Being assertive is showing you are a Man! Women are tired of us pansy ass “nice guys” who are afraid of them. It is time to step up your assertiveness and show you are a man!

1. Order for her without coming off like a misogynist.

Ask a woman what she wants or is going to order before the waiter comes (preferably after you have already decided your own order). When the waiter comes to get your order you can give him both of your orders.

You can even beat the waiter to the punch by asking her after your order “Is there anything else you would like?” and it gives her an option if she changed her mind.

2. Choose your seating location, don’t ask her to make your decision.

If you are going to a bar, theatre, or anywhere else where you have a choice of seats, choose confidently where you want to sit. Start walking over to a spot and say, “Let’s sit over there.”

Remember if a woman doesn’t want to do something it is her job to say “No”, you don’t have to keep checking in with her to see if everything you are doing is ok.

3. Assume she will, don’t ask permission

Ask her out by saying: “Thursday night at 8pm, let’s go to my favorite bar in the city for a drink.”

Avoid “Would it be ok if I asked you out? Or got your number?”

Tell her: “It was really cool meeting you, I’d like to get your phone number”

Avoid “What are you doing this week, would you like to go out with me?”

Say to her “I’d like to take you out, how bout I pick you up at 7 on Friday?”

Confidently assume she will say yes and go from there, the rest will fall into place if you approach it this way.

4. Ask a woman out on the phone, not text.

Get her on the phone to ask her out. Doing it over text is such a cowardly way to do it. The only time I break this rule is if she always texts me back instead of returning my calls, then it is fine. Also this doesn’t apply after you have gone on more than a few dates.

5. Be busy, don’t drop everything for her!

Nothing is worse than her knowing you have every night available to accommodate her schedule. Being assertive also means you have a life that you enjoy. Don’t break previous plans to go out with a girl EVER! Leave room in your schedule for her but don’t cancel plans. Instead make sure you make plans with her early in the week before your schedule (or hers) fills up.

Being assertive with women is not about being overbearing. It is saying what you want and leaving room for her to object or provide an alternative if she needs to. Don’t be a jerk about it, just be more decisive. Stating “I think we should go to….” is always better than getting stuck in the rut of “What would you like to do?”

Dating is a pain in the ass sometimes, I’ll admit it. No matter how good at it you are it is still a process of sorting out the idiots from the keepers. Whether you are looking for something casual or serious, it is all about keeping your dating queue full. Handling rejection becomes part of the process but I admit I still get down when things don’t work out. It even bumms me out when a woman I wasn’t even that interested in won’t return my calls. It is all to easy to crawl back under a rock and play too much world of warcraft instead of getting myself out again.

Here are some of my strategies to keep myself confident and in a great mood to date and meet more women:

Be Busy!

One of the worst things for your confidence is sitting home alone making excuses for why you aren’t happy. I find if I have more than a couple evenings a week where I am just having “me” time my social circle starts shrinking and I get more depressed. The busier I am usually the better I am at planning outings and staying connected with friends.

Start planning regular nights you go take a class or go do a new hobby. Not only will you meet new people trying new things always builds confidence faster than just about anything. When you go do something send out a mass text inviting people. Even if no one shows invitations are just banking social karma. You will get more invitations the more you make.

Have a back-up plan.

Nothing gets me worse than a last minute cancellation. Then I am stuck with a whole evening that I got ready to go out and I end up sitting home watching movies. Don’t let some stupid flake ruin your vibe, send out the last minute calls to see what friends are doing. Also try to find one regular event on each night of the week that you can use as a back up plan. Here in San francisco I can find a salsa class on every night of the week, as well as classes at my gym, martial arts studio, indy film theater, comedy clubs, music venues, and even museums. Make some calls and if no one is in, make yourself go anyway!

Get the phone number… from him!

Single women aren’t the only people you want to get phone numbers from. Don’t forget to exchange contact info with cool guys, couples, and even women in relationships. Building a strong social circle is key to being happy and confident. Add them to your mass invites and soon you might find yourself pleasantly surprised when their cute single friends start showing up too. Here is more on how to build a strong social circle: http://www.charismatips.com/building-a-social-circle-2/

Get Your Conversational Skills Warmed Up.

Getting in a good mood to go out and meet people is a crucial element to being on your game. Get a pre-outing routine like listening to your favorite music or listening to a good comic to amp you up. Call a couple buddies to join you and even if they don’t they will get you talking.

Start off easy!

