Great post as always. You bring up such interesting topics, you’re head must constantly be a hive of great ideas!

I agree totally about not trying to fix other peoples problems when all they want is emotional support, reassurance and their mood lifted. If only more guys did that, relationships would be so much more harmonious.

One thing I would add Dan (and this is me giving advice:) You must first create the desire for advice, before passing it on. This is the mistake everyone seems to makes in their arrogance. We assume people will just take us as an authority on the subject. But really we must first get them to see the problem.

You know the old saying: “Don’t give unsolicited advice; the wise don’t need it and the fools won’t heed it.” This itself is great advice. But sometimes you do want to give advice because you can see how it will make a big difference to their lives. I always think back to Socrates and how, by questioning and getting people to explore a problem themselves, they would arrive at the same conclusions as him and feel as if they had done so almost by themselves.

Remember the words of Lao-tzu:
“As for the best leaders, the people do not notice their existence. The next best, the people honor and praise. The next, the people fear; and the next, the people hate… When the best leader’s work is done the people say, ‘We did it ourselves!’”

To me this is how best to influence others opinions. When they feel ownership of the solution they are more likely to take the “advice” on board.

So the art of giving advice is really about questioning and getting them to think: First probing to get them to see a gap in their knowledge and understanding, and then questioning in order to improve understanding. It’s not as simple as merely dishing out the advice as you feel like it, but it’s alot more effective.

I’ve definitely been guilty of offering too much advice and frustrated when women don’t take it.

Advice is a useful thing, but its almost like sex. Don’t give in to the urge unless she’s really begging for it.

For you, I never got the vibe of you giving advice to feel empowerment. I think we all feel some sort of reward when giving advice. I mean you’re helping people. It feels great to help others but that being said, I’ve seen people who are just doing it for a pathetic ego boost. You’re not one of them!

I think your advice comes from a different place. It is genuine and you have experience as well. I learned a ton from hanging out with you here in Seattle in the last few months. At the same time, I did notice a little of giving advice by using your own preference thing but then I listened to some other gurus out there and the only thing they do is give advice using their own preferences.

On the very bright side, what I love about your advice is that you truly believe what you say. When you tell a guy that he is attractive, you totally look at his face and don’t even flinch or stutter. You don’t flinch and stutter because you truly believe in what you say and definitely care for people. That’s sexy Sorry, I had to throw it in there

SocialHitchHiker is the best