Independent empowered women are embracing their assertiveness not only in business but also over their own sexuality. Roles are reversing; recently a good friend of mine sent her boyfriend flowers, my roommate asked out a guy to go skeet shooting, and I often have women approaching me in the bars. Women are becoming more and more confident and assertive, while men aren’t sure whether to be intimidated or attracted to confident women. When does confidence attract and when does it intimidate?
It has never been a more confusing time for men and knowing how to date an empowered woman. When the roles reverse and a woman is more confident or as confident as a man, male insecurities are inevitable. Men have work to do; we have to embrace the masculinity that the modern feminist movement has emasculated out of us. We have to grow a pair. That means stepping up our confidence. A confident woman doesn’t want a submissive man; she is secretly hoping to find a man even more confident than she is!
I was breaking up with a girlfriend a while back and she stabbed me with a harsh criticism. I wasn’t assertive enough for her. I tend to be pretty laid back about things and while I saw her point, I also saw how she emasculated me in her own head. I was new to the city and didn’t know where to go or what to do, so she often chose what we did together. She told me she wanted me to be bolder about choosing where we went. The interesting thing was that I often did that and conveniently those were all the nights she chose to pass and spend the evening on the couch. Those were the nights I wish I had decided to go anyway and leave her sitting on the couch by herself.
When is it okay for a man to be a man? When is a woman too assertive? The final verdict is going to be different for everyone. Men need to embrace the confident assertive energy that is masculinity. This includes being sexually forward and dominant. A strong confident woman wants nothing more than to have a dominant man in the bedroom. While a man loves when an empowered woman enjoys sex and is assertive in the bedroom, as soon as that assertiveness leaves the bedroom he is often intimidated by it.
Men are much simpler than you realize ladies. We know you pull all the strings, but if you let us think we are in charge more often we both get what we want. We feel more dominant and you get to see us confident and assertive. I know if you tell us to be dominant and assertive it defeats the point, however setting up situations where have to be more assertive is key. Let us kill the bug in the house; let us be in charge of the cars and fixing mechanical objects. Even if you know it will be faster just to call someone, let us have our moment. Tell us we are in charge of planning the evening on Friday. Set up situations where we can be assertive instead of jumping in and doing it yourself.
Guys, let’s step it up a notch. A cardinal sin is if she asks, “what do you want to do?” and you answer, “I don’t know.” Be a man, have a plan, in fact have back up plans. You need to take the lead. She’ll tell you when the plan sucks or needs to be changed, but if you at least have a plan, then you are being a man! Here is another tip. When she cancels on an idea and wants to just stay home, go do it anyway without her.
Assertiveness and confidence is so incredibly attractive as long as it doesn’t threaten someone else’s sense of self-confidence. You as an empowered woman in a relationship should not come at the price of an emasculated man. Leave room for a man to be confident. Set him up to feel like he is in charge sometimes, we both know who is really in charge. Guys, time to sack up and stand up for what you want to do. Stand your ground when women try to change things about you that you enjoy or things that don’t even affect her. The easiest way to be dominant without crossing her boundaries is to be assertive about what you want, but not tell her what she should want or do.
Being a confident man or woman is not about always being dominant or getting what you want. It is about knowing who you are and not compromising on the important stuff. Most of us understand when it’s important; the little things are what cause so much drama. Compromise by letting others win on the little stuff so you can be assertive on what is important to you. The most confident leaders know when to let others lead and empower them to feel strong and confident. As a confident woman, let men win sometimes, our ego’s are much more fragile. As a man, learn that being confident and dominant is actually what women appreciate more.
Tags: Assertiveness, Confidence, Confident Woman, Dominance, Empowered, Empowered Woman
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November 12th, 2008 at 10:59 pm
What a great post! I think it’s a GREAT lesson for gals to know that not only should we leave some of the planning up to guys, but they will actually ENJOY it! And, we will, too! I think any gal would be happy that her man made the plans for the evening, let’s say – because then she knows he cares about her and their relationship AND the stress is off of her. I needed that reminder to let the guy be in charge often. It’s easy to lead in a relationship when you’re used to being a leader in life in general. GREAT writing – love it!!
November 13th, 2008 at 2:20 am
I may be a man, but I did enjoy this post. It reminds me that I too need to be more assertive more often. I can see myself say: “what would you like to do?”, just because I want her to have a good time. And that’s mainly because I really don’t care what we do as long as it’s fun
I also do this with my friends.
So I’m gonna try be more assertive in those kinds of situations.
November 13th, 2008 at 10:37 am
I use Google Calendar to plan events with my girl. While most of the Calendar is filled with events / activities I planned, I award her very much when she makes propositions for nights.. It’s good to promote input from both sides.
April 17th, 2009 at 9:11 am
This is such a great article, well written, and articulates a lot of different points on the fine balance of gender roles that we both have to play. I wholeheartedly agree, that women should let their men feel like men sometimes. This is a big reason why men won’t commit to a women that’s too confident…because she ALWAYS HAS TO…let the man win the small battles. After all…our egos need to be fed as much as we eat food many times.
April 17th, 2009 at 10:38 am
This article definitely was not well received by all women. I do find that women can be assertive but it is often better if they at least allow men to have a chance to be assertive.
November 27th, 2009 at 5:55 pm
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