How to Avoid the #1 Turn Off for Women: Neediness

• Learn the 4 ways you are communicating a Needy Vibe that you aren’t even aware of!
• Destroy Every Trace of the Needy Vibe so you don’t screw it up!
• Get the next Date, Get the Relationship you want!
• Instantly Be More confident! (without being a jerk)

This 1.5hr Teleworkshop will be focused on eradicating all traces of a Needy and Weak Vibe!

If you are saying this doesn’t apply to you, I guarantee you are making one of these mistakes. 90% of guys do, even if they are successful with Women!

Ever wonder why you are not making it to the second date? Have no problem dating but ruin it before it turns into a relationship? You Need this information.

Guaranteed money back if you don’t learn something from this Teleworkshop!

5 Spots Left – Sign Up NOW!

We will cover:

What is Supplication
– How to avoid supplication
– Supplication vs Shit Tests
– Handling Shit Tests
– Saying No confidently

The Needy Vibe
– 4 Areas You communicate neediness
-Compliments
-Supplication
-Texting and Phone Calls
-Revealing Your Interest in Her

The Art of Compliments
– Compliments that turn her off
– Structure of an effective compliment
- The foolproof method to give a perfect attraction inducing compliment
- Uncovering the compliment she has been waiting for someone to give her

Transitioning to a Relationship
– Keeping your Independence
– Preventing Attraction Burn Out
– How to be Romantic without supplicating
– How to re-ignite lost interest

This is an Interactive workshop! There are only 8 spots available total and many of them are already gone!

Note this button is now fixed. There was an error that added shipping to the price that should be fixed now if you have tried to purchase this previously

This is an interesting question. I have seen this a few times from women in my own experience as well as with clients.

Honestly that is my question, why did she answer the phone if she doesn’t want to commit to a date?

Answer 1:

I don’t bother trying to figure out what women are thinking. I try to do it all the time but I find that my success rate is always better when I don’t.

Here is what I do:

Me: So why don’t we grab a drink on thursday night.
Her: Ya, thursday doesn’t work for me.

Me: No worries, how about sunday evening?
Her: Actually I can’t do it then either.

Me: Ok your turn, you choose a day

Put the ball back in her court. Be assertive by picking times without doing the whole “when are you free” game.

If she still doesn’t commit to a time be ready to walk away. Not in a rude way, just confident that you aren’t going to play the game. If she answered the phone she likely wants to go out with you. There could be lots of reasons why she is hesitating, from thinking she wants to get to know you over the phone first, that she is also kind of dating someone else, to just wanting the attention without committing to it. It really doesn’t matter what her reasons are, your action is the same. Put it on the line.

Me: Well, then I guess you will just have to call me the next time your free. It was cool meeting you if I don’t catch you maybe we’ll bump into each other again soon.

This is very polite, not defensive or overtly distancing yourself, but it says something very clear without shoving it in her face; “I’m about to be gone and you will lose this opportunity.”

You will be amazed the lengths women will go to get you back to pursuing them even if they are not that interested. It is human nature to want to be the one who is being pursued.

Christian is an old friend and we used to work together when I was a senior instructor over at Charisma Arts. TheSocialMan.com is a great resource and I encourage you all to check it out.

Here is a video introduction and some QnA I did for them that I think you will all enjoy.

• Grab interest from the very start
• Make even boring conversation Interesting
• Avoid the #1 mistake guys make in conversation
• Let even short conversations make their mark!

Join us for an interactive 1.5 hr tele-workshop that is limited to Just 6 people. Learn the framework of making every statement you make into a captivating mini-story. We will also as a group help each person in the workshop take their “what is interesting about you?” story to the next level and make it captivating.

The difference between a memorable meeting or date and not getting another one, is how well you keep her interest and express yourself. Learn to speak in a way that is more interesting and relatable, it is the easiest way to ensure you get the next date!

Sign up Now – Only 4 spots left!

12/6 Sunday 10am PST

However don’t let the topic fool you there are some great tips for understanding how to increase your charisma!

Just a few of the concepts we cover:

• The 3 main motivations of both men and women
• The Core concept of developing Charisma
• How to use your Charisma to develop relationships with clients and customers
• How to start the process of building a coaching business

Check it out at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/CharismaLive/2009/11/04/The-Business-of-Charisma

I know when I first started to uncover the secrets to better conversation with women the number one thing that was screwing me up was this simple mistake.

Me: Where are you from?

Her: I’m from San Diego

Me: Cool, so your from San Diego. What brought you up here?

Her: I got a job in advertising up here.

Me: So your in advertising huh?

Notice the problem? Notice the problem? It’s as bad as a TV sitcom repeat playing over and over. Stop repeating what she says, she was the one who said it, she knows what she just said.

I did this because I was filling space. It is a lot more comfortable to let my mouth run on autopilot and repeat the last thing she said then be confident in a pause to collect my next thought. T

The problem is that by repeating what she just said you aren’t fooling anyone. She can see that you are just filling space and time and it will make it seem like you are more nervous

How do you answer these from a girl?:

“Will you buy me a drink?”

“Are you hitting on me?”

“We are lesbians”

“Fuck off!”

Learn in our interactive Tele-workshop just how to Have a Response to Anything! Never again feel like you don’t know what to say in response.

The art of knowing what to say in any situation will immediately help you develop more confidence. Imagine never walking away defeated again from an approach.

This is no normal Teleseminar! – This is a Tele-Workshop!

I’ll bring you through a very simple 3 part technique that will guarantee you will always handle the situation with Confidence and Charisma.

We will also be roleplaying and going through specifically designed exercises to help you develop this skill as a group. You will learn along with others on the call and together hone eachothers skill by doing!

There are only 6 spots available – So sign up now!

Here are some of the subjects we covered in the interview:

• How to speed up your learning process through coaching and accountability
• How to build a cycle of success that will get you quicker results
• How to have engaging conversations
• What to do when a conversation stalls
• How to build rock-solid confidence
• Killer advice for beginners and guys just getting into the game
• Fashion tips for looking your best and standing out from the crowd
• Why looks don’t matter in pickup

…And more!

You can Download the Full Interview there.

Read more: http://www.seductionlist.com/charming-geek-interview/

Edward Brown is a fellow coach focusing on Executive Coaching over at Core Edge Consulting at www.core-edge.com

Tune in as we talk about the definition of Charisma and how to start working out your social muscles. Find out whether we conclude whether Charisma is a learn-able trait or whether you are out of luck as an introvert. I also cover some great techniques to use in the workplace and how to adapt my method to a professional setting!

The most helpful thing for me to get me rolling when I enter a bar or somewhere alone is to get into conversation really quickly. Standing around only erodes my confidence and I end up usually going home with my tail between my legs. Being a social guy means I am not just talking to the cute girls but that I talk to anyone. Women notice who you have been talking to in an evening and it is important to be social with everyone. Approaching a couple guys I find is the easiest way to get me in the zone and even help pick me up if i just got rejected by a girl.

Approaching guys is not the same as going up to a woman. I like to act casual and wander up as if I was not directly planning on coming straight up to them. Don’t do the creepy sneak over, just be casual. My no-fail opener is always:

“Hey, how’s your luck with the ladies tonight?”

It never fails. Guys love to talk about women as much as women like to talk about sleep over pillow fights in their lingerie. (Don’t even think about breaking my fantasy about what women really talk about in a comment on this post!)

I usually choose the guys in the corner, the wallflower guys. These guys are trying so hard to look cool and hope someone comes over to talk to them they are usually a great start. From there I usually feel more confident and will go approach a woman using them as my hub. You know they’ll still be standing there when you are done. If you get rejected then you can go back and laugh about it with them. If you are successful get a few girls you just met to come over and meet them, or invite the guys to come meet the girls. You will look good no matter how socially awkward the guys are because you are making introductions. That makes you more friendly and outgoing than anyone in that bar. That leaves an impression!

So don’t ignore the guys next time you go out to meet women. Strike up a conversation with my never fail opener: “Hey, how’s your luck with the ladies tonight?”

You look up and see it’s a call from her, that girl you met the other night and went out with once on what seemed at the time a very promising date. You immediately rush to answer it only glancing at the clock staring back at you blinking some time near midnight.

“Are you coming out? We are at Bar None playing beer pong, you should join us!” She slightly slurs into the phone over the sounds of drunken revelry in the background.

“Sure, I’ll be right there! Talk to you soon.” You reply running your fingers through your stylish bed head hairdo briefly glancing in the direction you hope your pants are. Thoughts of getting lucky, booty calls and a cute girl spur you to get out of bed and ignore your eight am business meeting tomorrow morning.

Parking was more of a pain than you thought it would be. You find yourself finally having your ID examined by the door guy, and walking into $2 beer night being bumped and pushed in every direction as you walk through the bar. Scanning the sea of faces you don’t see hers anywhere. After completing the circuit and almost having beer spilled on you twice you go back outside to call her.

“Hey where are you? I just got here.” You yell into the phone with your finger firmly stuck in your other ear.

She answers, “Oh, we decided to call it a night. I have to get up early tomorrow for work.”

Speechless you manage to stutter out, “Uh ok, well let’s get together soon.”

You have just been flaked on, and the worst part is you allowed it to happen. She is at home in bed by now and you are standing on the sidewalk like an idiot wondering if she likes you or not.

I have been there, thats how I know that even while standing there, you were likely not even that mad at her. Honestly she isn’t worth being mad at; you should be mad at yourself for not applying one simple rule:

Treat a woman no better or worse than one of your buddies.

I certainly wouldn’t get up and come out to join one of my guy friends if I am already in bed; in fact I wouldn’t even answer the phone. Why would you do that for a woman?

I am not saying don’t treat women well. I would do a lot for a friend of mine if he needed me, but he damn well be laying in a ditch somewhere if he is calling me past midnight on a tuesday evening for something.

The least attractive thing to a woman a man can do is not stand up for himself. As scary as it sounds to turn away a woman’s request and what she will think of you, she will admire you and be more attracted to you if you grow a backbone and stand up to her.

