You do realize we are not all psychic right? When you are expressing feelings in conversation you can’t take for granted people understand how and why you felt that emotion. It is obvious to you, however we are still lost. Fill us in.
“Traveling to me feels so exciting I just love the experience of it.”
This is a start on the path to being more emotive in our conversations and building connection. However this still is an incomplete way of expressing your emotions. You must add the how and why you feel that way.
“Traveling to me feels so exciting[emotion]. I get so anxious sitting in that airplane seat as the plane leaves and I feel the pull of the take-off in as I am pressed into my seat by gravity [How=details as to what evoked the emotion]. I just know I am about to experience so may cool things and land in so many wild exciting situations it is almost overwhelming[Why=the actual reason why you feel that emotion].”
Expressing your emotions effectively is stating what you feel, how your experiences made you feel that way, and why you feel that way. The “How” portion of your statement should include the sensual details that evoke the emotion. The “Why” portion is why you feel the way you do and even what other emotions occurred.
Try these tips the next time you are in a conversation. They will greatly increase the effectiveness of being able to emotionally relate and be relateable.
August 21st, 2007 at 3:43 pm
Another 5 star post from Dan. You have blessed me with another valuable tip that I’ll be sure to use. You give so much and I wish I could give you more than just a thank you, but I truly thank you for everything you give. Once again, THANK YOU!
August 21st, 2007 at 4:39 pm
Thanks for great insight, just conversing with the word “why” in mind just shows how easy it can be to have great interactions, rather than enduring a series of tasks and instructions.
August 22nd, 2007 at 10:56 am
I was listening to your flirting podcast when I saw this recent post. Funny, cause part 1 is full of people trying to relate on emotions, and just saying you felt the emotion didn’t seem like it related much. This is a great and simple thing to remember when relating on emotions… “How and Why”.
You should link the podcast to this post
http://www.charismatips.com/?p=145
I remember doing this exercise during my bootcamp, and it’s just a completely different way to talk to people than I had been accustomed to… I was worried I would never get better at it, but eventually I started to get more comfortable with it as I started to listen closer to what others were actually trying to say when they speak.
August 22nd, 2007 at 11:31 am
I can’t say I understand this post completely. This kind of shows that your life experience revolve around your emotions, is that what it comes down to? I’ve been looking at it differently, not sure. My emotions revolve around my life. Whatever I experience – there is always an emotion that drove me to experience it. Then after a certain experience I feel something else as a result of it. Sort of like “before and after” emotions. Adding details makes explanations much clearer and let’s the person live through my story. I haven’t been that effective with this though, so maybe you’re trying to explain a better way of looking at it.
Thanks for the topic, being relatable and more emotional is the biggest thing I’m taking out of of all this. It has made a huge difference in my interactions whenever I was effective with this.
August 23rd, 2007 at 8:27 am
Sorry VB, this post is more of an extension on a larger idea of learning to make better conversations by expressing more emotion. Check out http://www.charismatips.com/?p=164 for more info on that idea in a podcast and http://www.charismatips.com/?p=108 for a post about it.
August 25th, 2007 at 3:23 am
Thanks Dan. I still find it hard to know what to say sometimes and i think this post will be a great help.