Comments on: Dating multiple people

By: Alex G

Alex G — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 23:03:08 +0000

Great post, thanks for the information, Dan.

By: SocialHitchHiker

SocialHitchHiker — Mon, 22 Jan 2007 06:53:00 +0000

You should the first night you meet her get information. That means asking “what’s your relationship situation”. Then you can bring up your own in response.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Mon, 22 Jan 2007 05:50:00 +0000

[quote]"I've been dating a couple people but nothing serious." is what i say after she enquires to my relationship status. I try to do that the first night i meet them.[/quote]

What if she never asks your relationship status? For example: What if you get a number and set up a date without her ever enquiring? Do you proactively bring it up and say "Just so you know, I've been dating a couple people but nothing serious"? Does this come off as awkward if you're the one who has to bring it up?

In other words, if she doesn't enquire, what's the best way to make it known in a way that she will accept?

By: SocialHitchHiker

SocialHitchHiker — Sun, 31 Dec 2006 17:30:00 +0000

I agree with you. If she is doing it more than a couple times i do call her out as I said in my comment above. However the first couple times she does it she is really just looking for reassurance. She feels insecure with the situation and that i date other women. If i exaggerate putting her frame of me regarding other women in a somewhat rediculous fashion it re-wires her thoughts about that to a rediculous situation instead of a real worry and concern, and then I show her some affection. It is a band-aid that i use when i don't want to call her and i just want to have a fun time without always having a long discussion about it.

I don't really see that as a reward. I am not making it ok for her to do it, in fact i'm teasing her about it. I am showing her affection but in more of a push pull way.

I do think you make a good point though and is well worth considering. I do think calling it out and not standing for it if it happens frequently is important. I just don't take a hard line on it all the time because i realize those comments from her are coming from a place of insecurity.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Sun, 31 Dec 2006 10:43:00 +0000

[quote]She says, “I’m sure the other women your dating appreciate that.”

I say “Oh definitely, the 200 girls last week couldn’t stop talking about it actually.” Then i tickle them or something like that and move on.[/quote]

it seems you are rewarding her (by being playful) for doing something negative: making negative comments about how you have other relationships. Wouldn’t it be better to just answer with a shrug “well, some do, some don’t” in a matter-of-fact way? I’ve thought playful ways of shit testing are more appropriate for shit tests where she is pushing you in a fun, playful way that doesn’t have any basis in your reality. I guess i don’t like relationships where negative things are alluded to frequently. I’d rather discuss them directly, or focus on positive things. Maybe that seems like ‘punishment’ in some way, since she probably [i]doesn’t[/i] want to have a serious discussion about the other people you’re seeing.

By: SocialHitchHiker

SocialHitchHiker — Fri, 29 Dec 2006 21:00:00 +0000

That was a long time ago. I do things a bit different now. As for the quoted statement that is using qualifications to make her change. I have also since reversed my position on that and now I don’t qualify women. There is nothing i can do to prevent her from being dramatic. Instead i just have to properly deal with it as it happens or don’t be with her.

Before i felt i had to spell everything out. Now I tell them up front and am honest. However I don’t bring it up again. That is very different from not telling them.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Fri, 29 Dec 2006 19:33:00 +0000

"The good thing about dating more than one woman is usually I get enough sex that i lose my agenda for it. That is a turn on when a woman sees you are flirty sexual person but that you don't NEED sex from her."
that is VERY true. i like to call it the snowball effect, somehow when you start getting more than one girl, more and more success will come, and i believe it is a direct result of having no agenda around women. they will notice that vibe.

so dan, you had a post in the past that talks about bringing up the fact that you ARE seeing other girls to her. you're saying now that you should avoid this?

Your post- The Talk: Solution
"What a great way to enter a conscious relationship. Just knock out all the repeating issue's you have had before right up front. Make her accept your values and views on how the relationship should be."

By: SocialHitchHiker

SocialHitchHiker — Fri, 29 Dec 2006 18:03:00 +0000

One other thing I just thought of. Some women who know your dating other women will often shit test you by saying side comments and other things about it. I either ignore them and show they don't bother me. Or I call them out if it is bugging me. I just say something like "are you sure you want to ask questions you don't want to hear the answers to?" Be ready for a discussion though.

The easiest way i deal with it is I exaggerate the answer:

She says, "I'm sure the other women your dating appreciate that."

I say "Oh definitely, the 200 girls last week couldn't stop talking about it actually." Then i tickle them or something like that and move on.