One of the most attractive traits to a man is an air of un-attainability. Some advice out there has women doing all sorts of manipulative things to achieve that. Men like a chase however we deplore being manipulated. If we catch wind you are playing games with us, at least guys with confidence, we will drop our chase faster than it takes to delete your name from our phone.
When a woman is too available I have to admit I wonder what is wrong with her. Of course all in balance; if it takes two weeks of calling you to set our next date, then I have better things to do. What I often see with my female clients and friends is it is not that they have such a free schedule; it is that they often drop things to accommodate a guy. You of course want to see that new guy you just met, but if he thinks his time is more valuable than yours, he will feel he has the upper hand. When you are often available when he calls, wants to ask you out, or drops by, it clearly communicates his chase is over.
This has been known for a long time, in books like “The Rules”, she actually suggests staying home on a Saturday night rather than take a date for that night after Thursday. Or worse yet NEVER call a man back and make him call you. Yes, I suppose this does create the same air of un-attainability. It is also a real recipe for you having a pity party alone on a Saturday night.
If you are free, then fine, be free and go out last minute with someone. However, try to start filling your life with things you enjoy, not only will it make you more un-attainable, it will also make you happier and more confident. Also don’t put off things you have to do or want to do. Nothing sends a message to a guy faster that he is not your top priority, than you not being available because you are going to go work out, or even do your laundry instead of going out with him. He will try to find some compromise, instead of giving in, tell him a night you are available. If he can’t make it that night tell him to call you next week or when something in his schedule opens up. He should be working around your schedule not the other way around
Don’t create situations just so you can have an excuse to be busy. That is playing games; actually be busy and fill your life with things you enjoy as well as not compromising on your schedule too much. There is nothing more attractive to me than a confident woman who would rather sit home and read a good book by herself instead of always being at my beckon call. Please don’t take this too far though, make time for other people in your life, just don’t be so quick to compromise your schedule.
There is a saying that the most important tool in negotiation is the ability to actually walk away from it. If you have given him ample opportunity, made small sacrifices in your schedule to see him, that is enough. Make him do the rest.
One of my most important dating mantras for women is Be busy, don’t act busy.
Tags: Dating
May 9th, 2007 at 3:01 pm
Same thing goes for me – Be Busy. Fill up your life with cool things. Someone wise once said: “Life first, then women”
May 9th, 2007 at 3:02 pm
I meant “for men” not “for me”.
May 10th, 2007 at 10:18 am
LOL.
I tend to give women minimum notice of ‘dates’, like at most a day (I mostly prefer the same day). It’s part of my cosmo girl busting adgenda.
If she doesn’t make a counter offer, I just leave it for a while, I mean female orgasms are better than men’s, so if she’s ‘busy’ she is the loser.
Girls who try to game me get frustrated.
Unless their game is more clever than I can conceive.
May 12th, 2007 at 5:30 pm
Amen, cosmo girl buster.
Dan, why are you regurgitating dating
advice from 50 years ago?
Cell phones. Big city. The thril of
spontaneity. Life is fast now.
I’ve yet to have a woman keep a date
made more than 48 hours in advance.
I don’t even try anymore. Same day adventure
is the only way to go. At worst, next day.