One of the problems with dating is that there are so many people out there. How do we meet them and how do we sort through those we want to spend time with and those we don’t? Online dating is not a bad way to meet a lot of people, but I find people are so horrible at expressing themselves in their profile it is actually hard to find someone to connect with even there. I have a solution though!
Welcome to the future! For a low price of three thousand payments of $19.95 you can know everything about a person instantly. Simply trade our patented flash drive with any person you meet, insert in the port in the back of your head and have instant knowledge of really who someone is. We even have an online version!
Silly idea I know, but efficient. It takes time to get to know someone and evaluate if you connect with him or her. What if we lived in a world where that was easier and you could get to know people quicker and people could get know you quicker? Welcome to my mission.
When I started out on my path to being better with people and improve my dating life I realized what I needed one night. I was over at a friend’s apartment and there were a couple beautiful women there that were her friends. We only dropped by for about ten minutes. I started a conversation with one of them and almost before we began, it was time to leave. I remember saying goodbye with the sense of lost opportunity when I shut the door behind me. I knew then that if I had only had more time to get to know her and let her see who I really was that we would have hit it off. I now realize it was not more time I needed, but instead to be more efficient in expressing who I was in an attractive way and getting her to open up and reveal herself more.
When I see in someone’s eyes that spark of understanding of who I am, it is incredibly rewarding. I see them understand me and want to share how they are like me as well. That moment comes when I am able to relate to them and be relatable myself. The technique that I use the most to do that is something called “One Moment In Time”.
People don’t relate to the facts. What makes us intriguing and exciting to get to know us is not the travel itinerary, it is the experience in the little jungle hut near the river the moment an enormous iridescent blue butterfly flew by. What we were thinking and experiencing at that moment is what makes us unique from every person who has had the same thing happen. Relating one moment in time to support whatever we are talking about and sharing how we felt and why is what people will relate to.
Take an example from just a few paragraphs up. The moment in time was when I had the experience of talking to the woman and feeling like it was a missed opportunity. If I just told you that “I felt like if I could just get people to spend a bit more time getting to know me then I could be more successful with people”, that alone isn’t as powerful including a moment in time. That moment in time answers a very important question, “Why?” To be more relatable I have to not only share what I was feeling or experience, but also use examples (One Moment In Time) that helps people understand why I was experiencing that or feeling that way. It also helps if we are relating to them so that they can understand why we understand them. Just relating that we felt that way once is just lip service, unless we can explain how.
Getting to know who you are is not about relating enough in a shorter time, instead it is that One Moment In Time that tells more than volumes of facts about you. Try adding more specific examples of why in your statements and you will see people’s reactions change. Your conversations will be more interesting and rewarding; not only as people get to know you better but people also take your lead and start telling you more about themselves in the same way.
Tags: Conversation, Dating, Relate, Success
October 23rd, 2008 at 2:17 pm
I think this sounds great, but I don’t think I quite understand it yet.
I am not sure what kind of language I should use? I feel like I use emotionally expressive language but I get nothing back, so I always feel like I didn’t say it right.
October 25th, 2008 at 7:35 pm
Without talking to you I don’t know what the issue is but I find if i don’t back up the emotions with “why” i am feeling that way that does happen.
It’s more important to express that One Moment in Time to SHOW people how you feel rather than tell them.
October 26th, 2008 at 3:08 pm
This sounds a lot like the internal dialog of a lonely man than that of a real PUA.
I hope you don’t charge people for this kind of advise.
October 29th, 2008 at 10:53 pm
“The Kuma”: That’ll be $3.95.
Good advice. The idea is to avoid generalities in telling a story, even if they’re great generalities. “I visited Paris, London and Rome!” Well, good for you. Better to find one great moment you had in the trip and make that one experience real for her. Make yourself a real person to her by taking her to a moment in your life.
October 31st, 2008 at 11:20 am
Funny thing is that PUA’s are some of the loneliest people I have ever met. Glad I have never claimed to be a PUA.