Currently I am dating a phenomenal woman that has turned the world upside down on my thoughts about the chase and balance of interest. She seems to break the rules with impunity, not just avoiding games but redefining what the rules are. I am left in awe just trying to figure out how she does it and what I can learn and share with all of you from the experience.

I am a sucker for the chase, I’ll admit it. I have lost interest in phenomenal women when I knew I could have them with ease and they were falling for me. I think of several women in my past that I could be married to right now and be supremely happy with, that I lost interest in because of feeling like they were TOO into me. The Balance of interest was just too lopsided and I felt that vibe and it turned me off. With us guys that happens even more regularly as women are even more attuned to our verbal and nonverbal underlying communication

There has to be an element of chase in every relationship, but more so where that comes from is the abolishing of the needy vibe. You must communicate verbally and non verbally that you have choice in the people you date. You are choosing to be with this person, not trying to get them to choose you.

Balanced Escalation is the Key!

The most important lesson I learned is that I don’t need to play games or worry about wether she percieves me as chasing her or her chasing me. If I simply balance the elements of escalation in a relationship things go smoothly. Here are just a few points I consciously think about balancing:

Balance of Interest

• 1) “I’ll miss you!”

These are the words of death from a new person I am dating. Every time in the past I have ever heard a woman say this to me before we were in a relationship it felt like my heart ran out the door faster than I could. When I was younger I actually would say these words and watch a fear behind a girl’s eyes that she could never hide.

Why? Because normally this statement shows an intense amount of need. It is almost as bad as “I love you”, the words are not that bad, it is just that a response is required to a statement like that and anytime we feel required to return that much interest our hearts rebel.

Solution: Be careful with statements that require a response or a validation. Tone of voice and timing are really important. Try a quick take away barrier if you feel like you went to far like “But I can’t tell you that because I don’t know you well enough yet. ”

The Exception: I heard these words this weekend and it surprisingly did not have the usual effect. In fact I loved hearing them even though it was only after I was leaving in the morning after the second date. Mainly because there was no neediness in her voice. In fact there was an earlier statement she said that ran through my head the moment she said “I’ll miss you”. She had said “Honestly I like my alone time. Someone has to be pretty remarkable for me to want to be around them.” For a woman like this to say “I’ll miss you” it became a compliment to me rather than a statement of neediness.

The same can apply to you. If you are truly busy with a fulfilling life with choice in who you spend your time with, no neediness will be projected regardless of what you say and all the dating advice you have ever received should be tossed out and ignored.

Communication Balance

• 2) Phone/Text – Too much, not enough, should I wait before calling or texting?

Nothing is more of a turn off to me if I receive too many texts or worse yet multiple voicemails between my texts and phone calls. Communication is a sign of interest. Too much and you reveal your hand too fast, too little and you are not going to get anywhere. But beware of falsely creating time between contacts just to try to balance things, it will come off manipulative, frustrating, and may make her lose interest rather than get more interested.

I am reminded over and over, if you like someone CALL THEM! Don’t wait to try to seem less needy. If you aren’t needy nothing you do will come off as needy and if you are needy, no matter how you try to hide it, it still comes through.

Review the information in Dating Decoded about how many times to call, when to call, and how to reduce flakes, as well as my 5 steps that will almost guarantee a call or text back! Once you get a response though there really aren’t any rules. Don’t blow off appointments in the hope of getting a return phone or text, go on with your life. Be busy don’t act busy!

Tips: Go back to the sequence I outline in Dating Decoded if you don’t hear from her after a couple days go back to the sequence: Voicemail, Statement Text, Final Voicemail.

If she is actively texting and phoning you don’t worry about how often you are doing it. Just don’t send 3 texts for every one of hers. Keep it balanced and avoid the urge to send the 3rd unanswered text or phone call. Wait a couple days then go back to the sequence and start again.

Compliment Balance

• 3) You’re beautiful, impressive, interesting, and smart!

This honestly has always been one of the hardest things to balance in my relationships. When I like a woman I verbalize that in the form of compliments. This can become overwhelming on a few fronts if I am not careful.

Undeserved Compliments – Telling a woman she is beautiful, funny, interesting, etc, needs to be genuine. She can sense it when you are only complimenting her to try to evoke a positive response. Your affection for her has to be deserved; she may reject the compliment or be shy about accepting the compliment, but you have to establish why you are giving her the compliment.

