My method of teaching people how to create attraction is all about establishing connection so strong she says “wow I feel like you really get me!” That is really important on both sides. She needs to reveal herself to you and you have to reveal yourself to her. Throw in some confidence, appreciation, flirting and escalation and you have the roadmap to some really intense attraction.

The challenge I have found is that sometimes it is hard to elicit emotions, character traits, and deeper emotional connection in every situation. People fall back into comfortable light conversation very quickly. Sometimes such as in a bar or nightclub you don’t want to spend the entire night in deep conversation, nor should you. The conversation doesn’t have to bee that deep but you do need to elicit emotions and character traits if you want to establish that emotional connection.

One of the easiest ways I have found to inspire someone to reveal more emotions and character traits is with a simple followup question:

“What inspired you to get into that? “What inspired you to try that?”

This reveals so many underlying thoughts and emotions that it sets the stage for you to very easily relate to her. Often it reveals her character traits that set you up for a very effective statement of appreciation. викСувенириикониикониПравославни иконииконопис

I know when I first started to uncover the secrets to better conversation with women the number one thing that was screwing me up was this simple mistake.

Me: Where are you from?

Her: I’m from San Diego

Me: Cool, so your from San Diego. What brought you up here?

Her: I got a job in advertising up here.

Me: So your in advertising huh?

Notice the problem? Notice the problem? It’s as bad as a TV sitcom repeat playing over and over. Stop repeating what she says, she was the one who said it, she knows what she just said.

I did this because I was filling space. It is a lot more comfortable to let my mouth run on autopilot and repeat the last thing she said then be confident in a pause to collect my next thought. T

The problem is that by repeating what she just said you aren’t fooling anyone. She can see that you are just filling space and time and it will make it seem like you are more nervous

The most helpful thing for me to get me rolling when I enter a bar or somewhere alone is to get into conversation really quickly. Standing around only erodes my confidence and I end up usually going home with my tail between my legs. Being a social guy means I am not just talking to the cute girls but that I talk to anyone. Women notice who you have been talking to in an evening and it is important to be social with everyone. Approaching a couple guys I find is the easiest way to get me in the zone and even help pick me up if i just got rejected by a girl.

Approaching guys is not the same as going up to a woman. I like to act casual and wander up as if I was not directly planning on coming straight up to them. Don’t do the creepy sneak over, just be casual. My no-fail opener is always:

“Hey, how’s your luck with the ladies tonight?”

It never fails. Guys love to talk about women as much as women like to talk about sleep over pillow fights in their lingerie. (Don’t even think about breaking my fantasy about what women really talk about in a comment on this post!)

I usually choose the guys in the corner, the wallflower guys. These guys are trying so hard to look cool and hope someone comes over to talk to them they are usually a great start. From there I usually feel more confident and will go approach a woman using them as my hub. You know they’ll still be standing there when you are done. If you get rejected then you can go back and laugh about it with them. If you are successful get a few girls you just met to come over and meet them, or invite the guys to come meet the girls. You will look good no matter how socially awkward the guys are because you are making introductions. That makes you more friendly and outgoing than anyone in that bar. That leaves an impression!

So don’t ignore the guys next time you go out to meet women. Strike up a conversation with my never fail opener: “Hey, how’s your luck with the ladies tonight?”

Check out this video to hone this power of listening for good rather than evil:

The secret to answering this question (or any personal question really) is to understand how what you do relates to the person you are talking to. The facts of anyone’s job are pretty boring. A test pilot talking about his 141 point check before flight is going to bore someone to death. It doesn’t matter what you do; if you help someone understand more of the “why” you enjoy it, or explain it in a way they can understand and relate to, it will be interesting to them.

Technique #1 – The Job Effect

Start thinking about how your job relates to her life. In what way does what you do affect her world?

