I recently found myself pining over a friend again that wasn’t into me in that way so here I am returning to your golden advice.

This is such a great post It may be your best ever! It really hits home for me time and again.

-Money

I just see it as time and energy expenditure. I can try to learn about lots of new subjects or I can learn to talk about the ones i already know in a more effective way. The latter will give me more to talk about.

I’m just lazy, i’d rather do the least possible amount of work.

Go check out the post on Be Relateable to see what i mean by talking this way.

If you want subjects these are the ones I seem to use:

Travel, Passion, Sex, Relationships, Fashion

Good Luck.

And it works, men appreciate someone who it is easy to talk to, I think.

I see no reason why the majority of women should be any different. I think you just spurn it cos’ it sound like I’m trying to manipulate them to an end, (commonalities = oxytocin release, i.e. chemistry).

But really why you learn stuff, does not lessen that you benefit from learning stuff. And I want to get my focus for my improvement optimal. So if you change your mind, I’m all ears.

Educating yourself is something you should do for you.

Besides It’s not the subject that makes conversation interesting, it is how you talk about what you do know.

Remember to speak about anything with the I perspective, Details, Emotions. That will allow you to be relateable. Then relate to whatever she says in the same way relating either to the thing, experience, or better yet the emotion she is talking about.

It’s not what you talk about, its how you talk about it.

Can you make any specific source recommendations?

I have taken a modern art appreciation course and a figure drawing class, but neither gives me a great deal to say generally on art – is there a book I can read?

What should I know about Pets? Cats/Dogs: their breeds, breed personalities and the purpose of their breed maybe? What?

Concerts and theatre I guess I should cultivate an interest in right? Like just go occasionally? I do go very occasionally to the theatre, like twice a year, but I never really have anything particularly intelligent to say – it’s either I liked it or it was bloody awful. So I still need to know something *about* theatre. Where can I learn this?

What do I need to know about ‘books’? Specifically? Or relationships? Or travel? Where exactly can I find it?
In your experience where do all the hot brainy girl’s go on holiday?

OK this is a two part question, second part:
J. suggests educating yourself in these so you can talk about hot girl activities, but I notice in the book he actually does some of these things, he talks about doing a marathon and doodling, and uses these to explicitly state commonality with the girl (he slips in ‘we share a bond’, slightly reminiscent of the IC pattern). So is there any activity or activities you or other JM instructors have done, which has become a common piece of your conversational repertoire with girls, or often gets you commonality with them?

xxx
Goose.

Conversation is an art form so by no means is this an answer. It’s more an alternative direction you could’ve taken it. Keep having these little interactions and you’ll be able to navigate to personal then to sexual with ease.

HB: well yesterday we had a gang of eight year old boys come in and want to try on everything in extra small (its adult clothes).
Goose: That’s so funny. Did you have to be the security guard and kick them out?
HB: something else
Goose: I can’t believe 8 year olds have gangs now. When i was 8, my mum wouldn’t have let me join a gang. She was pretty protective, but i didn’t really have a rebelous streak at 8. That didn’t come until later. What were you like as a kid?

So she gives you something totally not personal (3rd person perspective, even worse). So you ask what she did, getting a little bit more personal. you talk about who you are as a person… really open up.. Then ask a big open ended question to get her committed.

davich

Riverisland the Sales, daytime (not busy), I’m browsing shirts when a attractive blonde store clerk enters my feild of vision.

“so what the nmaddest thing which has happened during the Sales?”
HB: well yesterday we had a gang of eight year old boys come in and want to try on everything in extra small (its adult clothes).
Me: no way!
me: can’t think how I can lever this to the personal, so goes into my model answer:
I was in Next waiting for my Mum, I looked up and my Mum is looking at this turquoise top, and this other woman snatches it off her – I was like ‘holy shit’, my Mum just stood there shocked.

So I went round there and snatched it back of her.

It’s a good job my sister didn’t see it, or she would have given the woman a smack.
hb: hmmm!
me: has nothing to say, because I haven’t taken it to the personal.
hb: resumes her job.

So there you go, I got something out of her, but just an answer to my question, not something which can really merit my interest (OMG, that’s briliant, I’ve got to get to know you better). It gets weird if I plough with general non-personal questions, so I have to end the conversation.

What was I supposed to do? I need something practical or I may as well resume propositioning women directly, which is 1 in ten success rate if she beleives no one can overhear. i.e. not any sort of choice.

Rooting for you
Goose.

It’s amazing, it’s almost like your reading my mind. You always make a post that speaks to exactly what I’m experiencing.

I had to let go of a girl who put me in the friendzone not an hour before I read this. Thank you so much for posting this!

I think getting away from the community/dating/women is just what I need (for a month at least). I look forward to just going out, having fun and enjoying my life.

And again, Happy Birthday!

LOL, I kid. No I’m happy with friends, the oppourtunity window has close-ed, and she is more valuable as a friend.

So answer my questions godamnit, I talk to other women, but it is much harder if I don’t live with them!

New courses starting soon, new windows of opportunity, I need the dope.

On the part about me not meeting the qualifications of some women (I can’t get every single woman): I apply the following reframe: “One of my standards for a girlfriend is that she must be into me as much as I am into her” With that reframe, it’s her not meeting my standards.. Sort of semantical. But it works well for me. I forgot who’s quote that is originally

Being a heavy one-itis lover, i hope this blog is not all true :-s)

Maybe a stupid question, but what does “putting the interaction on the line” mean to you? I know it has something to do with taking risks, but i don’t understand it “practically”…

Thanks so much, you rock and you know it,

Pieter

Thanks for the post! I used to have one-itis and I still do but only now, I am able to get rid of it quicker.

I have a question and this is out of context, but you said that you dumped a lot of amazing women. i believe that we must leave them better than we first got them.

how do you break-up with women without hurting them too much?
I know this sounds like i’m asking for a bad advice but to be honest, i want to learn this in case she puts me on a pedestestal and expects a lot from me.

Thanks.

- Revmark