It’s way easier to start talking with a sexy woman when you’re already in a social mood. Get in the flow by having conversations throughout your day with everyone who interests you, not just the “hot chicks.” I like to joke around with sales people during my transactions. They have to be there anyways. I might as well add some fun and smiles to their day. It helps me get in a great mood too. I walk away feeling more happy which unconsciously improves my body language and overall social confidence. I love walking around with a smile on my face because I made someone’s day more fun.

You can also get to know service people you’ll see repeatedly. I took the time to learn the names and get to know the employees of a laundry mat I used to use. Every time I went in there we learned a little more about each other. I felt great and connected when they welcomed me with a personal greeting and smile each time I walked in. I would walk out the door feeling a little more social and outgoing than when I walked in. Did this all help me when I approached a cute woman one day shortly after dropping off my laundry? You bet.

You can create these relationships and little positive social recharges in all areas of your life. Some examples include the staff at your gym, waiters and bar tenders at your favorite restaurants, the DJ at your favorite dance club, and your neighbors who you frequently pass. This week introduce yourself to at least one person you’ll see again in your daily routine. Find out at least a little bit about each other. If you’re new to a place it’s as easy as, “Hi, I’m Kyle. [handshake and their response] Nice to meet you. I’m new here.”  Then ask an open ended question. If you’ve been going to a place for awhile, you could say “Hi, I figure I’ve been coming here (to this bar, this gym, etc.) long enough that I should actually get to know some of the cool people here. I’m Kyle.”

Have fun talking to everyone,
Kyle

If you consider yourself even slightly shy around women you’re attracted to, chances are you’re probably missing out on the benefits of making more eye contact. I remember hearing an author on body language calling them the “grenades” of body language because they are so powerful. I’d agree with this analogy considering the waves of fear many people have around eye contact.

The great thing though is that eye contact never really hurts either person, and it is a huge part of creating more connection with women. In a conversation, eye contact is a powerful way to communicate that you’re listening, comfortable with her, and/or attracted to her. Eye contact is also a great way to communicate your interest in women you haven’t talked to yet and pick up on who’s already interested in you.

Here’s a way you can improve this week. Find a friend, family member, or date who’s willing to stare into your eyes in silence for awhile. Tell them you want to just want try this exercise to increase your ability to be more comfortable with making eye contact. Start with just 15 seconds if you need to, and work all the way up to 5 minutes in a row if you can. Try focusing on just one of their eyes to try maintaining constant eye contact instead of flickering back and forth from one eye to another. Note that you don’t have to just focus on one eye in real conversations though.

If it feels uncomfortable at some point, keep going as long as you can. Discomfort means you’re making progress. You’re stretching your social comfort zone and ability to share intimacy with another human being. By stretching yourself to make eye contact in this very intense way, it’ll be that much easier to ratchet back down to making just moderately more eye contact in everyday conversations.

Now go out and improve yourself. I have my “eye” on you
Kyle

Unfortunately we can’t have social skills experts watching each interaction and giving us feedback. You can get a little closer to this though! When I was learning how to start conversations with women I found it valuable to ask for their feedback. If I approached a woman who happened to be unavailable or it just didn’t got that well, I’d try to get some free feedback from them.

At first I tried saying something like, “Well, it was really nice talking to you anyway. I’m kind of new to starting conversations with attractive women who I want to meet. Could you tell me how I did?” Generally the women were too nice to say anything that would actually be helpful. I found it worked better to tweak the question to something like “What’s one thing I could do better or improve on?” or “How did it feel to you?”. Often women still wouldn’t name something, but occasionally I got a few real gems.

One woman told me it felt kind of like an interview. One woman told me I revealed my whole life story so quickly that it made it feel awkward. Take all of this feedback with a grain of salt. If you start seeing patterns and repeats in women’s responses, it’s probably worth taking a look at how you can improve those things.

Don’t take my word for it though. Ask a few women for feedback this week!
Kyle

When I was new at this stuff I had all sorts of fears and beliefs about what was not possible.  I was pretty darn sure that if I just walked up to a woman out of the blue on the sidewalk and told her she was attractive I’d be put in handcuffs and taken away.  I was petrified about what would happen if I accidentally approached a married woman.  I was sure she would be very offended and lighting bolts would strike me from the sky!

Turns out none of that happened to me or the dozens of other guys I’ve helped or known.  In fact sometimes the positive results were quite amazing!  I got to the point of having more dating opportunities in 24 hours than I used to have in 6 months.  I’ve met guys who are over 300 pounds or less than 4 feet tall who date incredible women.  I’ve helped a nervous 45 year old guy walk up to a gorgeous woman in her 20′s, have a fun conversation, and leave with a number and plans to meet again.

So here’s your challenge.  Write down at least 3 things that you’d like to do in your dating life but you don’t think are possible.  Ask yourself if at least one guy has probably ever achieved these desires anywhere in the world at any point in history?  Do you have the ability to improve your dating skills and success, just like anything else you’ve become good at in your life?  Would your desires become more achievable if you talked to more women?  What if you talked to 5 women a day, 35 women a week, 150 women a month, and 1,825 women a year?

What you want to create is probably a lot more achievable and realistic than you think.  E-mail me (kyle@charismacoaching.org) or post a comment about something you want in dating that you think is unrealistic.  Maybe myself or another reader can share a story to prove otherwise.

Here’s to dreaming and living big,

Kyle