Job: Internet Security Specialist
Effect: Prevents Identity Theft

Her: What do you do?
Me: I battle the evildoers out there that are looking to buy pink Cadillacs with your money.
Her: How do you do that?
Me: I figure out ways to beat hackers at their own game so they don’t steal your identity.
Her: Oh! You are like an internet super hero! That is cool.

Job: Ball Bearing Sales
Effect: Without Bearings Wheels wouldn’t work

Her: What do you do?
Me: Without the product that I sell we would go back to the stone age.
Her: What do you sell?
Me: It’s not the wheel, but I make wheels go faster.
Her: You sell tires? Maybe rims?
Me: Even more important, I sell the ball bearings that are in every wheel on the planet. Just don’t tell my competitors, they may tell you I’m exaggerating just a bit.

Don’t play it out too long or she just won’t care but make it a bit interesting by making her ask a bit more about it. Even something as boring as ball bearings can be made into something interesting. The point is not to try to impress her; it is just to make it so she can relate to the job a bit.

Technique #2 – Why I like what I do
Don’t explain the facts, just tell them about why you enjoy what you do

Job: Accountant

Her: What do you do?
Me: I’m an accountant. The thing I love about my job is that I can make everything make sense. I get to solve problems that I know always have an answer. It’s not always the answer that my clients want to hear but they can never argue with me either. Overall it’s nice because I know that I am doing the best to help people be more effective in their financial lives.

Job: Medical Research

Her: What do you do?
Me: I’m in medical research. I get to spend my time figuring out the secrets to eternal life, ok maybe just a better more healthy life. It is the puzzle that I know no one has ever answered that really keeps me excited about my work. I get to explore the mysteries of what makes us alive and how that happens.

We may love what we do and get excited about it, but we often think others might not see it the same way. When we think about our job, the boring parts are what come to mind first. Instead of explaining your job as a whole including those boring parts, just focus on the positives and what you like about it or why you do it.

Your job doesn’t define you but your attitude towards it can. Be someone who can express their personality even when talking about something you might find boring. Find a way to share in a relatable interesting way and you will stand out from everyone else.

There are two types of situations you should be aware of before starting a conversation, implied social situations and public situations. In implied social situations such as a crowded bar, a party, or other group gatherings you don’t need an opener. People are there to be social and they are aware of the possibility of someone new coming to talk to them. If women weren’t at least open to the possibility of meeting and being approached by someone new they would go to somewhere quieter with less people. In these situations simply approach with a warm confident vibe and introduce yourself. After that ask an open ended question and relate to what she says or answer your own question to keep the conversation going.

In public situations people are in their own heads. Having a stranger talk to them is not that uncommon, however most people avoid those with an agenda. There are lots of people who might talk to you in public. Solicitors, panhandlers, volunteer activists, lost tourists, and even someone asking the time. We avoid conversation with people that have strong agendas like someone trying to sell you something. However it is normal if a casual conversation with a stranger occurs spontaneously. Going up to introduce yourself here would not work because of the obvious agenda to hit on her. This is where a focus opener or a presumption would be used. On a side note for ladies, you can use a focus opener or presumption to start a conversation with a guy in both situations and you won’t come off being too forward.

Focus Opener

The idea behind a focus opener is to start a conversation in a way that is casual and doesn’t have an apparent agenda. Conversations spring up between strangers in public all the time, it is usually started with a question or a comment about the situation at hand. The secret to coming up with a good conversation starter is to understand what the other person is focused on and then ask them an open-ended question about it.

Situation: Bookstore
Focus: Finding a book
Focus Opener: “You look like a well read person, what’s a good book you could recommend?”

Situation: Cooking Store
Focus: Thinking about cooking and cookware
Focus Opener: “What’s on your list of must have cookware?

Situation: Coffee Shop Line
Focus: Thinking about what to order
Focus Opener: “I think it is time for me to try something different, what are you ordering?”

Situation: Art Gallery
Focus: Thinking about a particular painting
Focus Opener: “What’s your take on this one?”