Women have an almost unconscious desire to test men sometimes. It can be as small as repeatedly asking for small favors at a time you have something else going on, to changing the music to something you don’t like in your car. Will you say how you feel? Will you tell her you can’t that you are busy, or ask to turn the station back you were enjoying that song? How long and how far will you let it go before she has completely emasculated you? There is no need to be rude when you do it, just simply stand up for yourself.

Emasculated: Answering the phone no matter what or when.
Confident: Answering when you are free and letting it go to voicemail when you are doing something or talking to someone.

Emasculated: Buying a drink for a girl you just met cause she asked you to. (worse if you buy her friends drink too)
Confident: Telling her you might after she gets to know you better, and actually buying her that drink later.

Emasculated: Paying for an extravagant dinner in hopes she will like you.
Confident: Paying for a meal because you invited her to dinner, but actually really being excited to try the restaurant yourself.

Emasculated: Agreeing to go out with her on a night you had previous plans because you will break them for her.
Confident: Choosing a night and time when you are free even if it has been a bit of trouble scheduling it for both of you.

Apply the rule to all of the above.

-If I am busy, I don’t stop what I am doing to take calls from my buddies, I call them back.

-I buy drinks for my friends because I know they will get the next round.

-I will often buy meals or coffee for a friend if I invited them out, not because I want them to like me but because they would do the same for me.

-I don’t pick restaurants I can’t afford to eat at to dine with friends.

Ask yourself, if your buddy treated you the same way how would you act? Don’t supplicate to women anymore, be a gentleman but have a backbone as well.

There are 5 spots available on this sundays 1.5 hr Tele-Workshop
on Relating and Deep Emotional Attraction.

This Month’s Topic is: Emotional Relating – Creating attraction so deep she will say “It is amazing we just met, I feel so connected to you!

• Actual exercises and roleplay to get you doing it correctly!
• Stop reading on how to establish good rapport, get actual feedback on how to do it!
• Learn what is TOO deep in rapport and how to connect while keeping it fun.
• Master the ultimate secret weapon – a system for making a compliment so good it that will make a woman instantly fall for you

Whether you are interested in getting a taste of what my coaching program is like (This call is included FREE in my monthly coaching program) or you want to take your Connection skills to the next level, come join us for this experiential learning experience.

You don’t just sit there and listen, we work together on exercises and role playing to improve everyone’s skillset.

Sign up soon though or the spots will all be filled!

Sunday 7/26 12:30pm PDT $27

Sign up now!

The call will be done over skype. Please have a current version installed and use headphones or a headset to reduce the echo. An alternate call in number is available on request.

Recently I stepped on the scale at my rock climbing gym and I weighed in at over 200 lbs. This definitely made me take notice. I think as guys we can really fool ourselves when it comes to how much weight we have gained. Suck it in a little more and loosen the belt another notch; men can gain 15-20 pounds fairly easily and not even need to buy new clothes.

One of my favorite bloggers and author of The Four-Hour Work Week, Tim Ferris had posted on his blog a while back How to Lose 20 lbs of Fat in 30 Days without doing any exercise. I said to myself “This month I am going to try this experiment and get back to my ideal weight.”

Not only did I lose 16lbs this month on this plan, I was never hungry, did not do any workouts beyond my normal activities, and I ate donuts, cupcakes, garlic fries, and drank like a fish in a beer aquarium.

The Diet

Pick a few meals and stick to them. Don’t try to get fancy or test the boundaries with what you can and can’t eat. The best success will come from sticking to the same meals for the month. Boring… Yes, but effective.

Lean Protein:

Chicken
Egg whites with 1 egg for flavor
Chicken
Lean Pork
Grass fed beef
Salmon or Tuna
Tofu

Vegetables:

Spinach
Salad greens
Broccoli
Brussel Sprouts
Baby Carrots
Artichoke Hearts
Zucchini
Summer squash
Peppers
Snow Peas
Green Beans
Just about any vegetable is fine
Eat high sugar/calorie content vegetables in small amounts like Tomatos, Peas, Beets, & Chick Peas.

Legumes:
Lentils
Soybeans (edamame)
Pinto Beans
Black Beans
Lima Beans

Mix and match all you want and eat until you are full but don’t over eat. If you get hungry again feel free to make a another meal. Be aware of the difference between hunger, and the feelings that can often be interpreted as hunger such as being thirsty or sugar and alcohol cravings. Fill up by eating more vegetables always. Veggies are so low in calories you can eat all you want.

Avoid all sugars and carbs. No fruit, wheat, bread, pasta, sweets, fried foods and try to keep your fat calories you ingest as low as you can. Also avoid milk due to lactose, a sugar as well. I avoided cheese as that was one of my major fat sources.

Feel free to have one glass of red wine an evening as the health benefits far outweigh any negatives on blood sugar.

The idea is that you are going to deprive your body of carbohydrates forcing it to burn fat. Even a small amount of sugar or carbs can ruin your entire days worth of work so don’t cheat!

Snacks:
Baby carrots
Edamame
Small amount of Hummus
Stevia sweetened hot coca
Unsweetened Chai tea with soy milk

Drink a lot of water. Burning fat will release a lot of metabolic waste and stored toxins in your body. You have to flush that out to keep your weight loss rate high. I tried to drink at least a half gallon of water a day or more.

Cheat Day!!!

One day a week have at it. Eat and drink whatever! This resets your metabolism and gets your body to forget that it is on a diet. After your cheat day is done your body goes back to burning fat even faster cause it hasn’t gotten used to the lack of carbs yet.

My first cheat day I ate five doughnuts and two cupcakes and was almost sick to my stomach I ate so much sugar. I didn’t want to see sugar for days afterwards and for the first time in my life i craved vegetables.

Stick to this plan and you will drop at least fifteen pounds. I lost 16 pounds in the month and feel and look fantastic. One of my weeks I didn’t lose a pound and these are the things I think I did wrong:

Avoid fake sweeteners other than stevia. I found out that the sugar free chocolate I was eating had maltodextrin and maltitol as sweeteners. Both while supposedly not affecting blood sugar, actually do have a glycemic response. Avoid splenda because of the maltodextrin. I was also even trying Truvia a mix of stevia and erythritol as a sweetener that week and that may or may not have contributed. Avoid anything with fructose or dextrose in it, they are also sugars. The other issue that week was I wasn’t drinking enough water and I really do believe this was a major cause of not losing any pounds.

Of course the weeks I was a bit more active I lost weight quicker so combining this with some light exercise will make it even more effective but for the sake of the experiment my exertion was limited to biking to where I was going a couple times a week, my weekly salsa class, and a couple outings of frisbee golf. The month overall was not that active physically for me.

If you do add exercise to your month then you can introduce some complex carbs in within 30 min of the end of your workout. Something like a no cheese whole grain crust pizza or a turkey sandwich on 7 grain bread. See Tim’s post for more on that.

Example Meals:

Eggwhite Veggie Omelette with tofu and salmon, with a side of Trader Joes cuban style black beans (my favorite of all the canned beans)

Grilled chicken (on the george forman grill), vegetable medley (frozen from TJ’s, Fat free Refried Pinto Beans

Canned Salmon in a salad with tofu, grilled tempe, red peppers, carrots, snow peas, artichoke hearts, heart of palm, with a little low fat Italian dressing. Side of black beans

Lean piece of grilled pork with asian style vegetable mix from TJ’s (omitting the sauce) and fat free refried black beans.

I pretty much ate those four meals the entire month mixing it up a bit with spices like cumin and balsalmic vinager or a curry powder.

Going out to eat can be challenging but I managed to go out at least a couple times a week to eat and even date a couple girls. There was a great custom sandwich salad place that I ate at on one date and I went on a picnic for another date bringing a grilled chicken and two pre-made salads with hummus and veggies for dipping (and crackers and a cupcake for her). Mexican places are another great place to eat because you can often swap rice for veggies and pass on the tortillas. If anywhere I cheated it was an occasional second glass of red wine.

The sugar cravings were the worst part of it for me but I found a killer way to beat those as well. I made a great hot chocolate chai sweetened from stevia. Stevia is one of the only completely natural non chemical sweeteners that doesn’t affect blood-sugar. Avoid the ones that are mixed with maltodextrin. I got the SweetLeaf brand Stevia because it doesn’t have the bitter after taste sometimes associated with Stevia. I would steep the chai first then add a spoonful of Cacao powder and sweeten to taste with Stevia.

The only other difficulty on the diet is handling beans three meals a day. Get yourself some Gas-X or Bean-o and you won’t be as gassy after your first week. In fact by the end of the month it was only my cheat days that actually gave me digestive difficulties. I also tended to find I was not as regular as I should have been so I would recommend a fiber supplement to help keep things moving as well as don’t slack on drinking enough water.

I affectionately called this my Trim-Down program since us guy’s don’t like saying we are on a diet. Over the course of a month I can’t imagine an easier way to make yourself look and feel better. I ate when I was hungry, still drank my irish heritage fill of alcohol each week, and just when I was getting sick of it my cheat day would come around and make me forget I was even on a diet.

Want to get more dates and more beautiful women? Losing that gut certainly will help a lot!

In general I feel we worry too much about our body language. Attempts to overtly correct it by thinking about the way we move and the way we stand often makes it worse because we become a caricature of ourselves. The insecurity in our body language wont be gone, it just gets perceived along with this stereotypical “alpha male” body language that many other companies teach.

The best way to develop good body language is to increase your confidence. When you stop caring what people think of you and you stop trying to be something other than you, that is when confidence will show through in your body language.

Despite this there are things we do that projects insecurity, neediness, or a strange vibe no matter how confident we are.

1. Eye contact

This is a big one. Insecurity is shown by not looking someone directly in the eyes while you are talking. If you spend the majority time speaking or listening while looking anywhere else that is a big red flag.

Conversely if you are holding sustained eye contact bordering on 3 seconds or more and it isn’t leading up to making out with her you are being too intense with your eye contact. I have met more guys who make this mistake “trying” to improve their eye contact than just about any other mistake. Make good eye contact, look away for just a brief second then return to their eyes.

