This is an interesting question. I have seen this a few times from women in my own experience as well as with clients.

Honestly that is my question, why did she answer the phone if she doesn’t want to commit to a date?

Answer 1:

I don’t bother trying to figure out what women are thinking. I try to do it all the time but I find that my success rate is always better when I don’t.

Here is what I do:

Me: So why don’t we grab a drink on thursday night.
Her: Ya, thursday doesn’t work for me.

Me: No worries, how about sunday evening?
Her: Actually I can’t do it then either.

Me: Ok your turn, you choose a day

Put the ball back in her court. Be assertive by picking times without doing the whole “when are you free” game.

If she still doesn’t commit to a time be ready to walk away. Not in a rude way, just confident that you aren’t going to play the game. If she answered the phone she likely wants to go out with you. There could be lots of reasons why she is hesitating, from thinking she wants to get to know you over the phone first, that she is also kind of dating someone else, to just wanting the attention without committing to it. It really doesn’t matter what her reasons are, your action is the same. Put it on the line.

Me: Well, then I guess you will just have to call me the next time your free. It was cool meeting you if I don’t catch you maybe we’ll bump into each other again soon.

This is very polite, not defensive or overtly distancing yourself, but it says something very clear without shoving it in her face; “I’m about to be gone and you will lose this opportunity.”

You will be amazed the lengths women will go to get you back to pursuing them even if they are not that interested. It is human nature to want to be the one who is being pursued.

Mike: So how long do I wait to call?
Trent: A day.
Mike: Tomorrow.
Sue: Tomorrow, then a day.
Trent: Yeah.
Mike: So two days?
Trent: Yeah, I guess you could call it that, two days.
Sue: Definitely, two days is like industry standard.
Trent: You know I used to wait two days to call anybody, but now it’s like everyone in town waits two days. So I think three days is kind of money. What do you think?
Sue: Yeah, but two’s enough not to look anxious.
Trent: Yeah, two’s enough not to look anxious. But I think three days is kind of money. You know because you…
Trent: You know what. Ha ha ha Mike, laugh all you want but if you call too soon you might scare off a nice baby who’s ready to party.
Mike: Well how long are you guys gonna wait to call your babies?
Trent, Sue: Six days.

The classic dilemma, how long do I wait before I call a girl. The two day rule became famous from The Movie Swingers. You don’t want to come off looking too anxious and needy and it seems calling later rather than sooner will do that.

One of the biggest complaints my female clients voice is about guys who wait too long to call. This is an example of what goes through their heads:

Night of: He was really cool; I liked him. I really hope he calls.
Next Day: It would be really fun to go out with him, hopefully he calls today or tomorrow
Second Day: Well he still hasn’t called, I really hope he is not the kind of guy who tries to wait two or three days so he won’t seem needy. I’ll still go out with him if he calls but this game is pretty lame.
Third Day: What an idiot, I can’t believe he didn’t call me. If he calls I might even just ignore it.
Fourth Day: What an ass, I hope I never run into him again.

If she likes you she wants to hear from you; call her the next day. If I am absolutely too busy to call the next day I usually send a text to say “It was cool meeting you last night, This weekend is a bit crazy I’ll give you a call on Sunday.” By doing that you short-circuit the thought process she goes through from Yay to Nay.

It is amazing to me how much my feelings for a woman changes throughout the week depending on how much or little we talk. I recently met a woman on Friday and after spending the night with her and much of the day Saturday, her five texts in a row on Sunday made me feel like I needed a bit more distance. As the week went on I think she sensed something and she only texted me twice during the week and didn’t return one of my calls. By the end of the week I was wondering if I screwed up and she didn’t like me anymore and was really hoping to see her or talk to her soon. A small text from her at this point had me jumping to call her and make plans. The same happens for women.

My simple rule is don’t send more than two unanswered texts in a day. If I don’t get a response I wait one full day with no contact and then try another text or phone call. If she enjoys having a text conversation with you go ahead and have fun with it. I just never send more than two texts in a day that she hasn’t replied to, and generally just send one.

You don’t have to play games with phone calls and texting; just don’t go overboard. Call if you want to call, text if you want to text. The only time you will come off needy is if you keep calling or texting if she hasn’t responded.

For more discussion from getting the number to the next step check out: How Many Times Should I Call a Girl?

“It’s all about reassurance. There is a feeling of uncertainty after the first time a woman sleeps with a guy. She us unsure if after she has slept with him does he still respect her; is he still interested now that he got what he was after?” The women in the workshop were all visibly nodding their heads, while he had a look of disbelief on his face saying, “Even if she slept over and I just talked to her that morning?”

It is something that almost I forget most men don’t realize. It is an unspoken rule, call the next day after having sex with a woman for the first time. I have had almost every girlfriend I have ever had thank me up and down for this simple act. For many women the most vulnerable time in the entire relationship is after the first time they have sex with a man. If they have any intention of wanting to see you again and it wasn’t just a one-night-stand, they will be wondering how things will go after that first time. Women know us men are in it for the sex. The question is if all the interest we have shown in her was in addition to that goal, or just as a means to get her in bed.

A simple quick phone call is all it takes to reassure her. In fact, even a message on an answering machine counts. Don’t push it by just sending a text. For me that message goes something like this, “Hi Sarah, I just wanted to call to say hi and that I had a really nice night with you last night. Anyway, I’m sure I’ll talk to you soon. Catch you later.” If you get her on the phone then have a nice bit of conversation. The only things I don’t do is explicitly mention the sex or try to set up another date immediately. If she does then it is fine. The reason I do that is I don’t want to make it appear my only interest in seeing her again is the sex. I then usually call her again the following day and set up our next date.

Ask a woman if you doubt this one! They will all tell you how important such a small thing is. Ladies, tell your guy friends, they will thank you; guys get with it and don’t forget to make that call!