With the other woman I am dating I realized I had been fooling myself a bit about the chemistry. A comment she had said sat with me about her doubts about our chemistry and I realized I was feeling the same. I had been fooling myself a bit because she was so beautiful and fun. No matter how much i’ve learned about myself and what I want, a beautiful woman still gets me off my course sometimes. Maybe I am just rationalizing that it didn’t work out and why, but I found myself even subconsciously not setting up dates soon enough with her and even making our first date a coffee date. I usually reserve coffee dates for women I am not that into.

In the end I realize it is good to be out there and dating though. Regardless of the ups and the downs of dating just keeping myself out there and dating consistently helps my confidence. I would like to find that woman I can settle down with, but I refuse to sit around and wait. That means dating people sometimes I may not see a future with. I’d like to say I am giving them a chance beyond a couple dates, but honestly having fun and enjoying their company regardless of wanting a long term relationship is what keeps me going.

I could sit around turning anyone down that is not a likely “match” or I can keep dating till I find them when I least expect it. Actively dating is great way to remind yourself that you have CHOICE. When I am not meeting new women and dating and instead just hoping i’ll meet someone soon it gets me down about my dating prospects.

I encourage everyone to get out there and date more. Dating is sorting and you have to get in there and meet more people before you come across someone you really want to be with.

I need your help to pick a name for the new website. Take this survey to help me choose:
Click Here to take survey

TheCharmingGeek.com
ConfidentGeek.com
CharismaticGeek.com
GeekCharisma.com

Click Here to take survey

If you are interested please email me at dan@charismatips.com

With the following info:

Name:
Age:
Gender:
Occupation:
Location:

Survey for Guys is complete: Thank you for all your responses and help! I am still accepting female surveys so please encourage any women you know who are single to contact me! Actually whether I am doing a survey or not I’d still encourage that Seriously though, if you are interested in coaching or help of any kind I am still doing a free 20min phone consult to explore how I can best set up a program to help you.

In many respects I have hit a wall. I feel very much like when I originally started looking for dating advice, unfulfilled and accepting that I didn’t have the skills to succeed. This is far different from failing to me. The moment I realize I need help is when I make the most progress. I swear though, my damn ego thinking I can do anything and I don’t need help is what always slows me down. So here is an outline of a thought progression I have that is applicable to any situation:

Goal: Create a financially successful business where I can positively impact the lives of others or this planet in general.

Assets: Strong teaching skills, Good speaking presence, Articulate, Experience in many different fields.

Hindrances: Large Ego, Unwilling to ask for help, Cheap, Lack of financial resources, Laziness, Overloaded with conflicting information, Little to no marketing experience

Problem: Slow business growth

Solution Brainstorming:

Hire a marketing person.
Pros: They do the work for me.
Cons: Expensive and hard to find someone who has a proven track record of success with my industry

Hire a Life Coach.
Pros: Affordable, Will keep me motivated, good for brainstorming, Will keep me accountable for progress.
Cons: Limited Marketing Experience,

Find someone with a successful business similar to mine and inquire about mentorship
Pros: Learn from someone experienced and is successful
Cons: They may not know how to help me become a success or be able to explain teach it. Hard to find

Join a group of other entrepreneurs to brainstorm solutions
Pros: Free or low cost. Easy to find in San Francisco (meetup.com)
Cons: Possibility of being overwhelmed by ideas and directions

What do all the solutions have in common:

Ask for help.

My next step I believe is going to be hiring a consultant to help me achieve my goals as well as get involved in the online entrepreneur community. Also as I learn what mistakes I made and am making I need to learn to ask for help when I need it. So first I’d like to ask you my loyal clients and readers for help. Please help me by answering these quick questions in a comment

1. What are your goals with dating?
2. What products or services would you like to see Charisma Coaching Offer? (paid or free)
3. What other dating websites/blogs do you read?
4. What do you think I could do or not do to reach more people?

So what do you need help with? Try using my outline to go through the process to help you figure out what you need. Maybe that will be just getting a group together to motivate you to do what you already know you should be doing. Or possibly you are ready to receive some help from someone who can help you just as I decided to get help. If I can help you be that person you want to be and achieve your goals go check out the services I offer.

Deacon: (about Carrie’s bun) Well, you know, in general, I think it’s, um––
Carrie: Just tell me.
Deacon: It’s ass ugly, girl

Now I admit I love a woman’s buns, but I HATE the “bun”. I don’t think I am alone either, after talking to quite a few men we are all in agreement, the hair in a bun look reminds us of an old librarian, not the sexy kind. I understand it is a quick and easy style to get your hair out of the way but please say NO to the BUN. Hair frames a face and by pulling it all back you might as well be bald in my book. A very pretty face is no match for the overwhelming ugli-fication a bun produces. Hairstyles that are up-do’s are actually pretty and let men see your neck, which is always a bit of a turn on, but the bun is in a class of it’s own.

