In a previous article I wrote down an old approach to phone game. I have since modified my actual approach to this process and I have been having a bit more success with it.
Step 1 – Text her the night you meet her or the next day like this:
Hey Judy, it was fun meeting
you the other night. The
librarian thing is very sexy.
I’ll call you Sunday evening.
I remind her about something we talked about and may even SOI in text, then I tell her when I am going to call roughly. Sign your name if you didn’t get your name in her phone (a very important step).
Women hate wondering if you are going to call or not. If they like you waiting, two days or more will only make them like you less. Calling the next day is not needy. For a definition of a needy phone call watch the movie “Swingers”. You can avoid being needy by simply showing your interest when she earns it, not because you want something from her. By texting her when I’ll call her she now knows I’ll call and roughly when. If I am busy and can’t call for a few days it no longer makes her write me off.
The other rule is if at any time she texts back, call her right then. She will likely answer right then.
Step 2 – Call #1 (voicemail)
“Hey Judy, It’s Dan. Just wanted to give a quick call to see what your up to. We should grab coffee or a drink sometime soon. Give me a call back when you get a chance. If I don’t catch you I’ll give you a call later in the week.”
The “If I don’t catch you” is a very important part of that. The reason in the CA phone game that you tell her you will call her back at a certain time, is to not be left waiting for her phone call. If you ask her to call you back and she doesn’t, calling again is just a touch needy. The “If I don’t catch you” implies she might call and you will be busy. It also leaves it open that if she doesn’t get a chance to call you or gets busy she won’t be left with that uncomfortable feeling whether it has been too long to call you back now, you will call her.
Step 3 – Text #2-3
During the time you are waiting to call her again text her a couple times. I usually wait three or four days to call back and send one or two texts between that time. This helps remind her to call you back as well as contact you in a way that requires a little less commitment. I never ask questions I just make a statement. Likely she will text you back and then you can call right there.
I just made the most amazing omelet.
My days of burnt toast are over!
Or
Damn, it is way too sunny out. I’m going to make a break for it.
I just had the most amazing omelet; all omelets from here out will never be as good.
Step 4 – Call #2
At this point 3-4 days have passed since my first phone call. There has been a lot of opportunity for her to contact you back or to get in touch with her. This is usually my last phone call. However I am not above letting another week go by and trying one more time. Remember people do get busy, it has happened more than once that she called me back a week or so after this call.
I usually say something with a touch of finality but not in any way upset or provoking her.
“Hey Judy, wanted to give a quick call to say hello. I would love to grab a quick drink or a coffee sometime. Drop me a line back. If not I’ll catch you around sometime.”
Here I lay it on the line with what I want, I don’t beat around the bush and I also let her know if she doesn’t want to call me back I won’t likely make another effort. There are a lot of other ways to do this phone call depending on how you want to handle it, but I usually leave it up to her in the end and don’t invest any more effort. This phone message should be nonchalant though. If you have an undertone of you not expecting her to call, she won’t.
Tags: Charisma
June 24th, 2007 at 6:18 pm
Dan,
Just a quick question. Isn’t calling back right when she texts you sending a needy vibe? Like as soon as you know she’s near a phone you’re gonna trap her into answering it?
Sometimes people have time for a text, but not a call, but if as soon as they text, you’re calling, won’t that put them off?
I’m very much the student in this, so I’m not being critical, it just seems like something I would do when I used to be ’super-needy’ man.
-Craig, Boston
June 25th, 2007 at 8:46 am
Hey Dan – I like this much better than the other. Four calls seemed like way too much. I’ve been trying a subtle ultimatum on the second call as follows: “Hey Judy, thought I’d give it one more shot before I GIVE UP trying to reach you you [or, before I erase your number]. I enjoyed meeting you and would love to hangout sometime, BUT IF NOT, IT’S REALLY NO BIG DEAL.”
I thought the last line was important for seeming non-needy and making her feel safe that I’m not pressuring her, but now I’m not sure it conveys that.
I can’t say it’s ever lead to a turn around with a girl who’s flaking, but most of the time I at least get an apologetic phone call or text and she’s actually straight forward, which is gratifying. It forces her to treat me like a real human being.
But anyway, this is all just damage control when the pickup didn’t have her on the edge of her seat waiting for us to call.
June 25th, 2007 at 11:54 am
Works for me. Doing it once i don’t think will come off needy. I am not implying you should do it every time she texts back. Also if you texted a question like “how are you?” then called on her reply that might come off a bit needy. However your text is a statement, which is not necessarily requiring any type of response. If she answers then trying a quick call will be no big deal. If she doesn’t have time to answer then she will text you that she doesn’t. I usually text back: “No worries, just thought i’d give a quick call. Don’t work too hard!”
If she is texting you back she wants to talk to you.
——-
DH, that sounds a little defeatist. I agree there should be a bit of a finality on the phone that “implies” a bit of I’m not going to call you again, but i no longer suggest an ultimatum. I felt really stupid once when i did that and she then called me back and she was just out of town.
June 26th, 2007 at 1:52 pm
This post was great. I’m sure it’s gonna help me alot, thanks.
June 26th, 2007 at 2:58 pm
Good point, SHH. I see what you mean about the ultimatum. It does convey too much closure and probably a little bit of anger or spite which is unattractive. Thanks.
June 27th, 2007 at 12:46 pm
Hey Dan,
I totally dig Phone Game Version 3.7. The new and improved added-SOI in the text message is bad ass. Also proposing coffee gives more purpose to the messages than just leaving my name and when I’m going to call her next. I have one more omelet though, I’m gonna puke.
