1. Listen to that voice in your head saying “that sounds stupid, don’t say that!”

One of the most important steps to becoming that creepy guy that makes women so uncomfortable is to learn to censor what you say. Expressing what you think confidently is a guaranteed way to make people like you and feel comfortable around you. Your goal is of course the opposite so it is very important to censor yourself so that only the most emotionally devoid constructed ideas come out of our mouth. You have to give the impression that you are holding back. An even better tip is to be telling a story then end it quickly when you get even the slightest hint she may not be fully enjoying what you are saying.

2. Make sure to use conflicting body language

The number one way to come off creepier is to be sure to send mixed messages with your body language! Some of my favorites are:

Coming up close to a girl you want to talk to then not saying a thing till she talks to you.
Smiling while asking questions.
Keeping your expressions very neutral when giving compliments.
Facing her directly while inside her personal space.

Generally the more you can send conflicting messages the creepier it is for her. If your face is saying “I am not friendly, I am a cool intimidating guy”, while you are leaning over to touch too personally on the inside of her thigh because you are sitting too far away from her, that works perfect to creep her out!

3. Make sure you feign disinterest.

Nothing is creepier than a guy hanging around a girl he likes while trying to act like he doesn’t like her! It is really important to talk over your shoulder most of the time and act like you are in a rocking chair while sitting near her. If it seems like you might walk away any moment, especially when you are saying something important or she is, that will really get under her skin. Definitely make a wise crack about how you might not call her while getting her number!

4. Make forced facial expressions

Your face is the most efficient way to express non-verbal communication. Creeping people out is easy if you master this one! Either make no eye contact or hold it for uncomfortably long periods of times. Don’t ever make good solid eye contact with short look away breaks every 5-10 seconds, that will give her the impression you are confident and assertive!

Smiling when there is no reason to smile and not smiling in reaction to something you like is also a great way to confuse people about how you feel. It is probably best to just keep a calm CIA operative demeanor your entire conversation.

5. Inappropriate casual touch is the fastest way to make her skin crawl

The insides of peoples personal space are sure fire ways to creep someone out by touching. Inner arms, inner legs, stomach, the sexy parts, necks, faces. Touching these before you have established some romantic rapport with her is straight to the creepy zone. Stay away from casually touching the upper outside of the arm, that is the quickest way to make a complete stranger feel comfortable around you. Instead of lightly touching there with the back of your hand you should slowly slide your hand down that part (or any part) of her. Tapping or rubbing is the best way to turn any good casual touch to annoying or even getting you thrown out by the bouncer.

The art of being creepy is really not that hard. Avoid confidently expressing yourself, feel that insecurity making you act strange and even creating involuntary ticks and movements. Be careful about saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing and being ok with that. Confidently knowing you will make mistakes and not worrying about them will quickly erase all the creepiness from your vibe. I’ve seen the most creepy insecure guys literally turned into confident cassanovas overnight. All it took was some practice making mistakes and being ok with them.

Good luck on getting your Creepy On!

In general I feel we worry too much about our body language. Attempts to overtly correct it by thinking about the way we move and the way we stand often makes it worse because we become a caricature of ourselves. The insecurity in our body language wont be gone, it just gets perceived along with this stereotypical “alpha male” body language that many other companies teach.

The best way to develop good body language is to increase your confidence. When you stop caring what people think of you and you stop trying to be something other than you, that is when confidence will show through in your body language.

Despite this there are things we do that projects insecurity, neediness, or a strange vibe no matter how confident we are.

1. Eye contact

This is a big one. Insecurity is shown by not looking someone directly in the eyes while you are talking. If you spend the majority time speaking or listening while looking anywhere else that is a big red flag.

Conversely if you are holding sustained eye contact bordering on 3 seconds or more and it isn’t leading up to making out with her you are being too intense with your eye contact. I have met more guys who make this mistake “trying” to improve their eye contact than just about any other mistake. Make good eye contact, look away for just a brief second then return to their eyes.

2. The handshake

So much is perceived in a handshake. If you are shaking a woman’s hand in a weak way, it does not come off as gentle. Give a woman a firm handshake, it should be more firm than she is grasping yours but not in any way bone-crunching, save that for your buddies. Most men fall into being almost too gentle with their handshakes.

The distance you hands meet in relation to where you are is also a good indicator of your confidence. If you are bending over and stretching out your hand well past the halfway point you are demonstrating she has more value. If you are not extending your hand far enough to the middle you are demonstrating your insecurity and shyness. Approach, stand tall and extend your hand half way between you two. If there is another person to meet move your feet not just your hand to bridge the distance.

3. Posture

Everyone in the theatre, film, and television industry has known this for generations. The better your posture is the more confident you will appear. I regularly get surprised looks when I say my height, most assume I am much taller. Stand up straight and keep your shoulders back. If you have been going to the gym make sure you are stretching out your pectorals after lifting and working on the reverse fly to bring your shoulders back. A hunched forward weight lifter is not what you want to become.