I am not one of those guys who thinks women should never leave the house without being polished and put together. I love a woman who can be comfortable enough without makeup and not always have to worry about it. However I do love when that same woman can dress to the nines! Heels to a dive bar and sneakers to a lounge in the same woman is a huge turn on for me.

So do the pony tail, put a clip in your hair, get a sexy shorter cut, but please say no to the bun!

Despite an inward look into myself I have been exploring and experimenting with online dating as a learning experience. A post will soon be coming on my techniques and experiences. One girl I met online is keeping my attention but is giving me a lot to think about. I don’t think I have ever progressed so slow, yet I feel I am taking the right track with her. The title of her profile was “Friends First?” so I already knew there was likely something holding her back a bit. On our first date I found out she was separated from her husband of 8 years. She was a little scared of my reaction to that but honestly I don’t think of that as anything to worry about in the slightest. However one thing I do realize is that this girl has absolutely zero dating experience. She is pretty shy when it comes to dating and doesn’t drink nor do the bar/club scene. In fact to give you a better picture of the situation after our first date (set up over email), when I asked for her number she was extremely reluctant to give it to me.

I am enjoying dating her though. She has what I look for in a woman, an adventurous side, intelligent, and passionate about life. I think in this case moving slowly is the best option, I’m definitely not worried about her losing interest due to me escalating too slowly as happens with women with more dating experience. Not to mention it is fun dating someone where the normal roadmap doesn’t really apply. I am enjoying having the experience not “going forward on schedule”.

One thing that occurred to me last night as I was talking about re-centering my own life now is I want to create a 30 day “Do something that scares you everyday!” action plan. I am going to try to create a 30day plan that anyone anywhere can do that will have something scary to try each day. I’m not sure it will work for everyone as people are scared of different things but I want to create something nonetheless. So please post your ideas in the comments section. For example one thing I want to include that is from The Four Hour Work Week. Go to a public place and lay down on the floor on your back for thirty seconds. Then get up and continue about your business. Don’t explain unless you have to, and say it’s a social experiment. So what ideas do you have? If I get this made I’ll make it as a 30 day subscription course.

The last few months of my life have been rocky.. From my split with Charisma Arts to starting this new venture has had some interesting ups and downs. I feel a little like a manic depressive, I had days where I work 14 hours straight on developing Charisma Coaching, and I have had days where I have sat on the couch and done nothing but play video games and watch movies while drowning my blues in alcohol. Being unemployed has had an interesting effect on my self image and happiness as well. When I am getting phone coaching and private clients I am on top of the world. Sitting in an empty room hoping people show up to my talks has driven me to drink on more than one occasion. The main thing that I have stumbled upon this morning with the help of my dear friend Jonah, is that I have been going about this all wrong.

I love teaching men and women how to flirt, date, and communicate. In learning it myself it opened up the doors to a huge amount of success in my life. I realized that communicating better improved my relationships, my sex life, my work life, and generally made me so much happier. However I realize inside of me there is this shame. I was ashamed of what I did for a living when I was working with Charisma Arts. I loved the teaching and changing peoples lives. I openly told people what I did for a living and was proud of it. What I was ashamed of is what people thought when they went to the website and saw all over it “Succeed with women”, “Be Amazing with Women!”, “Learn the art of Seduction!”. It made me cringe to think people saw me as an instructor of that.

My shame in that is what shaped my vision of my current venture. The problem is that I became too generalized in an attempt to legitimize what I teach. Everyone can use what I teach but it is too difficult to see how it can solve the symptoms of what makes people unhappy. Marketing my workshops has been insanely difficult. I feel like I am selling ice to eskimos. No one thinks like “The reason I am unable to meet the man/woman of my dreams is because I don’t know how to communicate well.” I was selling the cure and forgetting to talk about the symptoms. By being ashamed of coming off as a “Pick Up Artist”, I went in a direction that was a marketing disaster.

Well I still don’t and never will claim I am a “Pick Up Artist”. I am having a new vision of where this company is going to go. I still have a vision to teach communication skills to people for all aspects of their lives, but I realize I need to attack it from a different angle. I am turning my focus back to dating exclusively. The thing that will differentiate me is that I am not going to exclusively just teach men, or just teach women. I am in the market for a vivacious passionate female instructor to co-teach with me and help develop content for Charisma Coaching. If anyone knows of anyone please send them my way. I am going to cut back on workshops and instead focus on this blog more, start doing regular podcasts and develop an audio product and a book. Of course I will still be offering private in-person and phone coaching. Once we get a stronger following and larger market we will open up the workshops again.

So what does that mean to you as a reader? MORE! You are going to get more blog posts, more content, and more podcasts. The name of things may change, but the vision I have is still strong and will slowly evolve. Also I am going to start blogging about my personal life and things about me. I am hoping to bring in more bloggers so there should be a lot more content as well.

Bear with me as these changes are going to be interesting but I think everyone will benefit from being more focused on building my business around good content.

Thanks for reading!