As I listened to the next part of his story I cringed empathetically; oh this is going to be interesting. He continued relating his story of utter humiliation to me, including skid marks and how she saw the offending underpants in all their putrid glory. I have to say this was one of the more embarrassing stories I’ve heard in quite some time. The worst part of it was that I wasn’t going to back down in making him open a conversation with a total stranger with THIS story.
I see him hesitantly approach and start the story. He makes the standard excuse most use when I bid them on this difficult mission, “My friend is daring me to tell this story.” However he continues to tell the story in a way that honestly can only be called endearing, at least if the content wasn’t about his accidental colon leakage. The most amazing thing is she actually laughs and cringes in empathy instead of revulsion. The conversation continued. In fact he got her number and even made it to a fun flirty conversation that lasted the remainder of the evening.
Making him go in and talk to a complete stranger, a woman at that, without anything but who he was at his most basic raw human flawed self was my goal. It is what I call a naked opener; simply put, a conversational opener that puts who we are out first. The effectiveness of this is dramatic. With all the games people play in meeting new people and dating, meeting a real genuine person who is honest and raw with whom they are is refreshing and attractive. Continuing on I will give you ten conversational openers that will allow you to open with your naked self.
Bar or social event openers
• “Hi, my name is ____________. What is yours?”
• “I haven’t met you yet. What’s your name?”
• “So I hear it is really hard for guys to approach a girl they are attracted to. I thought I’d try it out. Hmmmm [confident pause] guess it’s not so bad. “
• “You know there is something about you that made me come over and talk to you. I’d like to figure out what that is.”
• “So what is your group’s mission tonight? Ours is to avoid just talking to ourselves all night and meet some new people.”
These are openers to use in situations where socialization are implied, cocktail parties, at the bar, house parties, etc. Usually I follow them up with asking for their name or introducing myself
Daily life openers
• Talk as loudly and energetically as you can without yelling to a friend walking down the street and anyone beside you that looks at you include in your conversation.
• Ask for a recommendation while standing in line, and then give yours.
• “What’s your favorite one? Why that one?” standing next to someone browsing.
• “Ok, you’ve got the job. I just hired you as my ________ consultant and I need your help, this is what I’m looking for (or to do).” Use when shopping for clothes, food, a gift, etc and insert the word culinary, fashion, gift, etc into the blank. Keep the second part very general so they can easily help.
• “You look interesting, I had to come up and talk to you, but I’m shy [confident grin]. What’s your name_______?” [Credit Wayne Elise]
These daily life openers are better used when meeting people as you live your normal life walking around in an environment where socialization is not always implied.
The point of a conversational opener is to start a conversation; all of these and more work. These openers can also fail miserably. It is actually not the opener that matters it is the confident vibe that matters most. When a person sees you approach them, they have to immediately assess how much work it will be to have a conversation with you. If your energy is confident and you put yourself out there a bit, they can relax and not feel like the conversation will be on them to uphold.
These openers also let you be whom you are, your true naked personality portrayed. That confidence in being yourself supersedes any false confidence that comes from a memorized witty opener that has nothing to do with who you are.