2. The handshake

So much is perceived in a handshake. If you are shaking a woman’s hand in a weak way, it does not come off as gentle. Give a woman a firm handshake, it should be more firm than she is grasping yours but not in any way bone-crunching, save that for your buddies. Most men fall into being almost too gentle with their handshakes.

The distance you hands meet in relation to where you are is also a good indicator of your confidence. If you are bending over and stretching out your hand well past the halfway point you are demonstrating she has more value. If you are not extending your hand far enough to the middle you are demonstrating your insecurity and shyness. Approach, stand tall and extend your hand half way between you two. If there is another person to meet move your feet not just your hand to bridge the distance.

3. Posture

Everyone in the theatre, film, and television industry has known this for generations. The better your posture is the more confident you will appear. I regularly get surprised looks when I say my height, most assume I am much taller. Stand up straight and keep your shoulders back. If you have been going to the gym make sure you are stretching out your pectorals after lifting and working on the reverse fly to bring your shoulders back. A hunched forward weight lifter is not what you want to become.

4. Body Facing

The angle at which you are facing is an indicator of many things. Directly facing someone can be very intense, almost confrontational. I tend to generally meet someone head on then settle in to talking to them at about a ninety degree angle. If they are facing more toward you at times in the conversation when they are interested in what you say turn toward them more. If they are more relaxed or in a sitting position where they are facing out more at one hundred and eighty degrees (shoulder to shoulder) then mirror that a bit.

You don’t have to be a slave to this, but if the person is facing you and very into the conversation you shouldn’t be facing away from them and the opposite is true as well.

5. Being “Cool”

When I think of what is “Cool” I think of one of the guys at the bar sitting along the wall just hoping if they act cool enough someone might talk to them. Anyone I think is actually a cool guy is not trying to be cool, they are being warm and friendly.

If you take away all of the money and prestige who would you rather hang out with, Sean “Puff Daddy” Combs or Owen Wilson? Puff Daddy is quintessential cool, and I’m sure he’s a nice guy, but I would much rather hang out with a fun, humorous, warm guy like Owen Wilson any day of the week.

The cool factor comes from not needing any one woman’s attention. You are confident enough to get along with anyone and be a warm friendly guy without coming off being needy. So be warm, not “cool”. Leave the body rocking, over the shoulder introductions, and leaning away for the guys who are trying to conceal their insecurities.

Strong, confident, assertive body language comes from increasing your confidence. I have never seen a confident man have bad body language, yet I have seen a lot of guys coming off extremely creepy because of some advice they are trying to follow. These 5 basics will get you on the right track, the rest will take care of itself if you build the life you want to be living as a confident, involved, social man.

1. Order for her without coming off like a misogynist.

Ask a woman what she wants or is going to order before the waiter comes (preferably after you have already decided your own order). When the waiter comes to get your order you can give him both of your orders.

You can even beat the waiter to the punch by asking her after your order “Is there anything else you would like?” and it gives her an option if she changed her mind.

2. Choose your seating location, don’t ask her to make your decision.

If you are going to a bar, theatre, or anywhere else where you have a choice of seats, choose confidently where you want to sit. Start walking over to a spot and say, “Let’s sit over there.”

Remember if a woman doesn’t want to do something it is her job to say “No”, you don’t have to keep checking in with her to see if everything you are doing is ok.

3. Assume she will, don’t ask permission

Ask her out by saying: “Thursday night at 8pm, let’s go to my favorite bar in the city for a drink.”

Avoid “Would it be ok if I asked you out? Or got your number?”

Tell her: “It was really cool meeting you, I’d like to get your phone number”

Avoid “What are you doing this week, would you like to go out with me?”

Say to her “I’d like to take you out, how bout I pick you up at 7 on Friday?”

Confidently assume she will say yes and go from there, the rest will fall into place if you approach it this way.

4. Ask a woman out on the phone, not text.

Get her on the phone to ask her out. Doing it over text is such a cowardly way to do it. The only time I break this rule is if she always texts me back instead of returning my calls, then it is fine. Also this doesn’t apply after you have gone on more than a few dates.

5. Be busy, don’t drop everything for her!

Nothing is worse than her knowing you have every night available to accommodate her schedule. Being assertive also means you have a life that you enjoy. Don’t break previous plans to go out with a girl EVER! Leave room in your schedule for her but don’t cancel plans. Instead make sure you make plans with her early in the week before your schedule (or hers) fills up.

Being assertive with women is not about being overbearing. It is saying what you want and leaving room for her to object or provide an alternative if she needs to. Don’t be a jerk about it, just be more decisive. Stating “I think we should go to….” is always better than getting stuck in the rut of “What would you like to do?”

Here are some of my strategies to keep myself confident and in a great mood to date and meet more women:

Be Busy!

One of the worst things for your confidence is sitting home alone making excuses for why you aren’t happy. I find if I have more than a couple evenings a week where I am just having “me” time my social circle starts shrinking and I get more depressed. The busier I am usually the better I am at planning outings and staying connected with friends.

Start planning regular nights you go take a class or go do a new hobby. Not only will you meet new people trying new things always builds confidence faster than just about anything. When you go do something send out a mass text inviting people. Even if no one shows invitations are just banking social karma. You will get more invitations the more you make.

Have a back-up plan.

Nothing gets me worse than a last minute cancellation. Then I am stuck with a whole evening that I got ready to go out and I end up sitting home watching movies. Don’t let some stupid flake ruin your vibe, send out the last minute calls to see what friends are doing. Also try to find one regular event on each night of the week that you can use as a back up plan. Here in San francisco I can find a salsa class on every night of the week, as well as classes at my gym, martial arts studio, indy film theater, comedy clubs, music venues, and even museums. Make some calls and if no one is in, make yourself go anyway!

Get the phone number… from him!

Single women aren’t the only people you want to get phone numbers from. Don’t forget to exchange contact info with cool guys, couples, and even women in relationships. Building a strong social circle is key to being happy and confident. Add them to your mass invites and soon you might find yourself pleasantly surprised when their cute single friends start showing up too. Here is more on how to build a strong social circle: http://www.charismatips.com/building-a-social-circle-2/

Get Your Conversational Skills Warmed Up.

Getting in a good mood to go out and meet people is a crucial element to being on your game. Get a pre-outing routine like listening to your favorite music or listening to a good comic to amp you up. Call a couple buddies to join you and even if they don’t they will get you talking.

Start off easy!

Don’t just go walk up to the hottest girl you see the moment you get there. Start off easy and go talk to some friendly people. One of the best ways I’ve found to get myself on the right track (even if I’ve just been shot down a few times) is to go find a couple of the wall flower guys standing in the corner. Ask them as an opener “Hey guys, how’s your luck with the ladies tonight?” First off they will know you are not gay, secondly their luck will likely be more pathetic than yours. Giving someone else encouragement often gets you in a better mood than you could imagine.

The other benefit of this is that the guys you meet will likely still be sitting there and you can come back and use them as a comfortable place to come back to when you are done talking with another group. Maybe even try to introduce some new people to them and you will all of a sudden be the guy that knows everyone!

Don’t Crawl Back Under Your Rock!

I talk to so many guys who are having trouble and are discouraged with their dating success and in reality it boils down to one thing. They get a bit of rejection or have a bad date/interaction and instead of picking themselves back up and get back out there they sulk. There is no confidence under that rock of yours! Come out and force yourself to get out and be more social.

Learn how to dramatically improve your dating skills in just 90 days. Over this 3-month period we’ll work together in both group sessions and in 1:1 individual sessions to help you learn everything you need to know to be more successful in your romantic life.

In The Art of Flirting Program, you’ll get the real-life experience, practice, support and motivation that you need for dating success, unlike other courses where you simply listen to a speaker tell you what you need to know and then send you on your way, I am committed to your success, AND if you are just as committed, I know that we will achieve it together!

$247/mo for 3 months

Next session starts in July and there are only 4 spots available. Sign up now!

If you sign up a friend before july 1st you both get $50 off your first month!
This course is for both Men and Women.

The Art of Flirting: How to Successfully Flirt and Get More Dates

Program Description:

Learn how to dramatically improve your dating skills in just 90 days. Over this 3-month period we’ll work together in both group sessions and in 1:1 individual sessions to help you learn everything you need to know to be more successful in your romantic life. In The Art of Flirting Program, you’ll get the real-life experience, practice, support and motivation that you need for dating success, unlike other courses where you simply listen to a speaker tell you what you need to know and then send you on your way, I am committed to your success, AND if you are just as committed, I know that we will achieve it together!

Program Format:

We will begin each month with a 3-hour group session where we will review the primary skills and strategies you will be working on for the month. Since you can learn much from you peers, you’ll also share and hear about the victories and stumbling blocks of your fellow group members. Each week you will get specific lessons, missions, and exercises. If you complete all of your missions you will get a very special reward each month. We will schedule 2 half hour phone consults where I will personally critique your conversation and dating skills and help you understand from beginning to end how to cultivate the three tenets of success; Confidence Assertiveness and Choice. Also you will have 30 min phone time you can use in whole or parts for any questions or issues that come up.

Program Content:

A maximum of eight people will be accepted to each session. Sign up soon to reserve your spot! A three month commitment is required.

Month 1: Your Confidence is Sexy!

Group Meeting – 3 Hours
- We will be covering the following topics:

• Start conversations anywhere with anyone
• Express yourself in an attractive confident way
• Create intense attraction
• Get the signals right — figure out when they’re really interested and how to move forward
• Set yourself up for relationship success — from the beginning
• Never run out of things to say
• Understand what your non-verbal body language is really saying about you
• Take the lead in group conversations

Week 1 – Know Thyself
Discover who you are and what you have to offer. By completing an in-depth questionnaire, you’ll begin to discover how to be truly confident, be comfortable with you who are and what you’re all about. Dating success doesn’t mean changing who you are but rather changing how you perceive yourself.

