The most destructive thought in a man’s head after he meets a girl is “She might be THE ONE.” Oh don’t laugh, I guarantee you have had that thought recently yourself. Sure it might mask itself as “Wow she is so hot! I’ve never been with a girl this hot and I don’t want to screw it up.” or maybe just “I met the most AMAZING woman last night!”
As men we are hardwired to chase and try to win the trophy. We don’t care that the gold color on the trophy is just painted plastic. The same applies to women. If they meet our initial qualifications, little will change our minds about whether we want to pursue them or not. We gave them an elevator up onto a pedestal and her approval is our medal and trophy that we will try for at all costs.
The problem is that the view of you from up there isn’t that attractive. Women are told so many times by our society that they do not fit the level of perfection they see in the movies and in magazines. When you come along and show such an intense interest she is so worried about being seen as who she is, flaws and all, once your fantasy of her is shattered she won’t even take a risk of that happening.
So what are we to do? Keep an eye out for her skeletons. Everyone has em. Remind yourself you don’t know her yet and she might end up being psycho of the year! Reel yourself back in, show more interest in her when she reveals things you like and don’t OVER compliment her when she is not giving you anything worth complimenting on.
I follow one simple rule. She gets no more and no less than any other girl I have dated that I was mediocre about. I have a particular woman in mind usually that I dated and did nice things for occasionally but in general didn’t go out of my way to try to impress. If I find myself going overboard and trying to impress her or acting too smitten, I reel it back. This doesn’t mean acting like an ass and not calling her back or not showing that you do want to see her, it is just a yardstick to avoid going overboard.
Good luck and keep her off your pedestal!
Tags: amazing woman, Dating, pedestal, perfect woman, Relationships, The One
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July 2nd, 2009 at 3:07 am
Ahhh the oneitus. It normally seems that women are the ones who go crazy in love – but it’s really the guys, as males are never properly taught to express themselves, and thus are more emotionally insecure when it comes to attraction.
Even more dangerous for guys: Most women have the luxury of time to become attracted; guys make their decisions in an instant – from her face and curves. Most guys suffer approach anxiety, as the “she’s the one” mentality occurs for *every* hot women they meet.
*Sigh*, if only us guys gave the women’s personalities a chance….
July 25th, 2009 at 5:18 pm
This doesn’t mean acting like an ass and not calling her back or not showing that you do want to see her….
#1´s last blog ..The Nature of Attraction