Statements of appreciation and compliments feel really good. It is a powerful thing when someone appreciates you. I immediately like someone if they appreciate who I am genuinely. I know, I have quite the big ego like that However, there is a whole spectrum of quality when it comes to compliments.

Here is a model of what I see as the spectrum of compliment quality from lowest quality to best quality compliments building a better compliment each time.

Unsubstantiated vague compliments like,
“That’s cool.”
Unsubstantiated specific compliments
“That’s cool that you kiteboard.”
Compliments defining “who”
“I think that is cool that you kiteboard”
Substantiated specific compliments
“I think that is cool that you kiteboard, I’ve seen that done and it looks amazing!”
Compliments on character
“I think that is cool that you are so passionate about kiteboarding, I’ve seen that done and it looks amazing!”
“I like that about you that you are so passionate in the things you choose to pursue!”

At the best part in our spectrum it is less about the “thing” being complimented and more about what character trait that reveals about you.

Let’s try a bit of a game. Below are statements; come up with a statement of appreciation by first identifying the character trait revealed, and then practicing to yourself by building a compliment by using the words “I” and “you” and that character trait. My answers are at the bottom of this article.

1) I like to travel and really experience a culture first hand
2) I was really scared when I jumped out of the plane on my first skydive
3) I love sales because I feel really good when I make a big sale
4) I love to go camping, to just get away for a while and clear my head
5) I like water

My answers

1) Open mindedness, courage, ability to immerse themselves
2) Bravery, courage, adventure-seeking, confidence
3) Ambition
4) Independence, self sufficiency, appreciation for nature,
5) Health conscious, appreciation of simpler things

Any of those can be entered into “I really like that about you that you are so _______”

The last one (and any vague statement) you would of course want to ask, “What is it about water do you like?” before complimenting someone on it, but it is a good example that you can derive character traits from just about any statement.

I find when I compliment someone on a positive character trait, that is the first step in bringing our conversation to the next level. We all want to be unique and be appreciated for that uniqueness. When someone sees something within us that is deeper than the surface level that everyone else sees, it starts a strong attraction.

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