Week 3 – Project Extreme Confidence
This week with my help you are going to create a program to develop extreme confidence. We will personalize a program to enrich your life. Rededicate yourself to and discover new hobbies, interests, and adventures that will make you more interesting and passionate in your life. Attract the person you want to be with by being the person you know you can be.

Month 2 – Flirting and Connecting 101

Group Meeting – 3 Hours
- We will be covering the following topics:

• Get your flirt on, learn how YOU can start flirting with ease.
• Locate and meet someone you are really looking for!
• Have more in common with anyone by relating on an emotional level
• Deal with a lack of interest and things around
• Respond to anything unexpected they say

Week 1 – Get out there!
Get out there and meet more people!. Meeting people is easier than you could imagine, I will show you how. Embark on specially prepared individualized Action Missions. You will be going to the places with the kind of people you want to meet and taking steps to engage them or getting them to engage you in conversation.

Week 3 – Make it happen!!
– Time to make things happen. This week you will be pushing your limits and verbalizing what you want. No more nebulous friend-zone relationships, no more wishing they knew how you felt. Learn how to make it clear that you want romance, not just another friend. The missions this week will involve you being more assertive and defining your relationships you have begun to cultivate. For Women I work with you on how to gently encourage men to be more assertive with you and how you can still be assertive without intimidating or turning him off.

Month 3

Group Meeting – 3 Hours
- We will be covering the following topics:

• Creating a multitude of choice in your romantic life, no longer feel like you are limited in your dating choices
• See how to cultivate better and more choices in your romantic life
• How to start a solid relationship
• Understanding how to bring up Marriage, Kids, or other relationship needs

Week 1 – Create the social circle you always wanted
Nothing is more unattractive than a person who has no other life than the guy/girl he is dating. A rich fulfilling social life is a major part of the three tenets. This week you will learn how to explode your social circle. Your missions this week will involve adding both men and women to your social circle.

Week 3 – Master your own Destiny

– This week we will be covering what to do from meeting to well… wherever you want to take it. We will clear up what has been stopping you and make sure you are clear on the process of taking basic conversation to the first date and beyond. Also learn how to manage a full rich dating life without ever lying or hiding the fact that you now have a choice in the people that you date. I develop a weekly focus program specifically for you and your specific issues for the future. This weekly program will be the basis of any future work we do together.
In this time we well review your progress and identify your weak areas for future work.

Your Investment:

Your investment for this program is $247 a month. Your enrollment will be renewed automatically each month over the course of 3 months. You can cancel at any time. Unused phone consultation time does not accrue or carry over month-to-month.

Next session starts in July!

If you sign up a friend before July 1st you both get $50 off your first month!

Click here if you are interested in our Distance Coaching Program

Check out their podcast on Qualifying and Screening:

http://www.thesocialman.com/podcast-screening-and-qualifying

Listen in as I cover the Learn the secrets of creating deeper attraction. Beyond playful banter and teasing there is a deeper rapport based attraction that establishes that “I can’t stop thinking about him!” feeling. Lock in that emotional connection that makes her feel like you are so incredibly different from every other guy and you have so much in common (even when you don’t).

We will be covering:

How to have everything in common with anyone.

How to unlock the interesting things about her.

Learn to be intriguing and captivate everyone.

Create intense deep rapport without it being TOO heavy.

And More!

Join us for this one hour Teleseminar from Dan M (Socialhitchhiker) from CharismaTips.com and learn the secrets to Deep Attraction.

As men we are hardwired to chase and try to win the trophy. We don’t care that the gold color on the trophy is just painted plastic. The same applies to women. If they meet our initial qualifications, little will change our minds about whether we want to pursue them or not. We gave them an elevator up onto a pedestal and her approval is our medal and trophy that we will try for at all costs.

The problem is that the view of you from up there isn’t that attractive. Women are told so many times by our society that they do not fit the level of perfection they see in the movies and in magazines. When you come along and show such an intense interest she is so worried about being seen as who she is, flaws and all, once your fantasy of her is shattered she won’t even take a risk of that happening.

So what are we to do? Keep an eye out for her skeletons. Everyone has em. Remind yourself you don’t know her yet and she might end up being psycho of the year! Reel yourself back in, show more interest in her when she reveals things you like and don’t OVER compliment her when she is not giving you anything worth complimenting on.

I follow one simple rule. She gets no more and no less than any other girl I have dated that I was mediocre about. I have a particular woman in mind usually that I dated and did nice things for occasionally but in general didn’t go out of my way to try to impress. If I find myself going overboard and trying to impress her or acting too smitten, I reel it back. This doesn’t mean acting like an ass and not calling her back or not showing that you do want to see her, it is just a yardstick to avoid going overboard.

Good luck and keep her off your pedestal!

Learn all the steps you need to know in this one program. This is the place to start to take control back of your dating life. Know what to say and what to do from walking up and opening your mouth to sealing the deal.

In this product I teach you the basic and advanced techniques and methods that have brought me and thousands of my clients success in their dating and romantic lives.

• -How do I start a conversation with a woman I don’t know?

 

• -How do I flirt?

 

• -When do I know when the right time to kiss her is?

 

• -How do I know if she likes me as more than just a friend?

 

• -What do I do if I run out of things to say?

 

• -How do I get her phone number and what do I do if she doesn’t answer or call me back?

 

• These and other questions are all answered in the Audio Workshop.

 

Get a complete picture of how to be more successful with women

I don’t hold back anything from you and this is the very information myself and my clients have used countless times to attract and keep a woman coming back for more.

I take everything I learned from my own personal dating success, and coaching hundreds of men over the years to do the same, and have distilled it into an easy to understand and use Audio Workshop.

All of the information you need to be more successful with women is in this one low priced CD.

All of my other products, courses, and coaching go back to the techniques and methods taught in this CD and simply expand upon, diversify, and go further in depth on the basic principles I will teach you here.

I don’t believe in the teaser product. I want you to get more information than you know what to do with in this product. I want you to succeed and have you invite me to your wedding! Or at least your next trip to the playboy mansion -grin-.

Get a Free Preview!

Downlod one most powerful chapters and receive our newsletter with tons of great articles and special discounts on future coaching and products.

Dating Decoded might be giving away too much!

After sending out the product for feedback to some of my peers and former clients I got similar feedback from almost every single person.

“Are you sure you should be including EVERYTHING into this one product? Maybe you should split it into three or four products and sell them all separately. It is so COMPLETE what will you do for future products?”

It made me stop to think, “Am I making a huge mistake by giving it all away?”

Maybe I am being foolish, but I don’t want to sabotage your success just to increase my profits. I have always dreamed of creating this product so when I started working with my clients they would have a complete picture of everything I teach and we can start from APPLYING it, rather than learning it. This product is my COMPLETE method, I don’t hold anything back from you.

Take this opportunity, this product may just be TOO good and my marketing people may tell me to only offer it to my 1:1 coaching clients!

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: How is this product any different from all of the other dating products out there?

 

• This product unlike others give you the complete picture from approaching a woman for the first time with ease to my five steps to phone success and even sure fire techniques to kiss a woman. This is not a teaser product, if you don’t feel you get a 100% complete method with nothing missing you can ask for your money back. Your success is my motivation, I want you to have all the skills and tools you need.

   

  Unlike traditional dating advice I actually give you techniques with examples on how to use them in real situations to improve your dating. I don’t just talk about the mistakes you are making I help you fix them with surgical precision.

   

  Unlike pick up artists and the seduction community everything I teach could be read by the girl you are pursuing and it would work, even if she knew exactly what you were doing. There are no manipulative lines or tricks.

   

  When you implement the techniques and information in this product it will be the most attractive you showing up every time you meet a woman. Never blow another opportunity!

Q: Is this product just for geeks, guys who don’t get it, guys who just want to be a little bit better with women or will it work on really beautiful hot women?

 

• Teaching guys who are good at dating is easy. Even just a few tips from this product will dramatically increase even their results. Taking guys who have admitted they are clueless and giving them amazing successful dating lives is what I specialize in.

   

  The most incredible thing is that the guys I work with don’t just become sort-of successful. They are dating the most beautiful women they have ever seen.

   

  This product talks not only about how to just get a date, but how to be successful with the most beautiful intelligent confident women you can find. Manipulative tricks and memorized lines work on hot party girls, they don’t work on really high quality women that are smart.

   

  My method works not just on smart women, but it also teaches you how to connect, attract, and date beautiful women you have nothing in common with, even those hot party girls.

Q: Is this product just for guys who want to get more dates or will it work to get me a girlfriend, married?

 

• The first step is to establish a solid connection so she feels like you “get” her and understand who she is. There is nothing that feels better and more attractive in this world than when someone really “gets” you. This translates to setting up the stage for an amazing romantic relationship!

Q: Does this method only work on women? Can I use it at work, social situations, with family, etc?

• Yes! In fact as a side benefit of becoming better with women you will see your social skills dramatically improve in all aspects of your life, from interviewing for a job, to having more friends. Even my Mom saw a dramatic difference in relating to me after I implemented these things in my life. My clients biggest complaint after learning this method is they don’t have time to hang out with all the friends they make and that keep calling them.

The Dating Decoded Audio Workshop is your first step to ending the confusion surrounding dating for you

Imagine what it would be like if you KNEW every step along the way from meeting, dating, and beyond? No more asking yourself “Why didn’t that work out?” or “What could I have done different to get a date with her?”

Take the first step to understanding the whole dating picture and order the Dating Decoded Audio Workshop!

Get your copy for only $37!

What does successful dating look like?

I would like to introduce you to Leon,

Leon came to me a few months ago one major dating issue, he was tired of working so hard to get a girl’s phone number only for her to never call him back. He was able to occasionally get contact information from a girls he met but never bring it any further.

Fast forward two months of working with me and learning my method, he had this to say:

Working with Dan and the progress I’ve made in a few weeks left me amazed at how effective his program is! I’ve seen my share of dating advice and still I was frustrated because I wanted to meet and connect with interesting, happy, attractive people in an honest and ethical way. When I tried, many of my conversation would stall after a couple sentences. Even when I met a woman and conversation flowed, she would come across to me as impassionate and boring and I felt disillusioned. And just as often she wouldn’t reciprocate my interest at all.