Presumption Opener

This is one of my favorite openers because it is a casual opener that jumps you right into a personal conversation. With a focus opener you have to transition from a platonic conversation about whatever you started with to a more personal conversation about who she is.

A presumption is an open-ended question that presumes something about her.

Situation: Bookstore
Focus: Looking at classic literature
Presumption: She is in university
Opener: “What University do you go to?”

Situation: Art supplies store
Focus: Buying art supplies
Presumption: She is an artist
Opener: “Where is your gallery?”

Situation: History Museum
Focus: Looking intently at an exhibit on military history
Presumption: She is in the military (Falsely to be funny)
Opener: “What war did you serve in?”

Presumptions have a really powerful ability to get you into conversation whether the presumption is correct or not. In fact it is often better to have a wrong presumption. Either you can make it humorous like the last example or they will feel like they have to correct you and explain. In general people don’t want someone to have an incorrect notion about them and will feel compelled to correct it. For us that is a good thing because whoever we are trying to engage in conversation will say more for us to relate to.
The conversation almost starts itself if they are telling me, “I actually don’t have a gallery. I’ve just been painting since high school because I enjoy it.”

The most important thing about starting a new conversation is to ask open-ended questions and answer the question yourself if you get a very short response. If you ask closed ended questions like “Is that a good book?” She may just say “I don’t know”, hand you the book, and walk away. If you do ask a good question and get a very short answer then answer your own question and go back to her with a smaller question.

Me: You look like a well read person, what’s a good book you could recommend?
Her: I don’t know…
Me: Well I’ll give you my quick recommendation then. One of my personal favorites is Life of Pi. I just loved picturing myself in the lifeboat with the tiger imagining if I could outwit him each day just like the main character did. So what is one good book you’ve read recently?
Her: Well the one I read recently was…….

Approaching and starting a conversation with woman can be very nerve-wracking. You will never know exactly what to say in every situation. Remember it is often not about what you say, but how you handle yourself if you say the wrong thing. Just keep going confidently and don’t let it get to you if you stumble over your words. Use the techniques we went over and you will be starting conversations with new women left and right. The first step to better dating success is meeting more women. Get out there and enjoy the adventure of approaching and meeting more women!

I remember when a girl asked me how is Bio-Diesel made when I told her I use it in my car. I think I went on for close to fifteen minutes explaining from start to finish the process from turning vegetable oil into Bio-Diesel. She finally stopped me and teased me pretty hard for it. Your date may not find it as endearing.

2 ) Being Condescending

Just because we know a lot about a lot of things never gives us the right to make someone feel stupid. Sometimes simply just taking a moment to ask “How familiar are you with it?” before explaining it as if they were five years old will allow you to save face.

3 ) Know-it-all/always being right

It is hard being smarter than everyone around us (at least we think we are). As soon as I learned to try to see someone else’s point of view fully before explaining my opinion it was a lot more comfortable to be around me. Try to see someone else’s side of things first and relate to it.

4 ) Fashion – Tennis shoes all the time

If you are the guy who wears white tennis shoes in every situation, it is time to go shopping. Buy yourself some nicer shoes for work or casual social events. You don’t have to go crazy but even some more trendy sneakers will go a long way. Sketchers make lots of inexpensive shoes that are as comfortable as tennis shoes but are a little bit more fashionable. You could even branch out and try some more fashionable going out shoes or boots. Just make sure they aren’t too out there if that is not your personality. Women do notice shoes.

5 ) Fashion – Wearing clothes that don’t fit

It is time to stop dressing like the clothes were hand-me-downs. Oversize shirts do not hide your gut or your lack of biceps. The shoulder seam of your shirts should be within an inch of the corner of your shoulder, not down on your arm. Pants should not be baggy; while they shouldn’t be skin tight they should fit well without being too constrictive. Ask a sales woman to help you find sizes that fit and try going too small and too big to understand what the right fit is.

