Flirting is a different experience for men and woman. Each gender has signals, some of which are unconscious, that they send when flirting and I will talk more about gender specific flirting behavior later. However, there are also general flirting behaviors that are universal in both sexes. As I said in previous postings, next time you are out in public, see if you notice these kinds of interactions between men and woman, or better yet, see if anyone tries them on you! Or even better than that, try them one someone yourself!
Some general signs of flirting include:
Eye Contact: Does this person make eye contact with you? Do they continue to make eye contact with you? In other words, do your eyes meet repeatedly? When they do make eye contact do they hold your gaze for several seconds? These are sure signs someone has noticed you and is interested.
Pupil Size: When you get close enough to someone to have a conversation, check out their pupils. Are they bigger? I am not talking about if you are in a poorly lit environment where everyone’s pupils have to be large in order to see. When people like what they see, their pupils increase in size and they tend to blink more. Dilated pupils are also a sign of sexual arousal.
Smiling: Does this person smile when they are talking to you? Smiling is a BIG signal. It reflects a whole range of positive emotions. If someone is smiling at you they are trying to send you the signal they are enjoying themselves and in the flirting world, smiling can go a long way to making someone feel comfortable and be open to being approached.
Personal Space: This is a biggie and one of the most important body language cues to look for and be aware of. If they enter your personal space, this is an excellent sign that they want to get closer to you. But beware and pay attention because if they enter your space too quickly, they’re more aggressive and you may not want to pursue it further.
Mirroring/Moving in Synch: Does the object of your attention change their body movements to compliment yours? Do they make the same sort of body movements? If so, they are trying to establish a comfort level and show their interest.
Face to Face: When someone is interested in you they face you when talking to you. They also position their body so their knees, legs, feet, and arms extend in the direction of the person they are interested in. Keep in mind if the opposite is happening, they turn away, cross their arms and exhibit very closed off body language. If this is what you are getting from the object of your affection, it is time to move on to someone else because they are trying to show you subtly they are not interested.
Attentive Listening: Is this person paying attention to what you are saying? Are they focusing on your conversation rather than looking around the room? Do they seem interested in what you are talking about? You can tell if someone is genuinely interested in what you are saying versus being fake and making small talk while looking for the escape hatch.
A word of caution: we all know flirting can be fun and exciting and lead to opportunities to interact with others. But one thing that is not mentioned enough when discussing this subject is that people need to exercise caution when getting to know new people. Meeting new people is great but we need to remember that every one has pure motives. So please exercise good judgment when giving out personal information such as phone numbers and addresses. If you click with someone you have been flirting with and you both decide you want to take it to the next level, start by getting an email address or cell phone number and meet in public for your first couple of dates. Until you get to know someone and feel comfortable be smart. If someone really likes and respects you they will be willing to take it at your pace.
Coming up next….gender specific flirting signals.
Tags: attraction, Flirting, IOI's, Signs
November 28th, 2009 at 2:00 am
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