Some may say the best things in life arent free…
This is the best advise i had in years…and it’s free
Allways a great pleasure to hear you speak, even graeter to finelly see you.
THANKS.

Hey Dan… another quality post and info we can use (as usual). This kind of stuff (podcast, seminar audios, vids etc.) separates you from the rest who just blog a bunch of generalities or vague comments hoping they can sell products or bootcamps. The ironic part is that when you post useful stuff you get more cred and probably end up getting more paid training anyway.

Hey Dan!

It was a pleasure being part of your film crew for this!

Hey Dan, I loved this post I hope you think about doing some more video shorts like this in the future. I’ve been a big fan of your podcasts but being able to see what you’re talking about is even better. Hopefully the upcoming Charisma Arts DVD will be similar in style. I hope you and the other instructors are all getting some face time as well.

Great video Dan! Everything you point out in your video is just how it should be. Being friendly and genuine almost always works perfectly. You have to be careful though that it doesn’t come off creepy. That’s hard to do however when you make things as simple as you say. It’s refreshing when a guy seems to be committed to the interaction with a warm vibe. This always stands out in a crowd.

-Alexandra

Thank you much. This short video was better and more helpful than 99% of the 6 hour community videos out there in terms of demonstration, content, and clarity. Thanks again!

Kit- I like this alot more, thanks for the info Dan keep em coming

Dynamite! Thanks a million.

Love it. Demonstration is worth 1,000 pictures.

Try : http://www.charismatips.com/?p=57 “The first three minutes”

Situational openers are great, i use them all the time. However in a bar just introducing myself works great too.

*** How to escalate ***
By Wayne Elise

Imagine if I walked up to you and gave you a gift, football
tickets, a nice leather wallet, or whatever you value. What
would you think? Would you take it? Yes probably, but chances
are you would be suspicious, ‘Why is Wayne, who I have never met,
giving me a gift?’

But now imagine that everyone you came across gave you a gift.

Besides becoming much more outgoing, you would probably become
blasé about the whole transaction. “Hi, nice to meet you. Blah,
blah, blah. Where’s my gift? What no ribbon? Go back and wrap
it properly.” You might just begin to take people who gave you
things for granted. Being rewarded for no effort on your part
would spoil you.

That is the reality for many attractive women. Men reward them
just because they look good. No effort required. As a technique
for getting women, this rarely pays off. Women get over the
delight of being fawned over by the boys for their looks by the
time they are thirteen. That type attention from men is no
longer a delight or even a novelty. A woman only feels a
momentary boost to her ego followed by a quick return to the
search for something more valuable.

Some men have discovered a ’solution’ to this problem. Their
game is simple. They refuse to show any attraction towards a
woman. Countless ‘revolutionary’ be successful with women
techniques are variations on this theme: Play hard to get, act
cocky, be distant and a woman will come begging for you. For a
man who has been giving his interest away too easily this can
feel empowering. No longer is he a suck-up!

But not all simple solutions are effective solutions.

You cannot escalate an interaction towards a sexual or romantic
conclusion without showing interest in a woman.

I will explain.

Attractive women will not throw themselves at a man. To do so
implies desperation and desperate women are the scorn of women
everywhere. Take the term ’slut’. When a woman calls another
woman a ’slut’ this does not imply she has many sexual partners.

‘The term ’slut’ is understood among women to imply a woman who
must throw herself at men for attention. She is acting
desperate. No woman wants to be thought as desperate.

Women will rarely take the lead and show interest in you first.
They don’t want to look like a desperate ’slut’. Therefore if
you refuse to show interest in women you will repeatedly find
yourself in situations that can be nice, can be fun, can even
lead to dates like the one I describe in my ebook where I used to
end up alone next to her in the dark but embarrasingly unable to
make anything happen. Neither of you are willing to take the
lead and push the interaction towards sexual flirting. (For more
on anti-desperatation see my blog here:

http://www.charismaarts.com/blog/Juggler/29 )

On the face of it, it seems you are doomed. Show interest and
lose value, don’t show interest and have nothing happen. But
wait, there is another concept that makes escalation possible.

*** Effort and reward ***

Imagine that you washed and polished my Vespa. And then I gave
you a gift. How would you feel? You would probably feel as if
you earned that gift. You would value the reward I paid you.

That is how we want our interactions with women to be. Effort
matched with appropriate reward is the basis of effective
escalation.

You want to show growing interest in a woman based on the effort
she makes in putting herself into the interaction. That is how
you escalate.

So what constitutes her effort? I define effort as her putting
her unique, individual self into the conversation. If you show
interest based on her individuality, that she has made an effort
to reveal, then she will value your interest. You can escalate
an interaction towards a sexual or romantic outcome.

Here are some examples both good and bad.

Her: “I teach second grade.”

You: “Wow, that is amazing. You are such a great person for
teaching kids. Can I take you home to meet my mother?”

Her: “Ack!” (As she is running away.)

That was TOO MUCH reward for the amount of individuality that she
revealed. There is a disconnect. She will feel that you could
not really possibly be appreciating her. She will feel that she
has not said anything to deserve your adulation. This makes her
uncomfortable and suspicious of your interest. Let’s try that
again.

