I feel that when talking to people the real art of conversation comes from knowing what is not said rather than what is explained. I am always seeking the interesting unique character trait in people. Sometimes I feel like I have to work as hard as a detective to uncover that in some people. Some people are mysterious and I have to delve deep to get them to reveal themselves. Conversely some people give a lot of information about themselves but it leaves me wondering where I can go deeper; is there more I can uncover?

The concept of intrigue is to arouse and pique someone’s interest. This is important in conversation. To be intriguing give just enough to hook someone but leave some things unexplained. This inspires curiosity and desire to know more.

“I once told a jungle shaman to put two cats in his mouth. I was quite embarrassed when I realized the word for drops, gotas is very similar to gatos, the word for cats.”

This is a personal experience that I had. When I tell this story I leave a lot out. I stick to the concept of funny mistakes in foreign language. I don’t elaborate on why I was in the jungle, what I was doing talking to a shaman, or what I was giving him to put drops in his mouth. These are all teasers to inspire curiosity. Rarely do I get to finish my statement before someone interrupts me, their curiosity getting the best of them.

We all have a tendency to over explain ourselves. Usually very little background information is needed to make the point of our statements and stories. We however like to explain every little detail. Telling someone about what happened at lunch doesn’t require you to explain what kind of job you have and why you take lunch at four pm. Instead you can leave out the facts of your story and focus on the rich personal experience created by explaining how you perceived the experience and felt during it all.

The art of being intriguing is about what is not said. Leave out factual details and insert teasers. The goal of conversation is not to inform someone all of the relevant information; conversation is about discovery, intrigue, and connection. Be intriguing!

I have to admit I’ve been that guy who doesn’t call after getting your number. It really wasn’t anything personal. There was nothing you did wrong; in fact likely it was my fault. We had a fun time talking. After a day or so I thought about calling, I honestly did, but I just wasn’t excited about it enough. In the moment we were having fun and I figured more of that in the future would be good so I should get your number. A day or two later all I really had in my mind about our connection was that we had fun. I’d probably have more fun calling up a buddy or maybe trying to meet someone that I had more of a connection with.

There are a lot of reasons why guys flake, from just getting the number because they wanted to see if they could, finding another woman they like more, to just being busy and it would feel weird to call since too much time has passed. It is going to happen to everyone, but there are some things you can do to try to minimize it.

One of the most important things I feel when I meet a woman I plan on calling is that I find something interesting about her. We have either a common interest, or I find that person intriguing. Our interaction went beyond flirting and fun and a deeper connection was made. In our workshops we spend a lot of time working with people to relate with anyone about anything. Forming that connection so he knows you two have things in common and leaving him with a feeling that you are interesting and intriguing is the main goal.

Having a good sense of who you are and answering questions in a way that reveals a bit more about you will go a long way. Also don’t forget to find out what is interesting about them. It is very attractive to us when someone takes an interest in who we are. Playing coy or mysterious is fine when we are trying to guess whether you are attracted to us. If you are trying too hard to be mysterious about who you are, physical attraction becomes one of the only motivating factor for us to call you.

Be interesting, be interested, and be intriguing. If you accomplish those goals when talking to a guy they will likely go home thinking when they should call you, not if.