However don’t let the topic fool you there are some great tips for understanding how to increase your charisma!

Just a few of the concepts we cover:

• The 3 main motivations of both men and women
• The Core concept of developing Charisma
• How to use your Charisma to develop relationships with clients and customers
• How to start the process of building a coaching business

Check it out at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/CharismaLive/2009/11/04/The-Business-of-Charisma

Edward Brown is a fellow coach focusing on Executive Coaching over at Core Edge Consulting at www.core-edge.com

Tune in as we talk about the definition of Charisma and how to start working out your social muscles. Find out whether we conclude whether Charisma is a learn-able trait or whether you are out of luck as an introvert. I also cover some great techniques to use in the workplace and how to adapt my method to a professional setting!

Click here to check it out!ikoni

Also check out Kelly’s blog at http://www.sexpertkelly.com

This week I received an Email with some great questions:

1. Is it possible for a man to be in love with two women at the same time.
2. Is sex really just an act for men?
3. What causes a man to fall in love?
4. Since men arent as emotional as women, how would a woman know that the man is in love with her are is falling in love with her.
5. Does having feelings for someone and in love with someone mean the same thing? If not could you explain the two..

Tune in for the inside scoop for the answers to these questions and a lot more!

Part 1 of the podcast is below:

We look forward to producing many more podcasts in the future and hope you enjoy them.

As always it is FREE! Enjoy. The QnA portion of the talk is soon to follow.

Topics:
Why qualification ruins long term relationships
How DQ makes a woman so comfortable she will tell you how to pick her up!
By DQ’ing you will monumentally increase your confidence!
Inner Game issues are radically affected by learning the process of DQ
Why the woman you think is perfect is so scared to like you back.

Just imagine if there is this much to such a simple technique like DQ how much could you learn in one of Charisma Arts Bootcamps? I know my first impression was that these techniques are simple. However when I was coached through them, the the depth and complexity of actually putting them into practice was overwhelming. Knowing something and doing something are two very different things. The expansion of DQ that I talk about in this podcast was gained by doing it, not theorizing about it.

I encourage everyone re-visit some of the techniques you know, such as “I” perspective, or the SOI and see just how much further you can explore it.

Learn one of the most powerful techniques in the Charisma Arts method. Learn how disqualification can create intense attraction, make you extremely confident, and make people feel so comfortable around you they will literally tell you the their deepest secrets. Come join Dan (Socialhitchhiker) at the Ambassador near Geary and Leavenworth in downtown San Francisco 5/21 at 6:00. As always there will be a QnA session afterwards.

This is a free talk, please support our ability to do future talks at the Ambassador by supporting them when you come.

Below is a podcast of the last talk.

This is Part I, stay tuned for the QnA session Part II soon

Creating connections and starting relationships is tricky. That is why I have a job. However I’ll tell you something that comes up over and over is just how confusing breaking up is. I sometimes feel like I give men and women a loaded gun, that power is compelling and entices people to really seize confidence they never had. However actually pulling the trigger and ending things is another skill entirely. As harsh as this metaphor is, the reality is just as severe. When we deal with human emotions the danger of serious harm and damage is entirely possible and even probable.

Those who know me personally often get to meet my ex-girlfriend and my best friend, Emma. Very frequently I get asked how we were able to break up and remain friends. This article is all about how to break up reducing the pain and resentment while being honest and unapologetic.

Guideline 1 – Only give emotional reasons for the breakup; don’t blame anyone.

Many people break up because a mix of logical and emotional reasons. Emotion and logic don’t always coincide. I realize I would often feel like I didn’t want to be in a relationship long before I could logically explain the reasons why. When breaking up I used to tell that person all the reasons why they were not suited for me. This caused a lot of hurt and resentment, and worse yet six months after, those very reasons I gave for ending it I realized were only excuses. Often those reasons were not representative of the real problems. The real problem was I wasn’t feeling it and I couldn’t explain why so I just brought up the petty things.