Over Complimenting – This is a tough one, if she is a high quality woman like you always hoped you’d meet, there will be lots of genuine compliments you can give her. What makes it harder is women are usually HORRIBLE about taking compliments and will oftenreturn a compliment just because you gave her one.. Luckily this balance point you do have more leeway. Rarely will a compliment turn a woman off, unless she sees you complimenting her because you feel she is out of your league or you are trying to get her return affection. Stick to compliments that are genuine and you should be fine. If she isn’t initiating compliments at other times then that is something to note and you may want to slow down a bit in this department.

Pedestals and Status Balance

• 4) “You are too good for me!”

The most stunning gorgeous woman in the world still is insecure about her looks compared to other women.

If you constantly put her up on that pedestal she will feel you don’t actually see her for who she is, or she will just believe you are not good enough for her.

A woman’s beauty is intoxicating for us men! When we meet a woman who we really do believe is above our usual standards we almost can’t contain ourselves. If you really do believe she is too beautiful to be interested in you she will end up sensing that and it will kill her attraction for you.

If this is your issue go rent “She’s Out of My League”. Ok I just really want you to check out my celebrity crush of Krysten Ritter, but honestly the whole movie is about a guy who gets THAT beautiful woman we all dream about and screws it up because he feels she’s above him. Of course his absolute lack of a fulfilling life and any sense of confidence means that this really only would happen in hollywood.

If you meet that woman that is out of your league then beware of “Hot Woman Syndrome” and if she really is that “The One” you’ve dreamed about, realize by putting her on a pedestal you will lose her. Treat her right, be warm and affectionate, compliment her, but don’t overdo it!

Social intelligence is all about developing an awareness of the balance in your interactions. Learn to be aware of these elements and keep them balanced, and you will be able to throw out the rule book and never worry again about playing games, when you should show interest, and turning a girl off because you are too into them.

Be Interesting! – Never have boring conversation again!

• Grab interest from the very start
• Make even boring conversation Interesting
• Avoid the #1 mistake guys make in conversation
• Let even short conversations make their mark!

Join us for an interactive 1.5 hr tele-workshop that is limited to a small number of people. Learn the framework of making every statement you make into a captivating mini-story. We will also as a group help each person in the workshop take their “what is interesting about you?” story to the next level and make it captivating.

The difference between a memorable meeting or date and not getting another one, is how well you keep her interest and express yourself. Learn to speak in a way that is more interesting and relatable, it is the easiest way to ensure you get the next date!

Sign up Now – Only 5 spots left!

6/13 Monday 5pm PDT

There is a spark that happens in meeting someone that is almost unexplainable; that moment when you “see” someone on a deeper level and they “see” you. The human yearning to be understood and validated is such a powerful unconscious force that shapes attraction.

My method of teaching people how to create attraction is all about establishing connection so strong she says “wow I feel like you really get me!” That is really important on both sides. She needs to reveal herself to you and you have to reveal yourself to her. Throw in some confidence, appreciation, flirting and escalation and you have the roadmap to some really intense attraction.

The challenge I have found is that sometimes it is hard to elicit emotions, character traits, and deeper emotional connection in every situation. People fall back into comfortable light conversation very quickly. Sometimes such as in a bar or nightclub you don’t want to spend the entire night in deep conversation, nor should you. The conversation doesn’t have to bee that deep but you do need to elicit emotions and character traits if you want to establish that emotional connection.

One of the easiest ways I have found to inspire someone to reveal more emotions and character traits is with a simple followup question:

“What inspired you to get into that? “What inspired you to try that?”

This reveals so many underlying thoughts and emotions that it sets the stage for you to very easily relate to her. Often it reveals her character traits that set you up for a very effective statement of appreciation. викСувенириикониикониПравославни иконииконопис

Off to Belize I go. I’ll be completely out of contact until the end of February.

Catch you all when I return!

Dan M
Charismatips.com

I saw this list of rules from a member on OKcupid that I thought were actually pretty spot on:

The DO’s and DON’T of online dating, if you are looking for a quality female:

-DO send an email that engages and opens a conversation. This can include your thoughts about things in common or that stood out in my profile to you. If you want an awesome woman, be awesome!

-DON’T ask me out on the first email or send an email that says “hi” or “how’s it going?” or “you are pretty” and that’s it. zzZzZzz.

-DON’T send me an email regurgitating your profile to me. I’m clicking on your profile, trust me.

-DO ask me for my number if after a few email exchanges if I am responding, engaged and seem interested. A few = about 2 exchanges. Less than that, no chemistry built yet. More than that, congrats! We are now on the way to being pen pals.

-DO give me a call and see how our chemistry goes. If all goes well, let’s set a date for a few days ahead of time.