Her: “I’m a school teacher. My favorite student is Kyle who has
six toes on each foot. I swear this is true. He has a sense of
humor. I don’t like the cry babies. I like the fun kids.”

You: “Cool. So what town do you live in?”

Her: “What does it matter? Hey I see some friends I need to talk
with, bye.”

Here we have the opposite problem. There was no reward for her
after she chose to reveal something interesting and specific to
herself. We blew by this and went for something unrelated.

Women have an instinct for the rules of escalation. She senses
that you will be unable to take the interaction anywhere
interesting. She gets bored and leaves.

Her: “I’m a school teacher.”

You: “Hey I thought about becoming a teacher before.”

Her: “Really?”

You: “Yeah. So tell me, how do you keep your kids in line?”

Her: “I just put a tone in my voice that I mean business.”

You: “Yeah, I am too easy going to be tough on the rug rats. Let
me see your serious, better-sit-down and shut-up face.”

She furrows her brow and tightens her lips.

You: “That is scary. Any woman who can be that scary is the
woman for me. I have got to get to know you better.”

Her: (laughing) “Sounds good.”

He: “Let’s go sit over at the couches so that we can be more
comfortable.”

This works much better. It is just the right amount of interest
based on the individuality that she revealed to you. Notice that
you are able to advance the interaction (In this case by moving
to a more intimate environment.) That is how you escalate.

Escalation has two components:

1. A reason you are choosing to escalate. This comes from
something that she has done or said to you. She must feel as if
she has done something to deserve your increased interest.

2. A clear statement of how you want to raise the stakes of the
interaction. “I want to get to know you better,” or “Let’s go
for coffee,” or “I find you sexy.”

Women believe any guy worth having takes work getting. On a
larger scale this is true for all people. Rarely do humans place
the correct intrinsic value on things. They value things
relative to how much they have to work to get them.

On a related note, check out this blog I wrote:

http://www.charismaarts.com/blog/Juggler/51

Also, in ‘How to Meet and Connect with Women’, I discuss the

difference between genuine interest and desperate interest. Have
you had a chance to check it out yet?

All the best,

Wayne “Juggler” Elise

I have never heard of such a opening, I MUST ATTEMPT IT!!

Joe please try to be more encouraging in future.
,
,
The fundamental thing is still the same. SOIing is easy, providing you have interesting questions (and your own answers to state) and you don’t let the conversation drag on to long.
,
Making a credible, non-desperate, personal-escalation in group from small talk is the tough bit. Fucking impossible in my head in fact.
,
‘What do you guys think the weather’s gonna do?
hbs: we dunno!
it’s just I came without a mack, cos’ I’m so vein, and now I’m thinking I’m gonna be soaked.
hb: ………
so what are you doing tonight?
hb: we’re getting druuuuuuuuunk….
I love the way you say that.
Hi I’m goose.
,
Yeah right.
No idea how to make it work, maybe murder myself and be re-born a super-brain like Juggler.
,
Make it real Dan, pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeease.

lmao this is the wierdest set of posts i have ever seen they have no relevance to the great video and that cracks me up LOL

Dan- I thought the relevance of Waynes post was in the beginning when talking about the giving “gifts” all in all though i would say it was all relevant

One note on push pull the way we do it. The ones you listed are more of negs than push pull. A change would be “Damn girl, that is one hell of a deathgrip. I have to say I like it though ” Ending on a pull is much more effective for me.

Joe, I understand your point now. However me being friendly when i go up to a girl and say hello is not giving her “a gift”. If I were to ONLY be that friendly when i talked to her and not her friends, then i see the relevance. Wayne’s article is all about “desperate interest”; which is when we show interest in a woman that has not done anything to deserve that interest except being hot.

I approach everyone in the bar with that same vibe and commitment, men and women. Although there are subtle differences with every situation and approach the idea is the same.

No, in the day time i would come off like a used car salesman doing that. That approach is only for environments that socialization is expected. Bars, parties, concerts, etc.

“One note on push pull the way we do it. The ones you listed are more of negs than push pull. A change would be “Damn girl, that is one hell of a deathgrip. I have to say I like it though ” Ending on a pull is much more effective for me.”

Hey Dan I like that, that’s fun!

However on the ch4 audio Juggler and Johnny are all pull-pushing, put her on a pedastal – kick it away. So I think it is you who just does it that way – because you are a sweetheart.

Keepin’ it real
g.

Yeah I understand that, my ‘negs’ (gee whizz thanks for that) can be done ‘from a place of love’, and of course that is imperative for a good reaction. In fact when a tease went wrong once, i.e. it was just sarcastic, that is a cover line I used.

‘Flirting is when you say something bad but mean something good’, right!

Having said that I thought your one kicked my arse, I’d written off your ideas on that as pandering to CA’s happy clappy Christians and the women here. But I look at yours, superior to all my three, and think ‘that’s artful’. So if I am going to can them, or postmously analyse a sarge, then I will ask ‘how can I make this push-PULL?’. In fact I’ll probably ask you.

You’ve changed the world. In a very very small way.

BTW I read MASF today and think Dimitri accused me of being a creep, although it seemed mixed with other people. That thought was horrible. At all times here I have been genuine, I have no agenda to ‘disprove’ anything, only improve, which is why I read your blog and seek your advice.

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