 

I’m left completely convinced now that interesting people are everywhere around me. And as I continue to follow the system Dan helped me set up, my social circle is expanding so fast that I now ask people for their last names to distinguish entries in my phone. I’m no longer scared of attending business networking events and I’m meeting more and more potential dating partners who reciprocate my interest. I’m ecstatic seeing that what I learned is sustainable and applicable in other interpersonal interactions in addition to dating.

Leon is now in a really happy long term relationship that he chose to get into. He chose her instead of just meeting a woman that was into him and letting it turn into a relationship because he couldn’t find better.

Finally put your dating life back on track and learn the skills you need so when you meet the woman of your dreams you won’t blow it!

If you aren’t completely satisfied with program we will give you a full refund!

Download your copy INSTANTLY right now!

 

Purchase now for $37.00

If you are not completely satisfied with this product you are eligible for a complete refund. We ask you simply to listen to it one more time and try to actually put some of the techniques into practice, you WILL see results. If you are still unhappy email me personally within 30days of purchase at dan@charismacoaching.org and I will personally refund your money.

• What do you talk about on the second date? Most of the good conversation topics seem to be covered.
• If you managed to kiss her where do you go from there?
• You are probably nervous about the pressure of it needing to be better than the first date.

The second date is a very crucial date. A lot of women will give a guy a second date even if the first date was only OK, but if it doesn’t go better than the first it will be the last. It is on you to make the second date more than just a “get to know you” interview.

I usually do coffee or drinks for the first date, some activity where we can still talk on the second, and then a dinner date (usually at my place with me cooking) on the third date. If you can make it through those three you are usually golden and dating after that gets easier. The second date is always the one that I find is the most critical though.

The first key is to never move backwards on your dates unless she is specifically trying to slow it down. I usually kiss her the first time I meet her or on the first date. Obviously if the first date was coffee, an opportunity for kissing may not be making its way in there and I add one more date, usually drinks before an activity date. If you kissed her on the first date and you guys get close yet you don’t go to the same level on the second date, you are moving backwards. The other bonus to doing an activity date like hiking, going to a museum, or even going downtown and wandering through the shops, is that it takes a little bit of the pressure off and the environment gives you stuff to talk about. Just avoid taking a class together or doing an activity where it is more about that than doing something while talking.

I find the crucial moment on the second date is the first moment you see her. You are both nervous about how the date is going to go, whether the same vibe and rapport will happen, and if the feelings for each other are going to grow a bit. Take the first moment you see her on that second date to establish firmly how the rest of the date is going to go. It is exactly like approaching a woman for the first time. That first vibe she sees at the approach will tell her how the rest of the interaction will go.

If you have kissed her on the last date, the moment you see her again warmly greet her with confidence and give her a big hug and then kiss her straight on the lips with a touch of a slow romantic kiss without trying to “make out with her”. Save the tongue for later boys, just no grandma peck. Make it a short kiss and be the one to end it first. If you haven’t kissed her take this opportunity to give her a hug than with your arms still around her waist look her right in the eyes and in a slightly seductive way for a moment. Then before it becomes the slightest bit awkward go back to the warm friendly vibe and say something like “let’s go!” and start heading toward where you are going for your date.

These are my suggestions of how to handle the first few moments of your second date, feel free to do whatever is comfortable to you. The main point is to re-establish that vibe you had with her from the last date. If you had a good first date and start the second date off with that normal awkwardness of seeing each other again, that sets a negative tone. I want to be assertive right from the start to re-establish that comfortable vibe with her. However you handle it be conscious about being extra warm and affectionate the first moments of every date.

Our society is very hard on women openly expressing their attraction and sexuality towards men. We admonish women who are promiscuous with the term “slut”. Men even call a woman a slut, often as a reaction to being rejected. The societal roles of women’s sexuality is so confusing for both men and women. Women will often act like they don’t enjoy a man’s advances only to end up in bed with him that very night.

As a boy growing up raised by a single mother I learned to respect women, almost excessively so. I was the quintessential nice guy. I unfavorably Judged men who I saw overtly hit on women and were sexual and brash. I heard my female friends complain about these men yet wind up with them every time. In my own dealings with women the moment a woman made any indication of resistance I backed off out of my own idea of what was being respectful. An implication of another relationship, a joke about me hitting on her, to a flirty statement that I misinterpreted, all would freeze me in place. I would not pursue her in my self-righteous attempt to be respectful unlike all the other guys out there (who were way more successful than I). Basically I was just afraid and inexperienced.

Guys, we are our own worse enemies. Start with confidence and go after what you want. If you want a relationship with a girl, that does not exclude being flirtatious and sexual with her. In fact if you are not creating the sexual tension, moving toward the kiss, the caress, sex, you are going to end up in the friend zone. I am not talking all in one night, but if there is not a steady noticible progression to becoming more physical with a woman, most will assume you only want to be friends. If they don’t assume that, then they will realize you are just not assertive and confident enough to be attracted to in that way.

You need to move thing forward to the point where she is saying no or being a bit resistant. This should be a gradual thing as I teach in my Dating Decoded – Audio Workshop. The point is a bit of resistance is a good thing. She is going to do this so you won’t think she is a slut. This is the point to realize these “NO’s” really mean “Not Yet”. That “not yet” may end up being a cold day in hell before it happens, but you need to keep moving forward. Hit resistance, take a step back a bit, but then proceed again in a bit.

Women don’t respond to logical reasoning why you should move the relationship forward. They don’t respond to begging, they don’t want to talk about why or why not kissing should be happening now, you just have to assertively try again even if there has been resistance. Take a step back and then move forward again later.

Don’t give up, No means Not Yet!

I so want to kiss her but is the time right?

What will she do if I kiss her and she is not ready? Will I get slapped?

Oh that deep fear of rejection, my nemesis, stop plaguing my thoughts with doubt.

That’s it, I am going to do it. I am just going to kiss her. We have been talking long enough!

But wait… more talking…

Is it ok to interrupt her and kiss her?

Actually come to think of it do I need to say something before I kiss her?

Why is this so hard!!!??

Kissing a woman was the one thing that was always so confusing to me. It looked so easy on TV and in the movies. Just lean in and kiss her. I only wish it was so simple. So on my journey to understand myself and women I came up with two techniques that I have used over and over to get out of my head and start kissing her.

The important part of kissing is the lead up. You just can’t start kissing a girl out of the blue (well you can but not without really being able to read the situation well). If you are following the Dating Decoded method you know you should have done the following:

• Connect and relate on emotions
• Appreciate her for a character trait
• Make a Statement of Intent based on another character trait
• Understand her Relationship/Social Logistics
• Begin to flirt with something like the “Stop It!” game or other playful teasing if she responds to it (explained in my Dating Decoded Audio Workshop)

If it is all ahead go with the above then it is time to start thinking about kissing her. Here is my two favorite methods for initiating the kiss:

I Can’t.. They’re Watching

I look her deeply in the eyes and confess, “I have been thinking about kissing you for the last twenty minutes, -pause for effect-, but I can’t because the bartender is watching.”

At this point I have to read her a bit. If she seems like what I said is a positive thing or at least she isn’t leaning away or looking very uncomfortable I leave it for a moment for her response. If it is obvious I moved too fast then I just ask a completely unrelated question and keep going. I averted the disastrous rejection. More likely than not though, I have just given her a tool to give me permission to kiss her without being too forward. She will come back with “Really? I don’t think he is watching..”

I lean in to kiss her; right before it happens I pull back and say, “Damn, I just can’t. I think he is watching again.” Grinning a sly grin.

She at this point is racked with anticipation, right as she is about to say something, usually like a stammered “Uh, no.. I REALLY don’t think he is watching..” I lean in and assertively kiss her.

Adapt it to whatever situation you are in. The person watching could be the security guard, the homeless guy, if you are alone in the woods on a hike it could be that you believe big-foot is watching. It really doesn’t matter who is watching as long as it is someone who isn’t really watching.

Shh.. I am kissing you now

This is a technique that you HAVE to exude a confident mindset for. This is an all guts or no glory move but is amazing in its results.

While she is talking to you start staring deep in her eyes and occasionally at her mouth. Reach out and put your finger up to her mouth in a “Shhhh stop talking a moment” gesture. Lean in and kiss her confidently.

After the Kiss lean back and with a sly grin say “There now I can pay attention to what you were saying.”

She will usually stutter a few words and say something to the effect of “uh.. actually I completely forget what I was saying.” Kiss her again.

The biggest difference I have seen in the effect of arrogance thrown in with confidence really depends on the confidence of the woman you are pursuing. We always are attracted to someone more confident than we are. If the women you set your sights on tend to be insecure, the translation of arrogance is often not that different from confidence. The more confident the women you set your sights on, the more easily they will see the insecurity or self delusion of arrogance in your words and actions.

I see it often in my clients that have been using some of the dating advice out there that advocates a “cocky” approach. In an effort to seem more confident they act like the arrogant assholes they had always previously despised. The false confidence comes off as insecurity shielded by arrogance.

The most confident men I have known also happened to be good with women. The two go hand in hand; the interesting thing is that what shows the most confidence is the ability to be ok with our own weakness. Arrogant men try not to show any flaws and flout their positive attributes. Confident men have no problem expressing that they are not perfect yet show no insecurity either.

The key in doing that is when you express a weakness of yours to do it in a confident tone of voice. Communicate through your tone and body language that you are not ashamed of your weakness and you see the positive side of it, or at least see the light at the end of the tunnel. End it on a positive note and don’t be self deprecating. Doing this shows more confidence than any cocky line or attitude.

Also check out an old podcast I did when I worked for Charisma Arts that talks all about how to use a technique called Disqualification to express your weaknesses in a confident way.

