Weird.

Guys, you’re getting into a bad frame of thought here. You learned this new thing… and then right away you start looking for ways to apply it to better please people.

Yeah well… if you try talking to all sorts of people and you’re consistently not doing too well, seen as a weirdo etc., then maybe you should work on your style, your “people-pleasing skills”. But somehow I think many guys would just study to be better conversationalists for sake of their bitch-self underneath craving please and to be likable, LIKE THEY ALWAYS DID. Hey, I’m talking of myself here, but whoever will empathize…

Oh, and from people-pleasing it’s a short path down to trying to become a PRO SMOOTH-TALKER, the kinda skill you need to sell encyclopedias door-to-door.

Heck, if I ever caught any girl I talked to trying to smooth-talk me; say, I was a lousy conversation or “not opening up” so she’d keep trying… yes, not to the extent of filling up “vacuum space”, cause we all do that, but more along the lines of what we’re talking about here, “chatting someone up”… anyway, if I felt a girl is doing this, that’ll be an alarm going off DESPERATION! … or maybe I’ll start wondering about her hidden agenda, like the hidden agenda of the encyclopedia salesman who asks the old lady to show her pics of her kids.

No, people always, ALWAYS, appear more interested when you start relating your experience. TBH seeing this is weird, but wonderful. A couple of times my C+F attempts, to their response, has flopped, and I-perspective saved me. It’s solid.

When you have a talker, which rocks, it’s kind of weird because they give you no space to relate, just storm forward. Generally I interrupt to put my experience in, but dunno if that’s the best thing. I think somewhere J. may have said ‘just let them talk, to get it off their chest’? Yay for talkers anyway.

Dan, it would be really super if you could give us like half a dozen examples of going from ‘HELLO!’ to ‘I like you, your…’. Ideally showing how you do this in a group situation at home in San Fran. They don’t have to be all that accurate just illustrative.

Do people get mad when you constantly relate everything to yourself which causes you to change the topic every time? What do you do after the topic is changed? Do you ask her a question about the new topic? It seems to me that it would annoy them.

I think after experimenting with reward/relating for a while, I started to fall into this grove where I was not “trying” to relate on emotions, but if I could I would.

Instead I just tried to relate, period, that I’m a similar person. This article clarifies my own perception of what reward/relate is all about.

Good Stuff.