1 ) Over-Explaining
I remember when a girl asked me how is Bio-Diesel made when I told her I use it in my car. I think I went on for close to fifteen minutes explaining from start to finish the process from turning vegetable oil into Bio-Diesel. She finally stopped me and teased me pretty hard for it. Your date may not find it as endearing.
2 ) Being Condescending
Just because we know a lot about a lot of things never gives us the right to make someone feel stupid. Sometimes simply just taking a moment to ask “How familiar are you with it?” before explaining it as if they were five years old will allow you to save face.
3 ) Know-it-all/always being right
It is hard being smarter than everyone around us (at least we think we are). As soon as I learned to try to see someone else’s point of view fully before explaining my opinion it was a lot more comfortable to be around me. Try to see someone else’s side of things first and relate to it.
4 ) Fashion – Tennis shoes all the time
If you are the guy who wears white tennis shoes in every situation, it is time to go shopping. Buy yourself some nicer shoes for work or casual social events. You don’t have to go crazy but even some more trendy sneakers will go a long way. Sketchers make lots of inexpensive shoes that are as comfortable as tennis shoes but are a little bit more fashionable. You could even branch out and try some more fashionable going out shoes or boots. Just make sure they aren’t too out there if that is not your personality. Women do notice shoes.
5 ) Fashion – Wearing clothes that don’t fit
It is time to stop dressing like the clothes were hand-me-downs. Oversize shirts do not hide your gut or your lack of biceps. The shoulder seam of your shirts should be within an inch of the corner of your shoulder, not down on your arm. Pants should not be baggy; while they shouldn’t be skin tight they should fit well without being too constrictive. Ask a sales woman to help you find sizes that fit and try going too small and too big to understand what the right fit is.
6 ) Fashion – Out of date clothes
Wearing a t-shirt or sweatshirt that was your parting gift from high school is not a statement of loyalty; it’s a statement that you are too lazy to buy new clothes once in a while. Retire your clothes if they are out of date. I usually try to not wear clothes longer than one to two years and sometimes three if I don’t wear them that often. Subtle changes over a few years actually show up and while people may not point it out, it makes you look dated.
7 ) Texting or emailing while talking
I have a bad habit of surfing the web when talking to friends and even women. If you are having a conversation, put down the game, the phone, the email, etc. Pay attention and be in the conversation
8 ) Being defensive when teased
Roll with the punches. Learn a bit of Disqualification and stop defending yourself, they are only teasing.
9 ) Asking for feedback on a date
This is a big one. Don’t ever ask how you are doing on a date. Don’t ask whether she likes you or not or if she is having fun. Nothing shows more insecurity then checking in frequently on a date. Have fun and enjoy your time together. If she is not into you, or not having fun, that is her responsibility to end the date or tell you. It only makes it awkward for you to ask. If she says no, what are you going to do about it? Getting to the second date will tell you more than any answer she gives you.
10 ) Self Deprecating
Comedians are great at self deprecating humor. Leave it for them to do or learn to use Disqualification. While you shouldn’t be bragging, conversely don’t put yourself down. It shows a lot of insecurity. I mean honestly when a woman tells me she is fat, I almost want to smack her. It is like fishing for a compliment, I don’t want to pander to her insecurities. You shouldn’t make women feel that way either by putting yourself down.
Tags: Confidence, Conversation, Dating, Dating Mistakes, Fashion, Flirting, Geek, Geeky, Insecurity, Self Deprecation
March 15th, 2009 at 3:12 am
Hey Dan!!! It’s Dare! How u been mate?!
LOVE the new design and really thrilled you’re still writing such top notch articles that still make me think alot! Much appreciated!
I have a question I hope you can help:
Over the past few years I guess DQ has simmered into me, without my having really ever studied it HARD u know..
..but sometimes when I do it I DO get a response of encouragement from the person im talking to..and now I’ve read your article.. can you help me be able to personally CLARIFY the difference between a) putting myself down, and b) actual effective (true) disqualification…?
Really look forward to your help buddy!
See you soon mate!
Dare
[If I lived in a house without nosey housemates I’d be on your phone consultation like the flash!
March 15th, 2009 at 4:34 pm
Hey amigo. It is all in the tone. From the tone of your statement. You should be saying something negative about you in a way that implies you are confident and unashamed about it. That is the difference. If it sounds like you are putting yourself down and insecure it won’t work.
March 17th, 2009 at 1:30 pm
Ah..That makes a hell of a lot of sense..don’t know why I never realised that!!
Thank you sir! So its like disqualifying but not in a mopey, dopey, almost depressed tone of voice and manner..
but rather in a confident unashamed way, like yeah this is something im not good at (while still standing upright and direct, still with some confidence in me.. rather then saying it and pausing and looking thoughtful [ --what i seemed to be naturally doing up to now..but..no more!]
Time to take another step towards mastering the self! With your EXCELLENT advice at hand!
Thank you dude! (To Charismatic Dan, true social hitchhiker that you are! Not geeky Dan
)
March 17th, 2009 at 1:32 pm
PS – Your Intro video is hilarious! hahahahahahaaaaa What?
March 20th, 2009 at 12:53 pm
Oh! I love item 1!
Have to say, though, some of us gals love Geeks. With a capital “G.” 
My now husband (then, boy-next-door) wooed me with “I love concrete,” then proceeded to explain how perturbed it made him to hear lay people use cement and concrete interchangably, and give me a rundown of how it’s made, how it’s used, and why it ought to be used more in less obvious engineering projects.
Sara LeeAnn’s last blog post.."Touch," Mental Illness and Fine Art
April 7th, 2009 at 6:47 pm
Thank you so much for the parts about fashion! Most women put a fair amount of effort into looking presentable; we like it when guys do the same.