On road to true confidence you are bound to make the mistake of being too overtly confident. Even that take it in stride and admit “maybe I’m trying to seem a bit more confident than I am, but you didn’t hear that from me ”

Check out this video to hone this power of listening for good rather than evil:

With the other woman I am dating I realized I had been fooling myself a bit about the chemistry. A comment she had said sat with me about her doubts about our chemistry and I realized I was feeling the same. I had been fooling myself a bit because she was so beautiful and fun. No matter how much i’ve learned about myself and what I want, a beautiful woman still gets me off my course sometimes. Maybe I am just rationalizing that it didn’t work out and why, but I found myself even subconsciously not setting up dates soon enough with her and even making our first date a coffee date. I usually reserve coffee dates for women I am not that into.

In the end I realize it is good to be out there and dating though. Regardless of the ups and the downs of dating just keeping myself out there and dating consistently helps my confidence. I would like to find that woman I can settle down with, but I refuse to sit around and wait. That means dating people sometimes I may not see a future with. I’d like to say I am giving them a chance beyond a couple dates, but honestly having fun and enjoying their company regardless of wanting a long term relationship is what keeps me going.

I could sit around turning anyone down that is not a likely “match” or I can keep dating till I find them when I least expect it. Actively dating is great way to remind yourself that you have CHOICE. When I am not meeting new women and dating and instead just hoping i’ll meet someone soon it gets me down about my dating prospects.

I encourage everyone to get out there and date more. Dating is sorting and you have to get in there and meet more people before you come across someone you really want to be with.

I recently talked to a woman about texting and dating and she hated getting texts that don’t ask for a specific response. My texting advice has always been make a statement like: “Just had an amazing salsa class, although if i do another spin I’m gonna fall over.” Simple with a bit of personality and energy. She might have felt like “Am I supposed to respond to this?”. Personally I am ok with that. I am not asking her to respond, I am just sharing a bit. If she does cool, and it will lead to a text conversation for a bit. It also puts me in her head if we haven’t talked and we don’t have time for a phone call. If she actually does think too much about whether she should respond or not then at least she is thinking about me Mainly though i use these type of statements when I am trying to keep in touch with more than one person or am between the time i called them the first time and waiting for them to get back to me. If I ask a question over text and she hasn’t even called me back yet, it can come off needy. A statement works better in that case.

So besides statements I think certain questions are OK if at least it is not your first couple texts ever to them. Specifically this is where a closed ended question works well. “Did you end up making it to your Yoga class on time?” “Enjoy your new book?” “Did you ace your test?”

Normally I hate closed ended questions. They kill conversation. However on text they are great; I am not asking them to write a book of a response, just a simple yes or no. The trick is that no one will just write “yes or no”, they will go into a small bit of detail, taking the conversation from there is easy. People don’t answer texts when there is too much needed in return, much like my hated “how are you?” A simple closed ended question asks very little in response so people will usually respond quicker to them.

The secret to answering this question (or any personal question really) is to understand how what you do relates to the person you are talking to. The facts of anyone’s job are pretty boring. A test pilot talking about his 141 point check before flight is going to bore someone to death. It doesn’t matter what you do; if you help someone understand more of the “why” you enjoy it, or explain it in a way they can understand and relate to, it will be interesting to them.

Technique #1 – The Job Effect

Start thinking about how your job relates to her life. In what way does what you do affect her world?

Job: Internet Security Specialist
Effect: Prevents Identity Theft

Her: What do you do?
Me: I battle the evildoers out there that are looking to buy pink Cadillacs with your money.
Her: How do you do that?
Me: I figure out ways to beat hackers at their own game so they don’t steal your identity.
Her: Oh! You are like an internet super hero! That is cool.

Job: Ball Bearing Sales
Effect: Without Bearings Wheels wouldn’t work

Her: What do you do?
Me: Without the product that I sell we would go back to the stone age.
Her: What do you sell?
Me: It’s not the wheel, but I make wheels go faster.
Her: You sell tires? Maybe rims?
Me: Even more important, I sell the ball bearings that are in every wheel on the planet. Just don’t tell my competitors, they may tell you I’m exaggerating just a bit.

Don’t play it out too long or she just won’t care but make it a bit interesting by making her ask a bit more about it. Even something as boring as ball bearings can be made into something interesting. The point is not to try to impress her; it is just to make it so she can relate to the job a bit.

Technique #2 – Why I like what I do
Don’t explain the facts, just tell them about why you enjoy what you do

Job: Accountant

Her: What do you do?
Me: I’m an accountant. The thing I love about my job is that I can make everything make sense. I get to solve problems that I know always have an answer. It’s not always the answer that my clients want to hear but they can never argue with me either. Overall it’s nice because I know that I am doing the best to help people be more effective in their financial lives.

Job: Medical Research

Her: What do you do?
Me: I’m in medical research. I get to spend my time figuring out the secrets to eternal life, ok maybe just a better more healthy life. It is the puzzle that I know no one has ever answered that really keeps me excited about my work. I get to explore the mysteries of what makes us alive and how that happens.

We may love what we do and get excited about it, but we often think others might not see it the same way. When we think about our job, the boring parts are what come to mind first. Instead of explaining your job as a whole including those boring parts, just focus on the positives and what you like about it or why you do it.

Your job doesn’t define you but your attitude towards it can. Be someone who can express their personality even when talking about something you might find boring. Find a way to share in a relatable interesting way and you will stand out from everyone else.

GPF=General Protection Fault, the “blue screen of death”.

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Just when you think you’ve seen it all, singles groups across the country find new hope for romance via iPhone speed dating.”iDating” parties have become so popular in some cities like San Francisco, California, adding multiple nights and still packing in standing room only crowds. “The iPhone makes speed dating more user-friendly, because you’re rejecting a photo not a real person.” said Niko Atuna who co-hosts her own iDating parties in the downtown San Francisco area for $25 a person.

The iDating events serve beer, wine and cold hors d’oeuvres to keep the singles mingling. After the one-on-one portion of the evening is completed, participants make dating selections individually from the iPhones sequestered in a private area. A personal message is usually sent via iPhone to ask the big question. Participants can either accept or decline a request for a date after the event. Being added as a contact is typically the indicator that a date has been accepted, making the selection process impersonal and totally high tech.

“I’ve been added as a contact to more iPhones than I can keep track of” said Barry Faig, a speed dating regular; “The ladies love my fresh pimpin’ style and my dope ass photo helps too.” iDating parties are reaching super-fad status in major metropolitan cities across the U.S. for hipster singles. “It’s a part time job for me, I clear over $1,800 dollars a week after expenses.” said Atuna, who will be adding her second weekly party starting in September. Daters must own their own iPhone to qualify for participation. The new age of romance has arrived with iDating, hand delivered and sealed with a kiss on an iPhone near you.

From
 http://www.iphonesavior.com/2007/07/speed-dating-co.html

Just please don’t be like the guy quoted in the article. I love how reporters use the most ridiculous quotes.

There are two types of situations you should be aware of before starting a conversation, implied social situations and public situations. In implied social situations such as a crowded bar, a party, or other group gatherings you don’t need an opener. People are there to be social and they are aware of the possibility of someone new coming to talk to them. If women weren’t at least open to the possibility of meeting and being approached by someone new they would go to somewhere quieter with less people. In these situations simply approach with a warm confident vibe and introduce yourself. After that ask an open ended question and relate to what she says or answer your own question to keep the conversation going.

In public situations people are in their own heads. Having a stranger talk to them is not that uncommon, however most people avoid those with an agenda. There are lots of people who might talk to you in public. Solicitors, panhandlers, volunteer activists, lost tourists, and even someone asking the time. We avoid conversation with people that have strong agendas like someone trying to sell you something. However it is normal if a casual conversation with a stranger occurs spontaneously. Going up to introduce yourself here would not work because of the obvious agenda to hit on her. This is where a focus opener or a presumption would be used. On a side note for ladies, you can use a focus opener or presumption to start a conversation with a guy in both situations and you won’t come off being too forward.

Focus Opener

The idea behind a focus opener is to start a conversation in a way that is casual and doesn’t have an apparent agenda. Conversations spring up between strangers in public all the time, it is usually started with a question or a comment about the situation at hand. The secret to coming up with a good conversation starter is to understand what the other person is focused on and then ask them an open-ended question about it.

Situation: Bookstore
Focus: Finding a book
Focus Opener: “You look like a well read person, what’s a good book you could recommend?”

Situation: Cooking Store
Focus: Thinking about cooking and cookware
Focus Opener: “What’s on your list of must have cookware?

Situation: Coffee Shop Line
Focus: Thinking about what to order
Focus Opener: “I think it is time for me to try something different, what are you ordering?”

Situation: Art Gallery
Focus: Thinking about a particular painting
Focus Opener: “What’s your take on this one?”

Presumption Opener

This is one of my favorite openers because it is a casual opener that jumps you right into a personal conversation. With a focus opener you have to transition from a platonic conversation about whatever you started with to a more personal conversation about who she is.

A presumption is an open-ended question that presumes something about her.

Situation: Bookstore
Focus: Looking at classic literature
Presumption: She is in university
Opener: “What University do you go to?”

Situation: Art supplies store
Focus: Buying art supplies
Presumption: She is an artist
Opener: “Where is your gallery?”

Situation: History Museum
Focus: Looking intently at an exhibit on military history
Presumption: She is in the military (Falsely to be funny)
Opener: “What war did you serve in?”

Presumptions have a really powerful ability to get you into conversation whether the presumption is correct or not. In fact it is often better to have a wrong presumption. Either you can make it humorous like the last example or they will feel like they have to correct you and explain. In general people don’t want someone to have an incorrect notion about them and will feel compelled to correct it. For us that is a good thing because whoever we are trying to engage in conversation will say more for us to relate to.
The conversation almost starts itself if they are telling me, “I actually don’t have a gallery. I’ve just been painting since high school because I enjoy it.”

The most important thing about starting a new conversation is to ask open-ended questions and answer the question yourself if you get a very short response. If you ask closed ended questions like “Is that a good book?” She may just say “I don’t know”, hand you the book, and walk away. If you do ask a good question and get a very short answer then answer your own question and go back to her with a smaller question.

