“It’s all about reassurance. There is a feeling of uncertainty after the first time a woman sleeps with a guy. She us unsure if after she has slept with him does he still respect her; is he still interested now that he got what he was after?” The women in the workshop were all visibly nodding their heads, while he had a look of disbelief on his face saying, “Even if she slept over and I just talked to her that morning?”

It is something that almost I forget most men don’t realize. It is an unspoken rule, call the next day after having sex with a woman for the first time. I have had almost every girlfriend I have ever had thank me up and down for this simple act. For many women the most vulnerable time in the entire relationship is after the first time they have sex with a man. If they have any intention of wanting to see you again and it wasn’t just a one-night-stand, they will be wondering how things will go after that first time. Women know us men are in it for the sex. The question is if all the interest we have shown in her was in addition to that goal, or just as a means to get her in bed.

A simple quick phone call is all it takes to reassure her. In fact, even a message on an answering machine counts. Don’t push it by just sending a text. For me that message goes something like this, “Hi Sarah, I just wanted to call to say hi and that I had a really nice night with you last night. Anyway, I’m sure I’ll talk to you soon. Catch you later.” If you get her on the phone then have a nice bit of conversation. The only things I don’t do is explicitly mention the sex or try to set up another date immediately. If she does then it is fine. The reason I do that is I don’t want to make it appear my only interest in seeing her again is the sex. I then usually call her again the following day and set up our next date.

Ask a woman if you doubt this one! They will all tell you how important such a small thing is. Ladies, tell your guy friends, they will thank you; guys get with it and don’t forget to make that call!

Welcome to the future! For a low price of three thousand payments of $19.95 you can know everything about a person instantly. Simply trade our patented flash drive with any person you meet, insert in the port in the back of your head and have instant knowledge of really who someone is. We even have an online version!

Silly idea I know, but efficient. It takes time to get to know someone and evaluate if you connect with him or her. What if we lived in a world where that was easier and you could get to know people quicker and people could get know you quicker? Welcome to my mission.

When I started out on my path to being better with people and improve my dating life I realized what I needed one night. I was over at a friend’s apartment and there were a couple beautiful women there that were her friends. We only dropped by for about ten minutes. I started a conversation with one of them and almost before we began, it was time to leave. I remember saying goodbye with the sense of lost opportunity when I shut the door behind me. I knew then that if I had only had more time to get to know her and let her see who I really was that we would have hit it off. I now realize it was not more time I needed, but instead to be more efficient in expressing who I was in an attractive way and getting her to open up and reveal herself more.

When I see in someone’s eyes that spark of understanding of who I am, it is incredibly rewarding. I see them understand me and want to share how they are like me as well. That moment comes when I am able to relate to them and be relatable myself. The technique that I use the most to do that is something called “One Moment In Time”.

People don’t relate to the facts. What makes us intriguing and exciting to get to know us is not the travel itinerary, it is the experience in the little jungle hut near the river the moment an enormous iridescent blue butterfly flew by. What we were thinking and experiencing at that moment is what makes us unique from every person who has had the same thing happen. Relating one moment in time to support whatever we are talking about and sharing how we felt and why is what people will relate to.

Take an example from just a few paragraphs up. The moment in time was when I had the experience of talking to the woman and feeling like it was a missed opportunity. If I just told you that “I felt like if I could just get people to spend a bit more time getting to know me then I could be more successful with people”, that alone isn’t as powerful including a moment in time. That moment in time answers a very important question, “Why?” To be more relatable I have to not only share what I was feeling or experience, but also use examples (One Moment In Time) that helps people understand why I was experiencing that or feeling that way. It also helps if we are relating to them so that they can understand why we understand them. Just relating that we felt that way once is just lip service, unless we can explain how.

Getting to know who you are is not about relating enough in a shorter time, instead it is that One Moment In Time that tells more than volumes of facts about you. Try adding more specific examples of why in your statements and you will see people’s reactions change. Your conversations will be more interesting and rewarding; not only as people get to know you better but people also take your lead and start telling you more about themselves in the same way.

I sometimes wonder what dating was like back in the early part of the century. It seems to me that there were so many rules and social guidelines back then that if nothing else, at least men and women knew how things should progress. In current times dating has become much more unencumbered by the social restrictions we once followed. The problem with this is that it creates ambiguity in what our roles are as men and women. More and more women are beginning to initiate in dating situations and showing their independence. Men on the other hand are learning to be much more in touch with feminine side and their way of dealing with women. The problem that I see is men are now losing their masculinity while trying to be appropriate in regards to women’s independence.

Regain your masculinity. The first way to do that is stop asking permission to want what you want and to pursue what you want. Leave room for taking a step backwards and understanding when you shouldn’t go further (once you’ve failed to push forward a few times). Be a man though! Stop waiting for PERMISSION to go forward. This applies to approaching, escalating, even in your own life and work. Admiral Grace Hopper said, “It is better to ask forgiveness than permission.”

When I look for an indicator of interest or if someone likes me in some way, I am entering the frame of mind that I am seeking permission for what I want. I try to step back at that moment and push forward regardless. This doesn’t apply to un-calibrated escalation. In the our method we give a framework of how you get from one point in the interaction to the next; none of it relies on signals from her though. The only signal that should matter when escalating an interaction is when someone is visibly and undeniably pulling back or exiting the interaction. Women will rarely tell you go ahead, but it is their responsibility to tell you when your advances are unwelcome.

Learn your role as a man, lead. Get out of the mindset of looking for a sign if you are on the right track. You are on the right track until you get your eviction notice. Sorry that’s just how we have to be, get used to it.