So, we know what flirting is and what purpose it serves. But do we know how to go about it? What to do? What not to do?
The first thing to remember is not to take it too seriously. Flirting is meant to be a fun way to break the ice. Don’t go into thinking that you are going to date each person you flirt with or you are setting yourself up for a bunch of big letdowns. Try not to be nervous. Keep in mind that if your flirting is not reciprocated, chances are you will never see the person again anyway. Look at it as an adventure in learning, because if you pay attention, each attempt you make will improve your skills.
Before we go any further with what to do, let’s talk about what NOT to do. Rule number one: don’t flirt with someone you are not interested in. You may end up hurting someone’s feelings. And that is not cool. Don’t use people as practice if you will not be receptive to their reciprocation. You need to practice to hone your skills but make sure it is with someone who you really want to get to know…whether or not that is the outcome. Use sincerity.
Second, pick the appropriate time and place. A funeral, for example is not generally considered the best time and place. Also, if there is someone at work you are interested in, proceed with caution. If you are seen blatantly flirting with a co-worker, or worse, a boss, you will most likely be viewed as unprofessional. Not to mention that many workplaces have policies about dating among employees.
Third, don’t try to be someone or something you are not. People can spot a phony a mile away. What people appreciate the most is when someone is genuine. There is no substitute for it. Put yourself in the other person’s place. Would you want someone to feed you a total line of crap?
It is almost time to get down to the nitty gritty as they say, and talk about what to do to get your flirting off on the right foot. However, there are some general tips to keep in mind as well. If you start out with the aim of just having a conversation with someone rather than focusing on flirting with them, it will help you relax. Also, talking to someone in general is the best way to know if you do want to take it to the next level and flirt with them. They may open their mouth and what they say may be the biggest turn off to you. That has certainly happened to me. Many times have I picked a man out of the crowd, found him attractive and tried to initiate a conversation with him only to change my mind about flirting with him, much less pursuing him after he opened his mouth and was either rude, obnoxious and sometimes even flat out boring. Thank goodness I found out before I sent the signal that I was interested by flirting!
Remember that compliments go a long way and they are a great ice breaker. But be careful! Something you think is a compliment may be misinterpreted and offend someone. And again, the most important thing is to be sincere. Also, whatever you talk about, try to keep it positive. No one flocks to someone who puts out negativity.
If you don’t feel the other person is reciprocating or into you, walk away. Don’t follow them around the bar or party or wherever you are and keep trying. Not only will you look like an idiot, you will look like a stalker. Just accept it as no harm, no foul and move on.
Still to come…more tips and specific instructions for great flirting!
Tags: Flirting
December 2nd, 2008 at 5:50 pm
This is good info. Those three points are necessities to making flirting a fun experience not just for the person you are flirting with, but for you as well.
August 24th, 2009 at 10:57 pm
interesting post can’t wait to read more.