Comments on: Breaking up is hard to do http://www.charismatips.com/breaking-up-is-hard-to-do/ From Charisma Coaching Fri, 27 Jan 2012 17:36:52 -0700 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.5 hourly 1 By: The Tom Brady of Oceanography http://www.charismatips.com/breaking-up-is-hard-to-do/comment-page-1/#comment-895 The Tom Brady of Oceanography Wed, 25 Jul 2007 14:10:59 +0000 http://www.charismatips.com/?p=141#comment-895 The pingback already got me! I just wanted to say your article really hit home. My last girlfriend made it about her, but not about her feelings. "It has nothing to do with a lack of feelings, all the romance, chemistry and passion are there, I'm giving up the most amazing relationship of my life, but it's not you, it's me, I don't know who I am and need to findself." "That means," I said, "I don't want a relationship with you." "No, if I wanted a relationship with anyone it would be with you, I'm an idiot for giving you up." I was confused. I couldn't ask more questions. I politely asserted 3-4 times the next two weeks not to contact me because I needed time to heal, and finally she just emailed "I understand, let me know if you are ever down for a friends with benefits relationship." I was crushed because I was confused and she clearly did not understand. I expressed anger, her response was "I was just joking." At this point I lost it, telling her that her reasons for the breakup weren't fair to me, how she should have just said "you're great, but I'm not feeling it," leaving me no room for doubt, and that she was selfish and cruel for asking to be fuck buddies. the result: no response from her. I know how hurt someone can be by giving mixed signals and by conveying sexual interest as a dumper. Your article is now printed and in my dresser drawer and if I ever dump someone, I will consult it. My ex did the right thing in not giving me reasons specific to me, but her reasons weren't specific enough to her feelings. She didn't explain what her feelings were. It's taken me 6 months, and a CA bootcamp, to let go those feelings of being used. I still very much want to be friends with her, because I know she didn't mean to hurt her, but I don't think she realizes that when I reacted with anger, I was trying to protect myself. But CA has shown me how many gorgeous women there are. Time to meet them. The pingback already got me! I just wanted to say your article really hit home. My last girlfriend made it about her, but not about her feelings. “It has nothing to do with a lack of feelings, all the romance, chemistry and passion are there, I’m giving up the most amazing relationship of my life, but it’s not you, it’s me, I don’t know who I am and need to findself.” “That means,” I said, “I don’t want a relationship with you.” “No, if I wanted a relationship with anyone it would be with you, I’m an idiot for giving you up.” I was confused. I couldn’t ask more questions. I politely asserted 3-4 times the next two weeks not to contact me because I needed time to heal, and finally she just emailed “I understand, let me know if you are ever down for a friends with benefits relationship.” I was crushed because I was confused and she clearly did not understand. I expressed anger, her response was “I was just joking.” At this point I lost it, telling her that her reasons for the breakup weren’t fair to me, how she should have just said “you’re great, but I’m not feeling it,” leaving me no room for doubt, and that she was selfish and cruel for asking to be fuck buddies. the result: no response from her.

I know how hurt someone can be by giving mixed signals and by conveying sexual interest as a dumper. Your article is now printed and in my dresser drawer and if I ever dump someone, I will consult it. My ex did the right thing in not giving me reasons specific to me, but her reasons weren’t specific enough to her feelings. She didn’t explain what her feelings were. It’s taken me 6 months, and a CA bootcamp, to let go those feelings of being used. I still very much want to be friends with her, because I know she didn’t mean to hurt her, but I don’t think she realizes that when I reacted with anger, I was trying to protect myself.

But CA has shown me how many gorgeous women there are. Time to meet them.

]]> By: How to Breakup « The Tom Brady of Oceanography http://www.charismatips.com/breaking-up-is-hard-to-do/comment-page-1/#comment-894 How to Breakup « The Tom Brady of Oceanography Wed, 25 Jul 2007 04:39:30 +0000 http://www.charismatips.com/?p=141#comment-894 [...] to Breakup I found what I feel is the best way to break up, courtesy of Dan at Charisma Tips “I need to talk about how I have been feeling lately. Recently I realize my feelings for you [...] [...] to Breakup I found what I feel is the best way to break up, courtesy of Dan at Charisma Tips “I need to talk about how I have been feeling lately. Recently I realize my feelings for you [...]

]]> By: Mick http://www.charismatips.com/breaking-up-is-hard-to-do/comment-page-1/#comment-740 Mick Thu, 26 Apr 2007 15:10:52 +0000 http://www.charismatips.com/?p=141#comment-740 Dan- I just broke up with my girlfriend this weekend. I had stopped reading your blog for a while, but funny, I handled it just the way you reccomended before I even read this entry. Last girlfriend I broke up with, I gave her reasons WHY I wasn't in love with her. Like she was always over at my place and didn't give me space -which wouldn't have bothered me if I was in love with her. It crushed her, she never spoke to me again. This time, I told her how much I enjoyed being with her, how much fun she was, but how I just wasn't in love with her. She was hurt, but she wants to be friends. Mick PS- I like the new format of your blog- but the top banner image "Chaisma Tips" is fractured on my computer. Dan-

I just broke up with my girlfriend this weekend. I had stopped reading your blog for a while, but funny, I handled it just the way you reccomended before I even read this entry. Last girlfriend I broke up with, I gave her reasons WHY I wasn’t in love with her. Like she was always over at my place and didn’t give me space -which wouldn’t have bothered me if I was in love with her. It crushed her, she never spoke to me again. This time, I told her how much I enjoyed being with her, how much fun she was, but how I just wasn’t in love with her. She was hurt, but she wants to be friends.

Mick

PS- I like the new format of your blog- but the top banner image “Chaisma Tips” is fractured on my computer.

]]> By: Anonymous http://www.charismatips.com/breaking-up-is-hard-to-do/comment-page-1/#comment-734 Anonymous Mon, 23 Apr 2007 05:50:28 +0000 http://www.charismatips.com/?p=141#comment-734 Astounding maturity for someone so young Dan. Wayne is lucky to have you on his team. Astounding maturity for someone so young Dan. Wayne is lucky to have you on his team.

]]> By: suomynona http://www.charismatips.com/breaking-up-is-hard-to-do/comment-page-1/#comment-733 suomynona Mon, 23 Apr 2007 00:11:22 +0000 http://www.charismatips.com/?p=141#comment-733 I've been wondering about this. Great ideas. I’ve been wondering about this. Great ideas.

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