I feel that when talking to people the real art of conversation comes from knowing what is not said rather than what is explained. I am always seeking the interesting unique character trait in people. Sometimes I feel like I have to work as hard as a detective to uncover that in some people. Some people are mysterious and I have to delve deep to get them to reveal themselves. Conversely some people give a lot of information about themselves but it leaves me wondering where I can go deeper; is there more I can uncover?

The concept of intrigue is to arouse and pique someone’s interest. This is important in conversation. To be intriguing give just enough to hook someone but leave some things unexplained. This inspires curiosity and desire to know more.

“I once told a jungle shaman to put two cats in his mouth. I was quite embarrassed when I realized the word for drops, gotas is very similar to gatos, the word for cats.”

This is a personal experience that I had. When I tell this story I leave a lot out. I stick to the concept of funny mistakes in foreign language. I don’t elaborate on why I was in the jungle, what I was doing talking to a shaman, or what I was giving him to put drops in his mouth. These are all teasers to inspire curiosity. Rarely do I get to finish my statement before someone interrupts me, their curiosity getting the best of them.

We all have a tendency to over explain ourselves. Usually very little background information is needed to make the point of our statements and stories. We however like to explain every little detail. Telling someone about what happened at lunch doesn’t require you to explain what kind of job you have and why you take lunch at four pm. Instead you can leave out the facts of your story and focus on the rich personal experience created by explaining how you perceived the experience and felt during it all.

The art of being intriguing is about what is not said. Leave out factual details and insert teasers. The goal of conversation is not to inform someone all of the relevant information; conversation is about discovery, intrigue, and connection. Be intriguing!