Don’t just go walk up to the hottest girl you see the moment you get there. Start off easy and go talk to some friendly people. One of the best ways I’ve found to get myself on the right track (even if I’ve just been shot down a few times) is to go find a couple of the wall flower guys standing in the corner. Ask them as an opener “Hey guys, how’s your luck with the ladies tonight?” First off they will know you are not gay, secondly their luck will likely be more pathetic than yours. Giving someone else encouragement often gets you in a better mood than you could imagine.

The other benefit of this is that the guys you meet will likely still be sitting there and you can come back and use them as a comfortable place to come back to when you are done talking with another group. Maybe even try to introduce some new people to them and you will all of a sudden be the guy that knows everyone!

Don’t Crawl Back Under Your Rock!

I talk to so many guys who are having trouble and are discouraged with their dating success and in reality it boils down to one thing. They get a bit of rejection or have a bad date/interaction and instead of picking themselves back up and get back out there they sulk. There is no confidence under that rock of yours! Come out and force yourself to get out and be more social.

If you live in the Bay Area it is time to make a commitment to success!

Learn how to dramatically improve your dating skills in just 90 days. Over this 3-month period we’ll work together in both group sessions and in 1:1 individual sessions to help you learn everything you need to know to be more successful in your romantic life.

In The Art of Flirting Program, you’ll get the real-life experience, practice, support and motivation that you need for dating success, unlike other courses where you simply listen to a speaker tell you what you need to know and then send you on your way, I am committed to your success, AND if you are just as committed, I know that we will achieve it together!

$247/mo for 3 months

Next session starts in July and there are only 4 spots available. Sign up now!

If you sign up a friend before july 1st you both get $50 off your first month!
This course is for both Men and Women.

The Art of Flirting: How to Successfully Flirt and Get More Dates

Program Description:

Learn how to dramatically improve your dating skills in just 90 days. Over this 3-month period we’ll work together in both group sessions and in 1:1 individual sessions to help you learn everything you need to know to be more successful in your romantic life. In The Art of Flirting Program, you’ll get the real-life experience, practice, support and motivation that you need for dating success, unlike other courses where you simply listen to a speaker tell you what you need to know and then send you on your way, I am committed to your success, AND if you are just as committed, I know that we will achieve it together!

Program Format:

We will begin each month with a 3-hour group session where we will review the primary skills and strategies you will be working on for the month. Since you can learn much from you peers, you’ll also share and hear about the victories and stumbling blocks of your fellow group members. Each week you will get specific lessons, missions, and exercises. If you complete all of your missions you will get a very special reward each month. We will schedule 2 half hour phone consults where I will personally critique your conversation and dating skills and help you understand from beginning to end how to cultivate the three tenets of success; Confidence Assertiveness and Choice. Also you will have 30 min phone time you can use in whole or parts for any questions or issues that come up.

Program Content:

A maximum of eight people will be accepted to each session. Sign up soon to reserve your spot! A three month commitment is required.

Month 1: Your Confidence is Sexy!

Group Meeting – 3 Hours
- We will be covering the following topics:

• Start conversations anywhere with anyone
• Express yourself in an attractive confident way
• Create intense attraction
• Get the signals right — figure out when they’re really interested and how to move forward
• Set yourself up for relationship success — from the beginning
• Never run out of things to say
• Understand what your non-verbal body language is really saying about you
• Take the lead in group conversations

Week 1 – Know Thyself
Discover who you are and what you have to offer. By completing an in-depth questionnaire, you’ll begin to discover how to be truly confident, be comfortable with you who are and what you’re all about. Dating success doesn’t mean changing who you are but rather changing how you perceive yourself.

Week 3 – Project Extreme Confidence
This week with my help you are going to create a program to develop extreme confidence. We will personalize a program to enrich your life. Rededicate yourself to and discover new hobbies, interests, and adventures that will make you more interesting and passionate in your life. Attract the person you want to be with by being the person you know you can be.

Month 2 – Flirting and Connecting 101

Group Meeting – 3 Hours
- We will be covering the following topics:

• Get your flirt on, learn how YOU can start flirting with ease.
• Locate and meet someone you are really looking for!
• Have more in common with anyone by relating on an emotional level
• Deal with a lack of interest and things around
• Respond to anything unexpected they say

Week 1 – Get out there!
Get out there and meet more people!. Meeting people is easier than you could imagine, I will show you how. Embark on specially prepared individualized Action Missions. You will be going to the places with the kind of people you want to meet and taking steps to engage them or getting them to engage you in conversation.

