Many techniques and philosophies in this industry seem designed to produce measurable short term outcomes. Important goals seem to be getting guys easily accepted into a group of strangers, phone numbers, stolen seats or rapid kisses. Perhaps most important is to produce a good show for onlookers, get oh’s and ah’s of astonishment for your ability to walk up, talk to and mess around with strange women. Do these things help improve your chances of being with desirable women and produce happiness in your life?
I’m often asking guys who are enthusiastically reporting “number closes” or “kiss closes” in public places; So did you actually go on a date with her? Apart from her body, what attracts you to her? What is she passionate about? What is she like? Did you become intimate with her? Did she become your girlfriend?
If other guys find it entertaining to watch you meeting and attracting beautiful and interesting girls, then may be you could be doing some things wrong. The basics;
- Agenda free natural approaches,
- Open ended questions,
- Listening, not thinking,
- Statements of intent,
- Grab her hand when moving and
- Have a rough idea of what you want to do and where you want to do it on a date.
I recently made a big realization that when I am approaching while coaching and demonstrating around students, I am showing off; I am getting numbers, introducing people to people, telling stories to groups and trying to win the favour and social proof of hot girls in the room, whilst befriending their cool male friends. I’m taking group photos and even physically picking two girls up at once for photos, one in each arm. (hint lift with your thighs). Look at me, look how good I am at this stuff!! However, I am NOT really effectively meeting, attracting and seducing interesting, beautiful women. I am mainly impressing men.
When I am meeting and getting to know girls in my normal life, I am just me. Yes most of my innumerable bad habits and beliefs have been eliminated and yes I understand far more what a girl is thinking and desiring at different points. Yes have I have powerful tools at my disposal and I am practiced at using them, but that is it. Meeting women is not a stage show or comedy act, an algorithm, religion, or a strict code of existence, it’s just me, augmented by few great tools I now know how to use correctly and effectively.
I recently spent a week or so with a guy from one of the Australian Lairs. Someone else in the lair had met me in Borders Bookstore and declared he was “unimpressed with your performance” during my talk. Ouch! I looked to my new Lair friend for support. He saw and heard me get numbers from two beautiful, educated and interesting women. However, he didn’t see me do anything of note and he couldn’t offer me much support. I went on and dated both of these girls.
Then it hit me; effectively meeting and attracting intelligent, desirable women is not highlight reel television. For me there is no wild gesticulation or attention grabbing attire, no pre-rehearsed insults or teasing. There are no spin moves or rabbits plucked out of a hat. It would be really boring to watch actually; good questions, a few smiles, laughs and nods, correct positioning and escalate kino in baby steps on her high points. In the above sample, my desired outcomes of meeting women were vastly,(repeat vastly) better when I was not trying to impress guys at the same time. My highlight reel slam dunks were for the girls, not the guys, and they happened behind closed doors.
PS. I wrote this several months ago. Two weekends ago on a bootcamp in Borders, a student asked me to do a demonstration. I walked over, saw an awesome body and perfect hair, Salinger in her hand and started talking to her. I did not get a great reception at all. She’s 5′11, body straight from the gym, a delicate, porcelain like beauty, who is long tired of strange men, constantly interrupting her quite introspective life of work, study, the gym and meditation, her few spare moments filled with books.
I skillfully hung in there with open ended questions and careful listening to every tiny scrap of free information I could drag out of her, as her eyes largely avoided my gaze. Turns out she’s more interesting, desirable and adorable that every girl I have talked to in 2007, combined. The fact two students were eavesdropping became an irrelevance to me, no showing off or silly games or tricks here. I really wanted this girl. She just wanted me to go away and leave her to her books, at least for the first three minutes or so.
It was easily the best demonstration of my life. I would pay a fair amount if someone had recorded it for me. I personally could not have done any better. I skillfully balanced being interested without being too much of an intrusion. I got this extremely reluctant, exquisite beauty to do at least 70% of the talking, saying little about myself. (A pleasant change for me!)
My two students got bored and wandered off in little more than five minutes. My “perfect” approach seemingly did not make for enthralling viewing.
I spent this weekend with her. Glorious.
July 25th, 2007 at 9:32 pm
[...] an instructor from Charisma Arts, recently posted about how easy it is to fall into the trap of trying to impress other men while out meeting women. In my opinion, it’s a pernicious problem that extends beyond just [...]