Our society is very hard on women openly expressing their attraction and sexuality towards men. We admonish women who are promiscuous with the term “slut”. Men even call a woman a slut, often as a reaction to being rejected. The societal roles of women’s sexuality is so confusing for both men and women. Women will often act like they don’t enjoy a man’s advances only to end up in bed with him that very night.

As a boy growing up raised by a single mother I learned to respect women, almost excessively so. I was the quintessential nice guy. I unfavorably Judged men who I saw overtly hit on women and were sexual and brash. I heard my female friends complain about these men yet wind up with them every time. In my own dealings with women the moment a woman made any indication of resistance I backed off out of my own idea of what was being respectful. An implication of another relationship, a joke about me hitting on her, to a flirty statement that I misinterpreted, all would freeze me in place. I would not pursue her in my self-righteous attempt to be respectful unlike all the other guys out there (who were way more successful than I). Basically I was just afraid and inexperienced.

Guys, we are our own worse enemies. Start with confidence and go after what you want. If you want a relationship with a girl, that does not exclude being flirtatious and sexual with her. In fact if you are not creating the sexual tension, moving toward the kiss, the caress, sex, you are going to end up in the friend zone. I am not talking all in one night, but if there is not a steady noticible progression to becoming more physical with a woman, most will assume you only want to be friends. If they don’t assume that, then they will realize you are just not assertive and confident enough to be attracted to in that way.

You need to move thing forward to the point where she is saying no or being a bit resistant. This should be a gradual thing as I teach in my Dating Decoded – Audio Workshop. The point is a bit of resistance is a good thing. She is going to do this so you won’t think she is a slut. This is the point to realize these “NO’s” really mean “Not Yet”. That “not yet” may end up being a cold day in hell before it happens, but you need to keep moving forward. Hit resistance, take a step back a bit, but then proceed again in a bit.

Women don’t respond to logical reasoning why you should move the relationship forward. They don’t respond to begging, they don’t want to talk about why or why not kissing should be happening now, you just have to assertively try again even if there has been resistance. Take a step back and then move forward again later.

Don’t give up, No means Not Yet!

Not everyone gets flirting. It is a special playful rapport that is like a tennis game. If you don’t return the ball the game is over. In my efforts to learn flirting I stumbled a lot and either was too forward or too oblivious to see when it was hit my way. I also know plenty of women who are just as bad. I recall one woman who I was joking around and gave her a very small playful hip bump (physical flirtation). She takes her one misstep and completely ignores it and continues the conversation. A classic example of letting the ball go by.

Flirting is all about lobbing a few tennis balls over the net until you get a return. If the person you are flirting with doesn’t return any of them you are going to have to take another approach. In fact in the method that I teach there are plenty of ways to move forward and be successful without being a good flirt. I should know I had to learn something that worked even while not being a good flirt. When you do get someone willing to flirt back with you it is an exciting fun way to amp up the sexual tension.

The first step in good flirting is to start with some small innuendo and see if they pick up on it and run with it.

Me: Well I can see why it might be difficult to explain, I’m sure they got a bit distracted talking to you.
Her: Oh really, then why is it you aren’t having any trouble?
Me: I had to fortify my defenses against your feminine charm before I came out.
Her: Oh, and how are they holding up?
Me: Well if you keep looking at me that way, I’m doomed.
Her: Well in that case. –she stares deeply in to my eyes-
Me: You win; I guess I’m just going to have to kiss you now.

Notice it started off very subtle and each time she went with it, I intensified it strongly. You know you have succeeded when she blushes, all of a sudden turns shy, or playfully hits you.

Her: I’m kicking myself now for it.
Me: Careful those sexy legs are dangerous!
Her: Nah, they are just for show.
Me: Good cause I am enjoying the show. -sly grin-
Her: -hits me in the arm playfully-

Flirting will naturally escalate to a certain point and is a great way to move things forward. If she keeps returning your flirtation, you keep going with it. If she stops by playing shy, blushing, or hits you playfully, that is a sign to stop that line of flirting for a moment and go back to normal conversation and start again with more subtle flirting. The game is simple. You throw a few flirtatious comments out until one gets accepted and returned (even if it is just an acknowledgement and a willingness for another to come) and then you make the next one a little more obvious and direct. Each time you get a return flirt you keep intensifying it until she stops returning the flirt or the flirting is diffused by her acting shy or she does the playful arm hit and or says something like “You’re bad!”

Flirting takes practice, and you are going to have to be ok with making mistakes. Sometimes you won’t get any of your flirting returned and sometimes you might come off a little too forward. That is where learning sexual barriers will come in because they will give you surefire techniques to save yourself if you were too forward. Sexual barriers work even when your with someone who is not very flirty. For a good discussion of Sexual barriers check out Sexual Escalation – Audio

Good luck on your flirting adventures and remember to have fun and don’t take anything too seriously. Get your flirt on!