Week 3 – Make it happen!!
– Time to make things happen. This week you will be pushing your limits and verbalizing what you want. No more nebulous friend-zone relationships, no more wishing they knew how you felt. Learn how to make it clear that you want romance, not just another friend. The missions this week will involve you being more assertive and defining your relationships you have begun to cultivate. For Women I work with you on how to gently encourage men to be more assertive with you and how you can still be assertive without intimidating or turning him off.

Month 3

Group Meeting – 3 Hours
- We will be covering the following topics:

• Creating a multitude of choice in your romantic life, no longer feel like you are limited in your dating choices
• See how to cultivate better and more choices in your romantic life
• How to start a solid relationship
• Understanding how to bring up Marriage, Kids, or other relationship needs

Week 1 – Create the social circle you always wanted
Nothing is more unattractive than a person who has no other life than the guy/girl he is dating. A rich fulfilling social life is a major part of the three tenets. This week you will learn how to explode your social circle. Your missions this week will involve adding both men and women to your social circle.

Week 3 – Master your own Destiny

– This week we will be covering what to do from meeting to well… wherever you want to take it. We will clear up what has been stopping you and make sure you are clear on the process of taking basic conversation to the first date and beyond. Also learn how to manage a full rich dating life without ever lying or hiding the fact that you now have a choice in the people that you date. I develop a weekly focus program specifically for you and your specific issues for the future. This weekly program will be the basis of any future work we do together.
In this time we well review your progress and identify your weak areas for future work.

Your Investment:

Your investment for this program is $247 a month. Your enrollment will be renewed automatically each month over the course of 3 months. You can cancel at any time. Unused phone consultation time does not accrue or carry over month-to-month.

Next session starts in July!

If you sign up a friend before July 1st you both get $50 off your first month!

Click here if you are interested in our Distance Coaching Program

I’ve teamed up with an old friend Christian who used to be an instructor with me back in the day and was a guest on their podcast over at TheSocialMan.com

Check out their podcast on Qualifying and Screening:

http://www.thesocialman.com/podcast-screening-and-qualifying

 

 Deep Attraction Teleseminar [56:03m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (576)

This is a Tele-seminar I did with Andy Anderson over at Social Chemistry:

Listen in as I cover the Learn the secrets of creating deeper attraction. Beyond playful banter and teasing there is a deeper rapport based attraction that establishes that “I can’t stop thinking about him!” feeling. Lock in that emotional connection that makes her feel like you are so incredibly different from every other guy and you have so much in common (even when you don’t).

We will be covering:

How to have everything in common with anyone.

How to unlock the interesting things about her.

Learn to be intriguing and captivate everyone.

Create intense deep rapport without it being TOO heavy.

And More!

Join us for this one hour Teleseminar from Dan M (Socialhitchhiker) from CharismaTips.com and learn the secrets to Deep Attraction.

The most destructive thought in a man’s head after he meets a girl is “She might be THE ONE.” Oh don’t laugh, I guarantee you have had that thought recently yourself. Sure it might mask itself as “Wow she is so hot! I’ve never been with a girl this hot and I don’t want to screw it up.” or maybe just “I met the most AMAZING woman last night!”

As men we are hardwired to chase and try to win the trophy. We don’t care that the gold color on the trophy is just painted plastic. The same applies to women. If they meet our initial qualifications, little will change our minds about whether we want to pursue them or not. We gave them an elevator up onto a pedestal and her approval is our medal and trophy that we will try for at all costs.

The problem is that the view of you from up there isn’t that attractive. Women are told so many times by our society that they do not fit the level of perfection they see in the movies and in magazines. When you come along and show such an intense interest she is so worried about being seen as who she is, flaws and all, once your fantasy of her is shattered she won’t even take a risk of that happening.

So what are we to do? Keep an eye out for her skeletons. Everyone has em. Remind yourself you don’t know her yet and she might end up being psycho of the year! Reel yourself back in, show more interest in her when she reveals things you like and don’t OVER compliment her when she is not giving you anything worth complimenting on.

I follow one simple rule. She gets no more and no less than any other girl I have dated that I was mediocre about. I have a particular woman in mind usually that I dated and did nice things for occasionally but in general didn’t go out of my way to try to impress. If I find myself going overboard and trying to impress her or acting too smitten, I reel it back. This doesn’t mean acting like an ass and not calling her back or not showing that you do want to see her, it is just a yardstick to avoid going overboard.

Good luck and keep her off your pedestal!