Me: You look like a well read person, what’s a good book you could recommend?
Her: I don’t know…
Me: Well I’ll give you my quick recommendation then. One of my personal favorites is Life of Pi. I just loved picturing myself in the lifeboat with the tiger imagining if I could outwit him each day just like the main character did. So what is one good book you’ve read recently?
Her: Well the one I read recently was…….

Approaching and starting a conversation with woman can be very nerve-wracking. You will never know exactly what to say in every situation. Remember it is often not about what you say, but how you handle yourself if you say the wrong thing. Just keep going confidently and don’t let it get to you if you stumble over your words. Use the techniques we went over and you will be starting conversations with new women left and right. The first step to better dating success is meeting more women. Get out there and enjoy the adventure of approaching and meeting more women!

Confidence, Assertiveness, and Genuine Interest.

Look at Obama, our president for an example. He projects an amazing amount of Charisma. Not only is he confident and willing to take a risk to make change, it feels like he actually cares to listen. What an
“American public valued most was a leader whose strength lies in listening.”

Having a genuine interest in who people are and what is interesting about them to me is the most important aspect of charisma.

On a live recording from one of my favorite musicians I remember when he got up and said something to the affect of:

“I really don’t want to just get up here and say ‘How is everyone tonight?’ and get a bunch of applause for nothing. I actually care and really would love to find out how each and every one of you are doing. Of course that would take all night, but I sincerely hope all of you are well and I get to meet some of you later and take a moment to truly find out how you are doing. Thank you for coming to listen to my show, I hope you enjoy my music”

The simple act of showing you care to listen to someone and are interested in who they are as a person, is one of the most powerful qualities of charisma that you can project

“I like your statement of appreciation concept: I, you, trait. But how do you avoid feeling formulaic internally after you have just used the same framework with someone else earlier that evening or last night, etc? ”

The framework is there to help make your compliments more effective. Once you get the idea you can say it in a thousand ways.

Here are just a few examples:

I like that you are so creative
I think you have a really amazing sense of style
You are so smart, I find that enthralling about you
You know that is so incredible to me that you are like that

Mix it up and don’t worry about making it too perfect. The most important part is complimenting the character trait. The I, and You, part is to focus it a bit more.

Missing the “you”:

I love women who are adventurous

Missing the “I”

That’s cool you are so adventurous

The first is worse than the second but both lump her into a group. Missing the “you” lumps her into a group with all women you like. Missing the “I” puts her in a group where everyone would think that, not you specifically.

“I am not a virgin but I am really inexperienced sexually, I have only been with a woman once. I am really nervous that the next time I get ready to have sex that she’ll be able to tell since I am not experienced. Should I just tell her upfront, and if I do won’t that be a turn off for her?”

Sexpert Kelly answers:

Women often can’t tell if a man is inexperienced. It usually comes off as being awkward or shy and that is not necessarily something that ends with experience. Just because a man has had several lovers, does not mean that he is good in bed or that they were pleasurable experiences. You need to think in terms of quality, not quantity.

If you are currently seeing someone, what makes you think she has any more experience than you have? She may be feeling just as nervous as you are. Are you just planning on jumping right into sex with her or is it something you are working up to? If you take your time and work up to actual intercourse you will learn a lot about what pleases her sexually and build your own confidence at the same time.

Communication is the key to any relationship. If this is something that really concerns you, then I would recommend talking to her about it. But phrase it in a positive way. Start by telling her that you really like her and that you are very attracted to her (hopefully the truth). Then simply tell her you would like to take your relationship to the next level when it comes to sex but that you want her to know you do not have a lot of experience with sex and you hope that you will be able to learn together what you both like. Tell her you are open to her telling you what pleases her. A lot of men think they know it all; women often find it more appealing to be with a man who is actually open to instruction and feedback.

If you feel comfortable enough to get naked with someone and engage in such a deep level of intimacy, you should feel comfortable talking about it with each other. Sex is something that can always be improved when both partners are willing to work at it. A lot of people do not start their sex lives together feeling the earth move but they get there with practice and patience.

Mike: So how long do I wait to call?
Trent: A day.
Mike: Tomorrow.
Sue: Tomorrow, then a day.
Trent: Yeah.
Mike: So two days?
Trent: Yeah, I guess you could call it that, two days.
Sue: Definitely, two days is like industry standard.
Trent: You know I used to wait two days to call anybody, but now it’s like everyone in town waits two days. So I think three days is kind of money. What do you think?
Sue: Yeah, but two’s enough not to look anxious.
Trent: Yeah, two’s enough not to look anxious. But I think three days is kind of money. You know because you…
Trent: You know what. Ha ha ha Mike, laugh all you want but if you call too soon you might scare off a nice baby who’s ready to party.
Mike: Well how long are you guys gonna wait to call your babies?
Trent, Sue: Six days.

The classic dilemma, how long do I wait before I call a girl. The two day rule became famous from The Movie Swingers. You don’t want to come off looking too anxious and needy and it seems calling later rather than sooner will do that.

One of the biggest complaints my female clients voice is about guys who wait too long to call. This is an example of what goes through their heads:

Night of: He was really cool; I liked him. I really hope he calls.
Next Day: It would be really fun to go out with him, hopefully he calls today or tomorrow
Second Day: Well he still hasn’t called, I really hope he is not the kind of guy who tries to wait two or three days so he won’t seem needy. I’ll still go out with him if he calls but this game is pretty lame.
Third Day: What an idiot, I can’t believe he didn’t call me. If he calls I might even just ignore it.
Fourth Day: What an ass, I hope I never run into him again.

If she likes you she wants to hear from you; call her the next day. If I am absolutely too busy to call the next day I usually send a text to say “It was cool meeting you last night, This weekend is a bit crazy I’ll give you a call on Sunday.” By doing that you short-circuit the thought process she goes through from Yay to Nay.

It is amazing to me how much my feelings for a woman changes throughout the week depending on how much or little we talk. I recently met a woman on Friday and after spending the night with her and much of the day Saturday, her five texts in a row on Sunday made me feel like I needed a bit more distance. As the week went on I think she sensed something and she only texted me twice during the week and didn’t return one of my calls. By the end of the week I was wondering if I screwed up and she didn’t like me anymore and was really hoping to see her or talk to her soon. A small text from her at this point had me jumping to call her and make plans. The same happens for women.

My simple rule is don’t send more than two unanswered texts in a day. If I don’t get a response I wait one full day with no contact and then try another text or phone call. If she enjoys having a text conversation with you go ahead and have fun with it. I just never send more than two texts in a day that she hasn’t replied to, and generally just send one.

You don’t have to play games with phone calls and texting; just don’t go overboard. Call if you want to call, text if you want to text. The only time you will come off needy is if you keep calling or texting if she hasn’t responded.

For more discussion from getting the number to the next step check out: How Many Times Should I Call a Girl?

I remember when a girl asked me how is Bio-Diesel made when I told her I use it in my car. I think I went on for close to fifteen minutes explaining from start to finish the process from turning vegetable oil into Bio-Diesel. She finally stopped me and teased me pretty hard for it. Your date may not find it as endearing.

2 ) Being Condescending

Just because we know a lot about a lot of things never gives us the right to make someone feel stupid. Sometimes simply just taking a moment to ask “How familiar are you with it?” before explaining it as if they were five years old will allow you to save face.

3 ) Know-it-all/always being right

It is hard being smarter than everyone around us (at least we think we are). As soon as I learned to try to see someone else’s point of view fully before explaining my opinion it was a lot more comfortable to be around me. Try to see someone else’s side of things first and relate to it.

4 ) Fashion – Tennis shoes all the time

If you are the guy who wears white tennis shoes in every situation, it is time to go shopping. Buy yourself some nicer shoes for work or casual social events. You don’t have to go crazy but even some more trendy sneakers will go a long way. Sketchers make lots of inexpensive shoes that are as comfortable as tennis shoes but are a little bit more fashionable. You could even branch out and try some more fashionable going out shoes or boots. Just make sure they aren’t too out there if that is not your personality. Women do notice shoes.

5 ) Fashion – Wearing clothes that don’t fit

It is time to stop dressing like the clothes were hand-me-downs. Oversize shirts do not hide your gut or your lack of biceps. The shoulder seam of your shirts should be within an inch of the corner of your shoulder, not down on your arm. Pants should not be baggy; while they shouldn’t be skin tight they should fit well without being too constrictive. Ask a sales woman to help you find sizes that fit and try going too small and too big to understand what the right fit is.

6 ) Fashion – Out of date clothes

Wearing a t-shirt or sweatshirt that was your parting gift from high school is not a statement of loyalty; it’s a statement that you are too lazy to buy new clothes once in a while. Retire your clothes if they are out of date. I usually try to not wear clothes longer than one to two years and sometimes three if I don’t wear them that often. Subtle changes over a few years actually show up and while people may not point it out, it makes you look dated.

7 ) Texting or emailing while talking

I have a bad habit of surfing the web when talking to friends and even women. If you are having a conversation, put down the game, the phone, the email, etc. Pay attention and be in the conversation

8 ) Being defensive when teased

Roll with the punches. Learn a bit of Disqualification and stop defending yourself, they are only teasing.

9 ) Asking for feedback on a date

This is a big one. Don’t ever ask how you are doing on a date. Don’t ask whether she likes you or not or if she is having fun. Nothing shows more insecurity then checking in frequently on a date. Have fun and enjoy your time together. If she is not into you, or not having fun, that is her responsibility to end the date or tell you. It only makes it awkward for you to ask. If she says no, what are you going to do about it? Getting to the second date will tell you more than any answer she gives you.

10 ) Self Deprecating

Comedians are great at self deprecating humor. Leave it for them to do or learn to use Disqualification. While you shouldn’t be bragging, conversely don’t put yourself down. It shows a lot of insecurity. I mean honestly when a woman tells me she is fat, I almost want to smack her. It is like fishing for a compliment, I don’t want to pander to her insecurities. You shouldn’t make women feel that way either by putting yourself down.