In my most recent breakup with Emma, which you can hear about on the podcast, I was very careful not to blame her for anything. It was my feelings that changed; she is an amazing woman and most who meet us are compelled to ask us why we ever broke up. The simple fact is my feelings stopped progressing along romantic lines for her. I can and have thought up tons of things about her personality or actions that made me feel this way but under honest scrutiny none of them hold water. If I were to tell her the specific reasons why I broke up with her then and now, it would seem as if I was breaking up with two different women. So I focused on how I was feeling instead.

“I need to talk about how I have been feeling lately. Recently I realize my feelings for you aren’t progressing anymore. I am honestly fairly confused about how I am feeling. In my mind there are specific reasons why I am feeling this way but I know it is only poor attempts to rationalize my emotions. I really care about you however my emotions right now are very confusing. However, I do feel that right now I need our situation to change.”

The above is an example of how I approach the subject of breaking up. I do my very best not to give specifics as to any flaws in the other person because that will cause resentment, hurt, and defensiveness. I try to phrase everything in the “I” perspective and keep the conversation centered around how I am feeling.

Guideline 2 – Stick to your guns and don’t go back on what you want.

Often after breaking up with someone we are close to, there are still strong feelings of wanting to be around him or her and have that familiar comfort. This is where real hurt can be imbued. I have had the opportunity to be friends with a lot of my ex’s, and when I have been really clear with where I am at and don’t give mixed signals, it works out well. Have I ever fallen back into intimacy with ex’s, yes. The important thing though is that I am very honest and straightforward. I cannot initiate intimacy if I am the one who breaks it off. They have to do that. If I am ok with having a casual relationship with an ex I am very clear with where I am so there is no confusion.

Recently I asked specifically “Why would you want to keep being intimate with someone where there is no chance of a relationship progressing.” This stated very clearly that if we were going to be intimate again it did not mean that I wanted a relationship and there is no chance of me changing my mind.

I do have to admit going from a committed to a casual non-committed intimate relationship is not the easiest thing. I don’t recommend it because it really can be very confusing. Not only that I find that when I have done it, it often prevents me from going out and meeting new people who I do want to pursue a relationship with. I honestly get too comfortable.

In a way this also applies to continuing a simple friendship as well. Actions speak, if you want to be friends but all you do is get together and watch movies and cuddle like you used to this sends a mixed message. If you want to be friends make sure you actually do things friends do together. Go places and do things, avoid just hanging out at first so it is really clear you are not just riding on the comfort and familiarity that was what you got out of the relationship.

Taking time off for a few weeks can also be a good idea. Send a friendly text or email during that time and conclude that period of separation by doing something you both enjoy that doesn’t involve too much conversation. One tip I found I use consciously is that I go do an activity that reminds us we are great friends before having any serious conversation. Recently I went rock climbing with Emma for a couple hours before we had a serious emotional discussion. It sets a great precedent and reminds us that we are friends first, before we discuss heady emotional topics.

Guideline 3 – Remember to always take their feelings into consideration

One of the big mistakes I made was assuming friendships vs relationships were black and white. When we became friends I just assumed that friendship status afforded me all rights reserved for good friends such as joking and sarcastic banter, talking about other women, and treating them differently around the people we both know. I really had to realize that becoming friends has to be a transition. I would make a major effort to bring up these subjects and check in before just assuming things.

Once you make that transition there is a long period of grey area. Don’t talk about other people you might be dating, when you start to, make sure you check in on how they feel about hearing it. Also don’t assume because they say it is ok that it is. Go slowly and be mindful of how your words and actions affect that person. Don’t be afraid to check in!

Guideline 4 – Don’t answer questions that you know will hurt them, and don’t take comments personally.

Another thing that happens during a breakup is that they are going to ask you questions about why and want details. It is almost human nature to be self-masochistic in that situation. I do everything in my power to avoid answering questions that the answers will hurt them. On the flip-side of that remember that anything that they say negative about you while you are breaking up with them is out of hurt and anger. Don’t respond defensively; let any hurtful statements go. They want to get a rise out of you and maybe even hurt you a bit since they are feeling hurt. Your kindness and patience through that will be important if you want to remain friends.

