I realized then that I sucked at dating at and I needed help. I knew I was a successful, motivated, interesting man with a strong confidence and that peopled liked me; why didn’t she? I was a nice guy. What was wrong with nice guys? Why do nice guys finish last? Do I have to act like an asshole to be good with women?

Are you a nice guy that wants to be better with women? Well on your search I am sure you have come across the Pickup Artist Community revealed by the book by Neil Strauss “The Game”. That was where I started too. After getting trained and teaching for two years as the senior instructor at Charisma Arts (Wayne Elise’s company AKA “Juggler”) I discovered the art of being successful with women and my social life in general. Everything changed for me. I discovered happiness. The interesting thing was I never felt great being associated with the “PUA (pickup artist)” community. They were all telling guys at that time that they had to change, that being themselves wasn’t interesting and stop being the “nice guy”. I remember reading David DeAngelo’s book thinking, “If I have to be that much of an asshole I would rather be alone the rest of my life.”

I have never claimed to be a PUA and I never will. I gained something far more valuable through my search that most of the guys in the community are only grasping at; happiness and a fulfilling social, romantic, and sex life. Most PUA’s I know are good at only the sex life thing.

So how do you be successful with women (and people in general) without being an asshole? Without the cocky funny lines, the routines, and stock banter, what is it that really makes someone successful?

1. Confidence
2. Be Assertive
3. Choice

Know who you are and what is worthwhile and meaningful in your life to achieve true self-confidence. Be assertive with what you want in life, love, and friendship to make it happen. Once you achieve the first two you will see an increase in the choice of who you have to date, who to include in your social circle, and what you want out of the relationships in your life. Understanding you have choice removes the neediness and instills the sense of detachment that is very attractive to the opposite sex.

Assholes, PUA’s, Bad Boys, and Douchebag guys have all three guaranteed. Yes they are good with women, but it is those three that make them successful, not the negative aspects in way they act. My goal has been to be a gentleman, a nice guy, but to find a way to do that successfully. I realize everything in the method I developed and have taught to thousands of men all fall into teaching them techniques to achieve the above three things.

You can be successful and be a gentleman and a nice guy. Don’t let the anyone tell you otherwise. Women want assertive, confident, nice guys.

“It’s all about reassurance. There is a feeling of uncertainty after the first time a woman sleeps with a guy. She us unsure if after she has slept with him does he still respect her; is he still interested now that he got what he was after?” The women in the workshop were all visibly nodding their heads, while he had a look of disbelief on his face saying, “Even if she slept over and I just talked to her that morning?”

It is something that almost I forget most men don’t realize. It is an unspoken rule, call the next day after having sex with a woman for the first time. I have had almost every girlfriend I have ever had thank me up and down for this simple act. For many women the most vulnerable time in the entire relationship is after the first time they have sex with a man. If they have any intention of wanting to see you again and it wasn’t just a one-night-stand, they will be wondering how things will go after that first time. Women know us men are in it for the sex. The question is if all the interest we have shown in her was in addition to that goal, or just as a means to get her in bed.

A simple quick phone call is all it takes to reassure her. In fact, even a message on an answering machine counts. Don’t push it by just sending a text. For me that message goes something like this, “Hi Sarah, I just wanted to call to say hi and that I had a really nice night with you last night. Anyway, I’m sure I’ll talk to you soon. Catch you later.” If you get her on the phone then have a nice bit of conversation. The only things I don’t do is explicitly mention the sex or try to set up another date immediately. If she does then it is fine. The reason I do that is I don’t want to make it appear my only interest in seeing her again is the sex. I then usually call her again the following day and set up our next date.

Ask a woman if you doubt this one! They will all tell you how important such a small thing is. Ladies, tell your guy friends, they will thank you; guys get with it and don’t forget to make that call!