Thanks for your patience through this change and see you on the other side!

Dan
Charisma Coaching

Hi could you tell me what is the best way to sweep a lady off her feet?

Hey John,

The whole idea of sweeping a woman off her feet is the at the very core of why men are unsuccessful with women. It implies that the woman is worth everything and a man should do everything in his power to get her. The only time this works is if she is already in love with you. If she is not sure then all of the attention is overwhelming and comes off needy.

A strong confident man has his choice of women and doesn’t need to obsess over one woman. He doesn’t decide a woman is perfect for him and instead tries to find out if she is right for him. He finds out who she is and based on what he finds out about her he starts to show more interest.

Men successful with women never sweep women off their feet, that is reserved for the movies. A man seduces a woman’s heart with strength and confidence in who he is and finding out if she is attractive to him on many levels and up to his standards.

Dan

If you have questions you’d like answered please email me at qna@charismatips.com

Not everyone gets flirting. It is a special playful rapport that is like a tennis game. If you don’t return the ball the game is over. In my efforts to learn flirting I stumbled a lot and either was too forward or too oblivious to see when it was hit my way. I also know plenty of women who are just as bad. I recall one woman who I was joking around and gave her a very small playful hip bump (physical flirtation). She takes her one misstep and completely ignores it and continues the conversation. A classic example of letting the ball go by.

Flirting is all about lobbing a few tennis balls over the net until you get a return. If the person you are flirting with doesn’t return any of them you are going to have to take another approach. In fact in the method that I teach there are plenty of ways to move forward and be successful without being a good flirt. I should know I had to learn something that worked even while not being a good flirt. When you do get someone willing to flirt back with you it is an exciting fun way to amp up the sexual tension.

The first step in good flirting is to start with some small innuendo and see if they pick up on it and run with it.

Me: Well I can see why it might be difficult to explain, I’m sure they got a bit distracted talking to you.
Her: Oh really, then why is it you aren’t having any trouble?
Me: I had to fortify my defenses against your feminine charm before I came out.
Her: Oh, and how are they holding up?
Me: Well if you keep looking at me that way, I’m doomed.
Her: Well in that case. –she stares deeply in to my eyes-
Me: You win; I guess I’m just going to have to kiss you now.

Notice it started off very subtle and each time she went with it, I intensified it strongly. You know you have succeeded when she blushes, all of a sudden turns shy, or playfully hits you.

Her: I’m kicking myself now for it.
Me: Careful those sexy legs are dangerous!
Her: Nah, they are just for show.
Me: Good cause I am enjoying the show. -sly grin-
Her: -hits me in the arm playfully-

Flirting will naturally escalate to a certain point and is a great way to move things forward. If she keeps returning your flirtation, you keep going with it. If she stops by playing shy, blushing, or hits you playfully, that is a sign to stop that line of flirting for a moment and go back to normal conversation and start again with more subtle flirting. The game is simple. You throw a few flirtatious comments out until one gets accepted and returned (even if it is just an acknowledgement and a willingness for another to come) and then you make the next one a little more obvious and direct. Each time you get a return flirt you keep intensifying it until she stops returning the flirt or the flirting is diffused by her acting shy or she does the playful arm hit and or says something like “You’re bad!”

Flirting takes practice, and you are going to have to be ok with making mistakes. Sometimes you won’t get any of your flirting returned and sometimes you might come off a little too forward. That is where learning sexual barriers will come in because they will give you surefire techniques to save yourself if you were too forward. Sexual barriers work even when your with someone who is not very flirty. For a good discussion of Sexual barriers check out Sexual Escalation – Audio

Good luck on your flirting adventures and remember to have fun and don’t take anything too seriously. Get your flirt on!

I need your help to pick a name for the new website. Take this survey to help me choose:
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TheCharmingGeek.com
ConfidentGeek.com
CharismaticGeek.com
GeekCharisma.com

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Click here to check it out!

Also check out Kelly’s blog at http://www.sexpertkelly.com

If you are interested please email me at dan@charismatips.com

With the following info:

Name:
Age:
Gender:
Occupation:
Location:

Survey for Guys is complete: Thank you for all your responses and help! I am still accepting female surveys so please encourage any women you know who are single to contact me! Actually whether I am doing a survey or not I’d still encourage that Seriously though, if you are interested in coaching or help of any kind I am still doing a free 20min phone consult to explore how I can best set up a program to help you.

But as I was checking out all these different sites I realized there was one important component missing in the discussion. Intimacy. Why is no one talking about intimacy when they are exploring how to improve their sex lives? It is not the act of sex that binds people together. It is intimacy.

When we share intimacy with someone we make the choice to be close and loving to them. But we also choose to be vulnerable. We open ourselves up and take risk. We risk our heart, our feelings, the private thoughts we confide in someone all in a relationship we don’t know will last. There is a cost to everything in life, every choice we make. Risking emotional pain and disappointment is the cost of having love and intimacy in our lives, of possibly really connecting with another.

It amazes me how many questions I get from people asking me how they can talk to their partner about their sex lives. While sexual communication is an important part of a healthy sex life, I am often surprised when people can get naked with someone, explore every part of their body but cannot or do not have the skills to talk to their partner about what is on their mind when it comes to sex. Being able to have those conversations also helps intimacy develop.

When people ask how they can give their partner multiple orgasms or improve their sexual technique or breathe new life into what they report is a dull, unsatisfying sex life, I can’t help but wonder if there is the underlying issue of lack of intimacy.

Having sex with someone is easy. Anyone can learn how to please someone physically. Having intimacy with someone is the real challenge.

I realized then that I sucked at dating at and I needed help. I knew I was a successful, motivated, interesting man with a strong confidence and that peopled liked me; why didn’t she? I was a nice guy. What was wrong with nice guys? Why do nice guys finish last? Do I have to act like an asshole to be good with women?

Are you a nice guy that wants to be better with women? Well on your search I am sure you have come across the Pickup Artist Community revealed by the book by Neil Strauss “The Game”. That was where I started too. After getting trained and teaching for two years as the senior instructor at Charisma Arts (Wayne Elise’s company AKA “Juggler”) I discovered the art of being successful with women and my social life in general. Everything changed for me. I discovered happiness. The interesting thing was I never felt great being associated with the “PUA (pickup artist)” community. They were all telling guys at that time that they had to change, that being themselves wasn’t interesting and stop being the “nice guy”. I remember reading David DeAngelo’s book thinking, “If I have to be that much of an asshole I would rather be alone the rest of my life.”

I have never claimed to be a PUA and I never will. I gained something far more valuable through my search that most of the guys in the community are only grasping at; happiness and a fulfilling social, romantic, and sex life. Most PUA’s I know are good at only the sex life thing.

So how do you be successful with women (and people in general) without being an asshole? Without the cocky funny lines, the routines, and stock banter, what is it that really makes someone successful?

1. Confidence
2. Be Assertive
3. Choice

Know who you are and what is worthwhile and meaningful in your life to achieve true self-confidence. Be assertive with what you want in life, love, and friendship to make it happen. Once you achieve the first two you will see an increase in the choice of who you have to date, who to include in your social circle, and what you want out of the relationships in your life. Understanding you have choice removes the neediness and instills the sense of detachment that is very attractive to the opposite sex.

Assholes, PUA’s, Bad Boys, and Douchebag guys have all three guaranteed. Yes they are good with women, but it is those three that make them successful, not the negative aspects in way they act. My goal has been to be a gentleman, a nice guy, but to find a way to do that successfully. I realize everything in the method I developed and have taught to thousands of men all fall into teaching them techniques to achieve the above three things.

You can be successful and be a gentleman and a nice guy. Don’t let the anyone tell you otherwise. Women want assertive, confident, nice guys.

In many respects I have hit a wall. I feel very much like when I originally started looking for dating advice, unfulfilled and accepting that I didn’t have the skills to succeed. This is far different from failing to me. The moment I realize I need help is when I make the most progress. I swear though, my damn ego thinking I can do anything and I don’t need help is what always slows me down. So here is an outline of a thought progression I have that is applicable to any situation:

Goal: Create a financially successful business where I can positively impact the lives of others or this planet in general.

Assets: Strong teaching skills, Good speaking presence, Articulate, Experience in many different fields.

Hindrances: Large Ego, Unwilling to ask for help, Cheap, Lack of financial resources, Laziness, Overloaded with conflicting information, Little to no marketing experience

Problem: Slow business growth

Solution Brainstorming:

Hire a marketing person.
Pros: They do the work for me.
Cons: Expensive and hard to find someone who has a proven track record of success with my industry

Hire a Life Coach.
Pros: Affordable, Will keep me motivated, good for brainstorming, Will keep me accountable for progress.
Cons: Limited Marketing Experience,

Find someone with a successful business similar to mine and inquire about mentorship
Pros: Learn from someone experienced and is successful
Cons: They may not know how to help me become a success or be able to explain teach it. Hard to find

Join a group of other entrepreneurs to brainstorm solutions
Pros: Free or low cost. Easy to find in San Francisco (meetup.com)
Cons: Possibility of being overwhelmed by ideas and directions

What do all the solutions have in common:

Ask for help.

My next step I believe is going to be hiring a consultant to help me achieve my goals as well as get involved in the online entrepreneur community. Also as I learn what mistakes I made and am making I need to learn to ask for help when I need it. So first I’d like to ask you my loyal clients and readers for help. Please help me by answering these quick questions in a comment

1. What are your goals with dating?
2. What products or services would you like to see Charisma Coaching Offer? (paid or free)
3. What other dating websites/blogs do you read?
4. What do you think I could do or not do to reach more people?

So what do you need help with? Try using my outline to go through the process to help you figure out what you need. Maybe that will be just getting a group together to motivate you to do what you already know you should be doing. Or possibly you are ready to receive some help from someone who can help you just as I decided to get help. If I can help you be that person you want to be and achieve your goals go check out the services I offer.