As I have been working on promoting my website sexpertkelly.com, I have come across literally thousands of websites devoted to making your sex life better. Sex tips, sex enhancements, give your partner mind blowing orgasms, last longer, anything and everything to make you the best lover ever.
But as I was checking out all these different sites I realized there was one important component missing in the discussion. Intimacy. Why is no one talking about intimacy when they are exploring how to improve their sex lives? It is not the act of sex that binds people together. It is intimacy.
When we share intimacy with someone we make the choice to be close and loving to them. But we also choose to be vulnerable. We open ourselves up and take risk. We risk our heart, our feelings, the private thoughts we confide in someone all in a relationship we don’t know will last. There is a cost to everything in life, every choice we make. Risking emotional pain and disappointment is the cost of having love and intimacy in our lives, of possibly really connecting with another.
It amazes me how many questions I get from people asking me how they can talk to their partner about their sex lives. While sexual communication is an important part of a healthy sex life, I am often surprised when people can get naked with someone, explore every part of their body but cannot or do not have the skills to talk to their partner about what is on their mind when it comes to sex. Being able to have those conversations also helps intimacy develop.
When people ask how they can give their partner multiple orgasms or improve their sexual technique or breathe new life into what they report is a dull, unsatisfying sex life, I can’t help but wonder if there is the underlying issue of lack of intimacy.
Having sex with someone is easy. Anyone can learn how to please someone physically. Having intimacy with someone is the real challenge.
January 20th, 2009 at 6:33 am
Two writers, one blog? o.O
January 20th, 2009 at 12:00 pm
That’s a great point. I think intimacy is what we are all ultimately looking for. But sometimes physical satisfaction is so much easier.
Casua’s last blog post..Bedroom Eyes (Seducer Eyes)
January 20th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
Yes, as many of you have seen we have had a recent addition to our blog. Sexpert Kelly is going to be a regular contributor. She brings a world of experience and knowledge about Human Sexuality. You can read more about here on her profile: http://www.charismacoaching.org/aboutus.php
and read her blog over at
http://www.sexpertkelly.com