I have been dating a couple women for a over a month and called it quits with one and realized the with the other we really didn’t have the chemistry I thought we did. With the first there had been a couple deal-breakers looming from the first time I met her yet I figured i’d just keep it casual. Well that never lasts long when emotions are involved and it came back to bite me in the ass. I’m still glad I walked away, but it is always hard. In many ways she is everything I wanted in a woman, smart, athletic, sensual, spiritual, and she knows more latin names of plants than I do. That is the thing with deal-breakers, they just can’t be worked around.
With the other woman I am dating I realized I had been fooling myself a bit about the chemistry. A comment she had said sat with me about her doubts about our chemistry and I realized I was feeling the same. I had been fooling myself a bit because she was so beautiful and fun. No matter how much i’ve learned about myself and what I want, a beautiful woman still gets me off my course sometimes. Maybe I am just rationalizing that it didn’t work out and why, but I found myself even subconsciously not setting up dates soon enough with her and even making our first date a coffee date. I usually reserve coffee dates for women I am not that into.
In the end I realize it is good to be out there and dating though. Regardless of the ups and the downs of dating just keeping myself out there and dating consistently helps my confidence. I would like to find that woman I can settle down with, but I refuse to sit around and wait. That means dating people sometimes I may not see a future with. I’d like to say I am giving them a chance beyond a couple dates, but honestly having fun and enjoying their company regardless of wanting a long term relationship is what keeps me going.
I could sit around turning anyone down that is not a likely “match” or I can keep dating till I find them when I least expect it. Actively dating is great way to remind yourself that you have CHOICE. When I am not meeting new women and dating and instead just hoping i’ll meet someone soon it gets me down about my dating prospects.
I encourage everyone to get out there and date more. Dating is sorting and you have to get in there and meet more people before you come across someone you really want to be with.
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April 21st, 2009 at 5:08 pm
Would you mind sharing the dealbreakers you had with the first woman? She sounds like a great girl so I’m wondering what made you walk away.
April 21st, 2009 at 5:47 pm
I don’t want to be specific in case she is reading this so i’ll just list my dealbreakers as a whole:
Lies
Physically or verbally abusive
Is a psychology grad (or projects her issues on me)
Extremely inhibited sexually
Substance abuse
Unaffectionate
Strongly religious (spiritual is fine and a plus)
Doesn’t have hobbies interests or passions in life
Suffice it to say there were a couple deal breakers of mine she had.
April 22nd, 2009 at 6:12 am
Dan,
I am so glad that I signed up for your course! I have had unbelievable and brilliant success from the very moment I signed up, and it’s only been a week and a half! I never thought I would be able to go out and meet so many interesting people! Not to mention the crazy amount of Hot chicks that are now in my life thanks to the skills that I learned through your carefully guided practice.
April 26th, 2009 at 4:33 am
What is the best way to end it? How did you tell her?
April 26th, 2009 at 8:27 pm
check out this old blog post http://www.charismatips.c...reaking-up-is-hard-to-do/
April 30th, 2009 at 10:27 pm
“I usually reserve coffee dates for women I am not that into.”
What is your plan for first dates otherwise?
May 1st, 2009 at 11:13 pm
Usually try to grab a drink in the evening. I like a dive bar or a low key lounge. Day dates usually end up having time restrictions, evening drinks is much more open ended.