I sit across from her wondering what is in her head. I just wish she would give me a sign as to whether she likes me or not. She slowly moves her hand to her hair and brushes it from the front of her shoulder. Is that an indicator of interest; if so why is she facing her body away from me? I have to admit I get so confused even now trying to figure out women. A man’s brain is just not equipped to understand all the nuances and levels women communicate on. We know there is communication there; we just don’t know what it means.
I sometimes wonder what dating was like back in the early part of the century. It seems to me that there were so many rules and social guidelines back then that if nothing else, at least men and women knew how things should progress. In current times dating has become much more unencumbered by the social restrictions we once followed. The problem with this is that it creates ambiguity in what our roles are as men and women. More and more women are beginning to initiate in dating situations and showing their independence. Men on the other hand are learning to be much more in touch with feminine side and their way of dealing with women. The problem that I see is men are now losing their masculinity while trying to be appropriate in regards to women’s independence.
Regain your masculinity. The first way to do that is stop asking permission to want what you want and to pursue what you want. Leave room for taking a step backwards and understanding when you shouldn’t go further (once you’ve failed to push forward a few times). Be a man though! Stop waiting for PERMISSION to go forward. This applies to approaching, escalating, even in your own life and work. Admiral Grace Hopper said, “It is better to ask forgiveness than permission.”
When I look for an indicator of interest or if someone likes me in some way, I am entering the frame of mind that I am seeking permission for what I want. I try to step back at that moment and push forward regardless. This doesn’t apply to un-calibrated escalation. In the our method we give a framework of how you get from one point in the interaction to the next; none of it relies on signals from her though. The only signal that should matter when escalating an interaction is when someone is visibly and undeniably pulling back or exiting the interaction. Women will rarely tell you go ahead, but it is their responsibility to tell you when your advances are unwelcome.
Learn your role as a man, lead. Get out of the mindset of looking for a sign if you are on the right track. You are on the right track until you get your eviction notice. Sorry that’s just how we have to be, get used to it.
Tags: Dating