In the end you may not be able to be friends. Make sure you really want to be before you say you do. It is not kind to say you want to remain friends and then you don’t put in the effort to do so. It is far kinder to tell them you need some time, keep it about you when talking about breaking up, then cut contact or reduce it to a minimum. Ask yourself do you really want to be their friend because you enjoy their friendship, or is it a way you are attempting to spare yours or their feelings.

Hopefully a few of you can use these tips from my experiences to as consciously exit a relationship as you did to enter it.

Check out the companion podcast as Emma and I sit down and talk about how we broke up and remain best friends to this day.

Due to being on the road a lot over the last year I have to admit many times I would meet a wonderful woman and not be able to see her in person for sometimes months. I am a phone guy, with my all time record being nine hours on the phone with a girl. Ok that is fairly pathetic, I admit; however if I didn’t like talking I obviously wouldn’t be doing what I do. When I am on the phone, my conversation usually lasts a fair bit. I often don’t have time to talk on the phone and that is where texting comes in.

Rule #1 Don’t use sarcasm, and if you tease be sure you pull them back in or let them know you are teasing.

I start my texting off with a fun playful vibe and use light innuendo.

Me: How was your night? Mine was fun, though I am just glad I didn’t end up naked in jail.

Her: Good, although your night sounds more fun!

Me: Sure, figures the thought of me naked behind bars is your idea of fun.

Her: Hmm now that does sound fun.

Me: Well, ok, but I insist we make copies of the key. You would probably abuse that situation way too much!

Her: That’s no fun. What, you don’t trust me?

Me: Hell no, not when it comes to my nakedness. I’m just not the kind of guy that likes to be taken advantage of. Ok, actually I really am.

Rule #2 It is ok to be very sexual over text, as long as you don’t make her to commit to it in real life or make her think that is all you want.

Me: You were pretty hot last night. Those sexy legs kept distracting me from just how interesting you really are. What are you up to right now?

Her: I am at work

Me: Really and are your co-workers able to appreciate just how sexy your legs are?

Her: Well actually I am wearing a skirt. My legs are crossed and I am trying to not get too turned on by all this flirting.

Me: Ya that would be awful if I told you what I would want to do to you in that skirt on your desk.

Her: You might just get these sexy legs of mine wrapped around you. OMG did I just say that?

Me: And all I can think about is looking down at you while your legs are on my shoulders while I am having sex with you on your desk.

Her: OMG I am so turned on right now, not fair!! I’m at work!

The anonymity of texting is a girl’s best friend. They will often be far more sexual in text than in real life. Women can get downright dirty in text. The key is finding that moment when she is making an innuendo and being a bit more forward. That is your cue to take the ball and run with it.

Rule #3 Make major escalations in text flirting right after she flirts back.

I look at text flirting like fishing a bit. I cast the bait by saying slightly flirtatious statements and wait for her to bite. When she does, then I take it to the next level. If she doesn’t bite, the statements are kept innocent. Each time she takes my bait I notch it up a level.

Rule #4 Never apologize if she brings up how sexual you are.

If she comments about you being sexual (but does not ask you to stop), admit that is the way you are and don’t be apologetic. What will get you in trouble is if you are being sexual and asking her to agree to be sexual with you. For example:

“I totally want to touch you in inappropriate places, where would you like me to touch you?”

If you are mis-calibrated with this statement it will feel like you are coming on too strong. Instead try something like this:

“I totally want to touch you in inappropriate places, but I can’t tell you that; especially since that is really hard to do over text. So how is work going today?

Both take some calibration to use correctly but the latter asks for no commitment to being sexual or returning that. The thing that makes you come off creepy, and way too overtly sexual, is showing neediness and being approval seeking when flirting.

To learn more about texting and how not to come off inappropriate, needy, or creepy, check out the companion podcast Texting Women also as a special bonus, Kory’s Patented technique for making a conversation sexual.