I once read the greatest conversational faux pas was to ask what someone does. Men get defensive when women ask that thinking they might be probing into his financial situation. Women hear that and know they are in for another un-original conversation. So avoid that question, check. Wait, damn it, I once again found myself asking it. OK, this time I’ll really stop. But now they asked ME that, not talking about it would just be rude. So what is the solution to our conundrum?
What is someone really asking when they ask, “What do you do?” Well I know when I ask it I rarely care specifically, the factual details of what they do. What I really want to know is “Who are you?” So my solution to this simple issue is to answer my question as if they asked me that. “What do you do?” becomes “Who are you, and what are you about?” Some people have even asked me after teaching this “Isn’t it rude to just start telling them way more than what they actually asked for?” I usually say HELL NO, that is what gets a conversation started. As well it creates a good example of what I want back when I return the question back at them.
Think about what people are really asking. The key to good conversation is giving something real and interesting in your answer or statement. Don’t limit yourself to just answering their question, expound upon it and give them something to work with. You’ll be glad you do when you get an answer that goes well beyond the limits of what your next question is.
July 31st, 2008 at 6:12 am
“The key to good conversation is giving something real and interesting in your answer or statement.”
You hit the nail on the head there. The more you give in a conversation, the more you’ll get. Opening up the conversational possibilities helps avoid a stall out or awkward gap. It allows the conversation to flow and grow naturally. Good stuff, Dan!
July 31st, 2008 at 9:59 am
And be excited about what you do! It is amazing when you talk to someone and hit on his/her passion how the eyes light up!
(posted about one such experience here: http://www.nathanmcgee.co...-dont-tell-them-im-a-guy/)
When I slip into asking the question… “what do you do?” I quickly stop them and say, “Wait. Tell me 3 things that could be your job, 2 are lies and 1 is the truth.” Then I try and figure out which is which and taunt them about their choices that they picked to tell me
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July 31st, 2008 at 11:05 am
[...] Answering The REAL Question (charisma tips, Dan) Life Lessons You Can Learn From The Joker (lifehack.org, Torley) [...]
August 2nd, 2008 at 11:00 am
solid tip Dan.
Blows right by the fluff and to the meat of a conversation
I agree with Max as it opens a lot of possibilities of where the person you’re talking to can take the conversation.
November 27th, 2008 at 6:41 pm
[...] it comes to making or receiving strong offers such as in Dan’s post, where he talks about “answering the REAL question” when asked “What do you do?” The [...]