Twenty unanswered emails later I cancel my membership and go back to what I knew best, meeting people in person. I admit defeat. Whatever skill and knowledge I possessed that has allowed me to successfully teach and be successful in my life obviously didn’t translate online. Then I started getting lazy with going out and even in my daily life I started to realize I wasn’t meeting people due to laziness. Well it doesn’t get much easier than sitting on the computer and picking people I like based on a superficial survey of images, and if they are lucky a scan of a profile. So back I go, this time I vow to figure out how to do this and be successful.

Through a lot of trial and error I did becoming more successful. I learned some good lessons along the way and realized that the magnitude of apparent choice is the downfall of online dating. I have never thought of dating as a numbers game. I do feel that meeting someone I want to be in a relationship takes time and I have to sort through people before I find someone like that. However my experience is that with the majority of people I meet I don’t find that getting a date is that difficult. The skills I have developed in charismatic communication and teach to others serve me well.

In real life situations, the number of people in the environment limits you. Online the number of people on there is almost limitless. You get the “Next” mentality very quickly. So do the people you are emailing or are emailing you. To stand out from the crowd is a bit tricky. Also realize that the smallest thing will cause someone to say “Next” and pass right by you. Online dating even for the most successful of the people who I know who do it still is a numbers game. Men, you won’t get as many replies as you would hope for, women you won’t get as many quality guys emailing you as you would like. The feeling that there is someone better right around the corner plagues many of the online serial daters. However that being said I have never had so many dates in a week than when I was online dating. That is a fun and empowering feeling that I think everyone should experience.

The real lesson I took away from online dating is that it is often the person you least expect that gets you the most excited about when you meet them. A woman I am dating now from online was completely outside my search parameters. She actually contacted me and I gave her a shot. The same really holds true in any dating situation; give people a chance. Start a conversation with someone you don’t think you would normally get along with and it might just surprise you who you meet. The allure of choice is wonderful but don’t let it make you lazy about seeing what is actually there rather than writing people off before you know them.

Stay tuned for Part II of my Online Dating post: How to get more dates; successful online dating.