I am currently field testing this on a gal or two! I’ll let you know how it goes.
Elliott
June 28th, 2007 at 6:11 am
Believe it or not, before I heard about CA, women actually returned my phone calls sometimes.
Once I started leaving a message saying “I’ll call you Tuesday at 6″ that stopped cold. Then I had to make a note to call her at 6:10. Too much trouble! A girl once told me, “I was going to call you… but you said you’d call me.” and a couple of times IO forgot to call when I said I would. I like “If I don’t hear back from you, I’ll call you later in the week” A LOT better.
June 28th, 2007 at 10:59 am
SHH, I posted in an earlier entry, but not sure if you will read it there so am posting here, your thoughts/any help will be appreciated.
The problem I have, sometimes, more here at home, is a conversation is fine for a while, and I am genuninely interested in being entertained, but I can rapidly become try hard.
I run out of things to be interested in, and commit to much energy to the interaction stacking stories whilst getting little from her/them, but appreciation. So while my talk maybe, hopefully, somewhat entertaining, I’m losing value just from the sheer bulk of it I’m throwing out, but I’ve just run out of ways of getting something interesting from her/them.
Since she hasn’t said anything significant enough to justify going personal i.e. asking about childhood (which is the big endless rapport topic, it seems to me).
If you could reread this, until you have ideas for help.
I think it is a common experience for many men, conversation slowly becoming try hard as things I’m interested in are exhausted, with little return. I think it’s maybe easier one on one, where I can do things like pre-answering the question, and taking a personal interest (without needing her to DHV), but these things are weird to do in a group, where you have to include everyone really.
.
Actually I’ll make it specific, American girls on the plane, I know them from being lost together in some woods looking for caves. So I see there on the plane, airbourne I walk the aisle looking for them, get to the end without spotting them, decide I’m mistaken, bang, there they are. I say
‘I’m bored, come sit with me down there and tell me you’re adventures in Bled’.
They were 3, I only had seats for 2.
They ask me questions, I plough through stories, I get a little jerked off because they are praising my character a lot (not smiling and laughing as there supposed to God-damn-it). At one point, maybe my first question answer, I’m being expressive with my story and I notice my hand is shaking (from having my plan thwarted, and now being on show to the whole plane chatting girls), the hotter girl starts brushing her hair round this time, not sure if this was to reassure me, or genunine interest, but was good, because I had started to doubt my previous hours with them – had I achieved prizabaility or were they just nice?
So they’re ploughing their questions and compliments, and I’m storytelling but pretty much exhausted my positive material, and doing my best to make not-so-positive reality entertaining. But I’m getting nothing substanial from them, from the hot law student I want, who is hair brushing.
They are 3 so I can isolate one, but I have no reason, my questions, of genunine interest yeild little. I have nothing to hang an isolation on, so I end a story and they appreciate, and say goodbye and return to my seat. And think ‘well that sucks’. I sit with no one to talk to, they sit not saying anything, cos’ they’ve been talking to one another their whole trip. Lose lose.
There is more to the story at the airport, but its essentially the same, minus the girl I want since she’s in the toilet.
It just seems like this has slipped away, because I couldn’t get anything, enough, out of the girl to justify an isolation or at the airport a close (number or email). And they liked me, I had prizability, I just couldn’t do the isolation, or close since I had no reason, since I ran out of things to be interested in.
It sucks.
Solutions please.
Love you man, on you’re mighty moral pedastal an’ all.
x
G.
June 28th, 2007 at 3:21 pm
G, I read both. It sounds like your issues are complex. Not an easy answer. I really suggest doing some phone coaching. However it sounds like you aren’t DQ’ing, especially when they praise your character. Also it seems like things are pretty unbalanced, you do need to go personal really soon and ask more questions about them. It’s a balance issue. Isolation just happens when you talk to one at a time. If your SOI has that much resistance than there may be logistical things going on.
June 29th, 2007 at 10:06 am
However it sounds like you aren’t DQ’ing, especially when they praise your character.
Yeah. Actually something the less attractive more complimentary girl kept bringing up was how fast we walked back from the caves in order for them to catch their train, and, poor me, was wearing a rucksack (really I thought the speed was pretty slow, but I can’t say they’re unfit, or otherwise qualify my fitness).
.
My response of ‘I don’t mind’ was weak, better to have said ‘yeah, I was totally exhausted, you are cruel wicked women’.
It is true a teasing DQ would have been fun, and improved the interaction.
But on the other hand in this instance the wall was running out of things to be interested in. I wish I had at least just asked for isolation with her. It would be bad after their first refusal, but you cannot take an interest in someone personally while addressing a group, standing in an aircraft aisle.
.
I definitely need more things to take an interest in, whilst in group. The fucking boring man further down the plane, attempting to sarge a highly socialised Irish girl with his endless recount of the hostel-girl who was interested but lost interest when he tried to extract an SOI from her (do you like me? – he asked her – holy JEsus fuck).
.
HE had exactly the same problem as me (except he was also, IMO, a terrible bore), he had exhausted ways to take an interest, so just talked and talked and talked. It is common, we run out of ways to draw them out, and so become try hard. This is much more true at home, where I have less things to be interested in, natural traveller topics. And I’m back home!
.
Come on man, help us out, you can do it, just obsess for me.
March 20th, 2009 at 3:13 pm
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March 20th, 2009 at 3:23 pm
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September 2nd, 2009 at 6:46 am
I like the idea of the nonchalant, funny text: I just burnt the toast — something that puts no pressure on her, but lets her know you are thinking about her at the same time. I think if you follow these rules and had no response, then move on. You’ve given her adequate time and chances to express interest.
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