Comments on: Arrogance vs Confidence

By: Bonnie

Bonnie — Thu, 25 Nov 2010 02:20:39 +0000

A confident man is interested in others and does not spend a lot of time talking about himself. He is considerate but not clingy. Not afraid to talk about his accomplishments when asked, does not brag. He is not afraid to admit his weaknesses and definitely not afraid to say “I am sorry”. A confident man is assertive, not aggressive. He respects others for their own capabilities and does not put others down or act condescending to them. He does not try to be someone he is not!

By: Jon

Jon — Tue, 03 Aug 2010 04:01:09 +0000

quiet, shy, self-reflecting and humble =/= confidence

you dont need to be a talkative, hyperactive clown to be attractive to people, not just women. but you do need to have a fun side, you do need to have a sense of humor. you do need good conversational skills. you need to be able to emote; being stoic is not the same as being cool.

although, what i will say is, a confident man has little reason to explain himself or argue with anyone, or draw attention to himself.

shyness is not attractive. in most cases, shyness is connected with timidity. like dan said, assertiveness is the antidote for shyness/timidity. and as men, we are the leaders. there is no room for shyness. women will, for the most part not approach you first.

those loud, misogynistic douchebags youre talking about? theyre closer to what a real man represents than any ‘quiet, shy, self-reflecting humble’ guy. theyre unapologetic and they have BALLS.

By: Dan M

Dan M — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 01:19:21 +0000

You are correct, however there are also a lot of shy guys out there who are playing “woe is me why don’t women ever pick me, the nice guy.” This isnt confidence either.

Assertiveness is what shy nice guys need to learn. I know because it is what I had to learn to be successful.

By: Daniel

Daniel — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 00:51:16 +0000

All too often, women misinterpret arrogance as confidence. Some men can be really arrogant, condescending, and down-right inappropriate. But simple-minded women fall for them head over heels because they think it is confidence, which is completely wrong. It’s the quiet guys, the ones who are shy, self-reflecting, and humble, who are actually confident with themselves, but these guys never win the women. It’s the loud, arrogant, belligerent, pugnacious, mysoginists who always get the women. This is because women misinterpret arrogance as confidence.

By: Michelle

Michelle — Sun, 25 Apr 2010 11:40:39 +0000

I think self esteem for women is about being confident but filled with humor. A guy must be sensible at times.

By: Susan - womens self esteem

Susan - womens self esteem — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 10:12:51 +0000

Nice blog, if a guy can be confident and cocky while being funny and amuzing, without being a wanker then it is attractive to a woman. It’s a fine line i guess.

By: Dan M

Dan M — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 20:38:57 +0000

Thanks so much for the comment Stephen!

Congrats on finding your success! Disqualification was a huge change for me. It made me more successful than I could have ever imagined. It also made me happier and more confident as I worked on it more and more.

Using Disqualification will let you learn how to handle ANY response you get from a girl and come off confident and attractive to them.

Glad you found your way out of the PUA community and started dating as who you were Stephen!

Dan

By: Stephen, Boston

Stephen, Boston — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 20:10:44 +0000

Disqualification is a powerful thing.

Not only does it convey a confident message, but more importantly, for me, it helped me find a true confidence deep inside myself. Your older posts and podcasts were a tremendous help with that for me.

There’s a (sometimes subtle) difference between the defense of self-deprecating humor that I used to use a lot, and the confidence it takes to say ‘This is me and I’m okay with that right now’.

When I found the ‘pickup community’ I wanted to become a lady killer. Really working on DQ, somewhere along the line, I realized my idea was to become a pickup artist to impress others. It seems so silly now.

I’ve become good at dating, and really, that’s all I needed – to get rid of the unhappiness caused by feeling powerless with women. I can focus that energy on other parts of me in my journey through life.

I’ve written you before to say thanks, but wanted to post to point out to others that this seemingly simple ‘gimmick’ was a big key for me in a lot of things.

Thanks again,
Stephen