6 ) Fashion – Out of date clothes

Wearing a t-shirt or sweatshirt that was your parting gift from high school is not a statement of loyalty; it’s a statement that you are too lazy to buy new clothes once in a while. Retire your clothes if they are out of date. I usually try to not wear clothes longer than one to two years and sometimes three if I don’t wear them that often. Subtle changes over a few years actually show up and while people may not point it out, it makes you look dated.

7 ) Texting or emailing while talking

I have a bad habit of surfing the web when talking to friends and even women. If you are having a conversation, put down the game, the phone, the email, etc. Pay attention and be in the conversation

8 ) Being defensive when teased

Roll with the punches. Learn a bit of Disqualification and stop defending yourself, they are only teasing.

9 ) Asking for feedback on a date

This is a big one. Don’t ever ask how you are doing on a date. Don’t ask whether she likes you or not or if she is having fun. Nothing shows more insecurity then checking in frequently on a date. Have fun and enjoy your time together. If she is not into you, or not having fun, that is her responsibility to end the date or tell you. It only makes it awkward for you to ask. If she says no, what are you going to do about it? Getting to the second date will tell you more than any answer she gives you.

10 ) Self Deprecating

Comedians are great at self deprecating humor. Leave it for them to do or learn to use Disqualification. While you shouldn’t be bragging, conversely don’t put yourself down. It shows a lot of insecurity. I mean honestly when a woman tells me she is fat, I almost want to smack her. It is like fishing for a compliment, I don’t want to pander to her insecurities. You shouldn’t make women feel that way either by putting yourself down.

Welcome to the future! For a low price of three thousand payments of $19.95 you can know everything about a person instantly. Simply trade our patented flash drive with any person you meet, insert in the port in the back of your head and have instant knowledge of really who someone is. We even have an online version!

Silly idea I know, but efficient. It takes time to get to know someone and evaluate if you connect with him or her. What if we lived in a world where that was easier and you could get to know people quicker and people could get know you quicker? Welcome to my mission.

When I started out on my path to being better with people and improve my dating life I realized what I needed one night. I was over at a friend’s apartment and there were a couple beautiful women there that were her friends. We only dropped by for about ten minutes. I started a conversation with one of them and almost before we began, it was time to leave. I remember saying goodbye with the sense of lost opportunity when I shut the door behind me. I knew then that if I had only had more time to get to know her and let her see who I really was that we would have hit it off. I now realize it was not more time I needed, but instead to be more efficient in expressing who I was in an attractive way and getting her to open up and reveal herself more.

When I see in someone’s eyes that spark of understanding of who I am, it is incredibly rewarding. I see them understand me and want to share how they are like me as well. That moment comes when I am able to relate to them and be relatable myself. The technique that I use the most to do that is something called “One Moment In Time”.

People don’t relate to the facts. What makes us intriguing and exciting to get to know us is not the travel itinerary, it is the experience in the little jungle hut near the river the moment an enormous iridescent blue butterfly flew by. What we were thinking and experiencing at that moment is what makes us unique from every person who has had the same thing happen. Relating one moment in time to support whatever we are talking about and sharing how we felt and why is what people will relate to.

Take an example from just a few paragraphs up. The moment in time was when I had the experience of talking to the woman and feeling like it was a missed opportunity. If I just told you that “I felt like if I could just get people to spend a bit more time getting to know me then I could be more successful with people”, that alone isn’t as powerful including a moment in time. That moment in time answers a very important question, “Why?” To be more relatable I have to not only share what I was feeling or experience, but also use examples (One Moment In Time) that helps people understand why I was experiencing that or feeling that way. It also helps if we are relating to them so that they can understand why we understand them. Just relating that we felt that way once is just lip service, unless we can explain how.

Getting to know who you are is not about relating enough in a shorter time, instead it is that One Moment In Time that tells more than volumes of facts about you. Try adding more specific examples of why in your statements and you will see people’s reactions change. Your conversations will be more interesting and rewarding; not only as people get to know you better but people also take your lead and start telling you more about themselves in the same way.