By not assuming attracting, you also drown her energy in always having to let you know “she really likes”. I see a correlation with the “loud people don’t scare people, quiet people do” phrase, because there also, you do that to make it easier for the other person to judge you, and not drown their energy in having difficult times judging you. Dunno wheter it makes sence, but in a sense “not assuming attraction” is also drowning energy from the other peron in having to *feed* you being yourself in “it’s ok man who you are man, i like you, go on with what you do and are”’s. It’s ok to get those sentences from people but you should not need them for doing what you do and being who you are, cause then “you being you” has to be *feeded*…

if you assume attraction, 1/ you being you doens’t need to be feeded & 2/people can appreciate and feel attracted to you on their own terms. Not those you choose.

Pieter

Anyway, I think that this is absolutely gold. The guy who assumes attraction is the guy that I think we all want to be. I have found that if I approach an interaction from the POV that the woman in question already wants me, everything goes so much smoother and I have more interesting and rewarding interactions. The tricky part is the “fake it till you make it” thing. I think that it is a hard thing to fake. How long did it take you before you internalized it?

Andy

As for pure disrespect. Most likely it is your lack of commitment to the interaction that is even allowing that to happen. If it does happen you need to call her out on it in a non accusatory way.

“Excuse me, it’s quite rude to turn your back on someone when they are talking. Let’s start over, i’ll introduce myself again, you’ll politely converse with me a moment or two. We’ll take it from there. So here, again… I’m Dan”

How do you react when someone is clearly disrespecting you and you can’t put a positive spin on it? For example people ignoring you completely by turning their backs at you while you’re talking to them, or interupting you by beginning to talk with someone else in the middle of your sentence, and stuff like that? Still try to put it in a positive daylight, although they begin to put you in the “clown”-frame? Or just open another set and ignore them?

Thanks!

Pieter

Is there an easier way?
Do you maybe always make a fluff comment about the interupt (say a friend came to check on her) and then resume what you were saying heedless of whether she shows interest?

I really do hate interrupts – give too many IOIs and you are desperate/giving away your power – so how can interrupts be handled with minimum desperation?

Hooks are easier to explain. at any high point in your story, just stop. It gets her to ask what happens next. “I saw the most bizaar thing attached to my clothes line thismorning. I was standing there in my pajamas and i just couldn’t believe it.”

If you drip feed her your stories like this, it will get her more and more interested in you… It’s like when it’s late at night and you need to go to bed but you just have to see what happens next in this movie. Even if it is a bad movie, you need to keep watching.

davich

It sounds like you haven’t made the conversation personal. That’s the first milestone. Finding a reason to say, “wow! I like that. I like you!” is a milestone. After that it makes sense why you are sharing yourself. And you can ask things about her that relate herself to the story. But you gotta find something in her worthy of that personal reward first. Maybe she held the door for you, gave a great answer to an unusual question, or just has great energy or style tonight. She’s gotta know you’ve made in personal, about the two of you first.

Then I was in the field and just assumed attraction–at this point let me get to know her genuinely rather than try to run “attraction material.” It is fun to banter and play with girls but at the same time we all know that the game is won or lost in rapport. Juggler describes rapport as fun — I haven’t experienced it that way entirely yet but I look forward to seeing it that way some day.

As for the rest it sounds like the best way to answer your question would be through a bootcamp or phone consult. There are multiple issues there i would gess.

Dan

Also, one issue i have is, i can overtalk. My vibing skills have become better. Stories will come to me as we are talking and i’ll dish ‘em out but that makes me commit more than they are. i fall back into entertainment mode. they’re just like, ‘oh cool’ and they don’t ask questions of me about what happened. how do i solve this? I think I ‘expect’ them to relate back but a lot of times they don’t.

my take is: i need to ask them a question about their own experience or if something similar happened.

Dan, any comments?

Don’t try to only give her what she gives you to keep things balanced. Instead ask a LOT of her, then give her a LOT. She will now feel the imbalance and feel better about sharing because she now knows something about you and you are again asking her to contribute. Keeping things balanced is good but make sure you do it while escalating. That means giving and asking more and more so your both putting more into the interaction.

If you entered a set/date assuming attraction would start with BIG questions, getting her to commit?
Or would you try to keep the conversation balanced from the start, putting yourself out there because you have confidence she’ll like you?

“I guarantee at some point if you are being genuine with a woman she will start being attracted to you. “
possibly, but the difficulty is getting her to give you that time to be genunine, she’s not bored in a club and it is more permissible to blow you off (and they do), so you have to pique her interest.