“What are the qualities that project charisma?”
Confidence, Assertiveness, and Genuine Interest.
Look at Obama, our president for an example. He projects an amazing amount of Charisma. Not only is he confident and willing to take a risk to make change, it feels like he actually cares to listen. What an
â€œAmerican public valued most was a leader whose strength lies in listening.â€
Having a genuine interest in who people are and what is interesting about them to me is the most important aspect of charisma.
On a live recording from one of my favorite musicians I remember when he got up and said something to the affect of:
â€œI really donâ€™t want to just get up here and say â€˜How is everyone tonight?â€™ and get a bunch of applause for nothing. I actually care and really would love to find out how each and every one of you are doing. Of course that would take all night, but I sincerely hope all of you are well and I get to meet some of you later and take a moment to truly find out how you are doing. Thank you for coming to listen to my show, I hope you enjoy my musicâ€
The simple act of showing you care to listen to someone and are interested in who they are as a person, is one of the most powerful qualities of charisma that you can project
“I like your statement of appreciation concept: I, you, trait. But how do you avoid feeling formulaic internally after you have just used the same framework with someone else earlier that evening or last night, etc? ”
The framework is there to help make your compliments more effective. Once you get the idea you can say it in a thousand ways.
Here are just a few examples:
I like that you are so creative
I think you have a really amazing sense of style
You are so smart, I find that enthralling about you
You know that is so incredible to me that you are like that
Mix it up and donâ€™t worry about making it too perfect. The most important part is complimenting the character trait. The I, and You, part is to focus it a bit more.
Missing the â€œyouâ€:
I love women who are adventurous
Missing the â€œIâ€
Thatâ€™s cool you are so adventurous
The first is worse than the second but both lump her into a group. Missing the â€œyouâ€ lumps her into a group with all women you like. Missing the â€œIâ€ puts her in a group where everyone would think that, not you specifically.
“I am not a virgin but I am really inexperienced sexually, I have only been with a woman once. I am really nervous that the next time I get ready to have sex that she’ll be able to tell since I am not experienced. Should I just tell her upfront, and if I do won’t that be a turn off for her?”
Women often canâ€™t tell if a man is inexperienced. It usually comes off as being awkward or shy and that is not necessarily something that ends with experience. Just because a man has had several lovers, does not mean that he is good in bed or that they were pleasurable experiences. You need to think in terms of quality, not quantity.
If you are currently seeing someone, what makes you think she has any more experience than you have? She may be feeling just as nervous as you are. Are you just planning on jumping right into sex with her or is it something you are working up to? If you take your time and work up to actual intercourse you will learn a lot about what pleases her sexually and build your own confidence at the same time.
Communication is the key to any relationship. If this is something that really concerns you, then I would recommend talking to her about it. But phrase it in a positive way. Start by telling her that you really like her and that you are very attracted to her (hopefully the truth). Then simply tell her you would like to take your relationship to the next level when it comes to sex but that you want her to know you do not have a lot of experience with sex and you hope that you will be able to learn together what you both like. Tell her you are open to her telling you what pleases her. A lot of men think they know it all; women often find it more appealing to be with a man who is actually open to instruction and feedback.
If you feel comfortable enough to get naked with someone and engage in such a deep level of intimacy, you should feel comfortable talking about it with each other. Sex is something that can always be improved when both partners are willing to work at it. A lot of people do not start their sex lives together feeling the earth move but they get there with practice and patience.
If you would like to get an answer to your question for the Charisma QnA email us at firstname.lastname@example.org