-DON’T ask me how my online dating has been going. Think about it, there’s really nothing I could say that would lead to truly interesting conversation and we will officially be doing “girl talk”…not hot.

-DO call when you say you are going to call. I am looking for a man of his word because my word is gold.

-DON’T ask me out for the same day. That screams “hook-up” which might not be your intention and I will run like the wind! Once you’ve put the nail in that coffin with me, it will be almost impossible to get it out. I’ll be spontaneous AFTER I get to know you.

-DON’T ask me to come to your house (really, that’s what you call a date?)

-DO use the phone! Yes, the phone! Voice on voice action, baby! Smart men know women connect between their ears, not on an LED screen. Phone = main course. Email/text = snacks. Guys who only email and text = phantoms.

-***NEW*** (and you would not believe how often this happens!)…DON’T bring up Star Wars on the first date. (I’m really having fun now….haha)

-DO suggest a meeting that’s fun and has some thought put into it (note: I said “thought” and not “money”) because that’s what I would do for you. By the way, first date coffee and/or drinks at your favorite local dive bar = an interview.

*My* man has class….

Dinner is always great, or if you want to make sure I am not 200 lbs in person before you spend money on dinner, a walk in the park, a salsa lesson, a motorcycle ride, a run/hike, or any activity like that you would like a female opinion for is great. Maybe you need to pick out a shirt for an event? shoes? Or some help picking out a gift for your ______? or anything else that your creative mind in that gorgeous head of yours can think of….I’m there!

Master the fine art of being creepy! Shun your confidence and discover with me the five things you can do to instantly creep someone out!

1. Listen to that voice in your head saying “that sounds stupid, don’t say that!”

One of the most important steps to becoming that creepy guy that makes women so uncomfortable is to learn to censor what you say. Expressing what you think confidently is a guaranteed way to make people like you and feel comfortable around you. Your goal is of course the opposite so it is very important to censor yourself so that only the most emotionally devoid constructed ideas come out of our mouth. You have to give the impression that you are holding back. An even better tip is to be telling a story then end it quickly when you get even the slightest hint she may not be fully enjoying what you are saying.

2. Make sure to use conflicting body language

The number one way to come off creepier is to be sure to send mixed messages with your body language! Some of my favorites are:

Coming up close to a girl you want to talk to then not saying a thing till she talks to you.
Smiling while asking questions.
Keeping your expressions very neutral when giving compliments.
Facing her directly while inside her personal space.

Generally the more you can send conflicting messages the creepier it is for her. If your face is saying “I am not friendly, I am a cool intimidating guy”, while you are leaning over to touch too personally on the inside of her thigh because you are sitting too far away from her, that works perfect to creep her out!

3. Make sure you feign disinterest.

Nothing is creepier than a guy hanging around a girl he likes while trying to act like he doesn’t like her! It is really important to talk over your shoulder most of the time and act like you are in a rocking chair while sitting near her. If it seems like you might walk away any moment, especially when you are saying something important or she is, that will really get under her skin. Definitely make a wise crack about how you might not call her while getting her number!

4. Make forced facial expressions

Your face is the most efficient way to express non-verbal communication. Creeping people out is easy if you master this one! Either make no eye contact or hold it for uncomfortably long periods of times. Don’t ever make good solid eye contact with short look away breaks every 5-10 seconds, that will give her the impression you are confident and assertive!

Smiling when there is no reason to smile and not smiling in reaction to something you like is also a great way to confuse people about how you feel. It is probably best to just keep a calm CIA operative demeanor your entire conversation.

5. Inappropriate casual touch is the fastest way to make her skin crawl

The insides of peoples personal space are sure fire ways to creep someone out by touching. Inner arms, inner legs, stomach, the sexy parts, necks, faces. Touching these before you have established some romantic rapport with her is straight to the creepy zone. Stay away from casually touching the upper outside of the arm, that is the quickest way to make a complete stranger feel comfortable around you. Instead of lightly touching there with the back of your hand you should slowly slide your hand down that part (or any part) of her. Tapping or rubbing is the best way to turn any good casual touch to annoying or even getting you thrown out by the bouncer.

The art of being creepy is really not that hard. Avoid confidently expressing yourself, feel that insecurity making you act strange and even creating involuntary ticks and movements. Be careful about saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing and being ok with that. Confidently knowing you will make mistakes and not worrying about them will quickly erase all the creepiness from your vibe. I’ve seen the most creepy insecure guys literally turned into confident cassanovas overnight. All it took was some practice making mistakes and being ok with them.

Good luck on getting your Creepy On!