4. Body Facing

The angle at which you are facing is an indicator of many things. Directly facing someone can be very intense, almost confrontational. I tend to generally meet someone head on then settle in to talking to them at about a ninety degree angle. If they are facing more toward you at times in the conversation when they are interested in what you say turn toward them more. If they are more relaxed or in a sitting position where they are facing out more at one hundred and eighty degrees (shoulder to shoulder) then mirror that a bit.

You don’t have to be a slave to this, but if the person is facing you and very into the conversation you shouldn’t be facing away from them and the opposite is true as well.

5. Being “Cool”

When I think of what is “Cool” I think of one of the guys at the bar sitting along the wall just hoping if they act cool enough someone might talk to them. Anyone I think is actually a cool guy is not trying to be cool, they are being warm and friendly.

If you take away all of the money and prestige who would you rather hang out with, Sean “Puff Daddy” Combs or Owen Wilson? Puff Daddy is quintessential cool, and I’m sure he’s a nice guy, but I would much rather hang out with a fun, humorous, warm guy like Owen Wilson any day of the week.

The cool factor comes from not needing any one woman’s attention. You are confident enough to get along with anyone and be a warm friendly guy without coming off being needy. So be warm, not “cool”. Leave the body rocking, over the shoulder introductions, and leaning away for the guys who are trying to conceal their insecurities.

Strong, confident, assertive body language comes from increasing your confidence. I have never seen a confident man have bad body language, yet I have seen a lot of guys coming off extremely creepy because of some advice they are trying to follow. These 5 basics will get you on the right track, the rest will take care of itself if you build the life you want to be living as a confident, involved, social man.икони

The biggest difference I have seen in the effect of arrogance thrown in with confidence really depends on the confidence of the woman you are pursuing. We always are attracted to someone more confident than we are. If the women you set your sights on tend to be insecure, the translation of arrogance is often not that different from confidence. The more confident the women you set your sights on, the more easily they will see the insecurity or self delusion of arrogance in your words and actions.

I see it often in my clients that have been using some of the dating advice out there that advocates a “cocky” approach. In an effort to seem more confident they act like the arrogant assholes they had always previously despised. The false confidence comes off as insecurity shielded by arrogance.

The most confident men I have known also happened to be good with women. The two go hand in hand; the interesting thing is that what shows the most confidence is the ability to be ok with our own weakness. Arrogant men try not to show any flaws and flout their positive attributes. Confident men have no problem expressing that they are not perfect yet show no insecurity either.

The key in doing that is when you express a weakness of yours to do it in a confident tone of voice. Communicate through your tone and body language that you are not ashamed of your weakness and you see the positive side of it, or at least see the light at the end of the tunnel. End it on a positive note and don’t be self deprecating. Doing this shows more confidence than any cocky line or attitude.

Also check out an old podcast I did when I worked for Charisma Arts that talks all about how to use a technique called Disqualification to express your weaknesses in a confident way.

On road to true confidence you are bound to make the mistake of being too overtly confident. Even that take it in stride and admit “maybe I’m trying to seem a bit more confident than I am, but you didn’t hear that from me ”

One of the confidence cues I have recently been noticing a lot is where people look. While no one glance tells the whole story I noticed that when I exchange glances with someone or am even in a conversation with someone the act of looking straight down creates an almost unconscious evaluation of them in my head.

What interests me is what this act of looking down means. When I meet another man’s eyes there is a subtle, unconscious, dominance play that happens. Whoever looks away first is often the less confident. If he holds my gaze then I have to smile and nod otherwise it could be interpreted as aggressive. If at any time he or I looks down in this exchange rather than to the side, an unconscious statement of dominance becomes apparent. With women a similar thing happens.

When a man and a woman meet it isn’t so bad if a woman looks down at first. In fact it can even be attractive if she is looking at him and when he meets her gaze she looks down and back at him. A more confident woman looking to the side doesn’t betray her interest in him. A woman who looks down shows a bit of vulnerability, which is attractive to most men. However if she is consistently looking down it goes beyond vulnerability and slight submissiveness to insecurity. For men, looking down may be a good thing when the conversation turns to a more personal level but at the early stages of meeting and initiating a conversation, looking down just shows insecurity.

Neuro-Linguistic Programming eye accessing cues show us that where we look when thinking often means something. Looking down is accessing either internal mental dialog or our internal feelings. In the first stages of an interaction either shows a lack of confidence because likely that internal dialogue or emotions are insecurities going through someone’s mind. Due to male and female roles it is ok for a woman to be a bit submissive up front, even doing so can encourage a man to approach, however with either sex confidence is king. The more confident a person is the more attractive they are. Looking down shows someone is in their head or feeling something.

Imagine in your head someone who is insecure and not showing confidence. I envision a person with their shoulders slightly shrugged and forward, shifting and fidgeting and looking down at their feet. A confident person stands tall with their shoulders back and looks people in the eyes, rarely looking down.

Try walking around in public and see when you are naturally looking down after exchanging glances. Notice when you catch someone’s eyes that you find attractive and what you do. I find this to be a great indicator of my outward confidence and if I start being conscious of it my confidence level grows. Much like forcing myself to smile when I am down cheers me up, avoiding looking down helps me feel more confident.